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Infant feeding

I hate breast feeding

43 replies

Littleelffriend · 08/06/2016 17:36

I'm sat here crying I feel like such a failure. I hate breast feeding. My 5 week old is combination fed, and I force myself to feed her and express. I feel so guilty but I hate it. Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
AliceInHinterland · 08/06/2016 20:49

To look at it another way though, why do you feel that you should carry on? Do the benefits outweigh the distress it's causing you? I gave up breastfeeding DC1 when I was pregnant for the second time because it started to feel really physically strange to me and I really didn't want him to pick up on that. All that emotional energy that you're currently using to keep going with the BF could be used to make bottle feeds a lovely time together. I spend far too much time and energy feeling guilty about the things I don't do for my children and it leaves me too exhausted to actually enjoy the things I do for them!

YorkieDorkie · 08/06/2016 20:56

You're really giving yourself a hard time OP! You're only 5 weeks in which is still in the early horrible days. I didn't get a decent volume expressing until around 2 months. Even then it's not bucketloads. The sensation at that point I remember being awful, painful and exhausting. It quickly got better! I know that if I'd "just stopped" then I'd have probably ended up with painful mastitis... It can be tricky to give up so make sure you absolutely want to.

I think I wanted to quit every day until it suddenly just "worked".

eyebrowse · 08/06/2016 20:59

I found it a good excuse to watch daytime tv - rather than sitting worrying may be you could try that

thrillhouse · 08/06/2016 21:23

Tormund it is ok to stop. But bluntly saying "just stop then" when someone's feeling upset comes across as quite dismissive.

crayfish · 08/06/2016 22:03

A lovely midwife said to me 'there will be hundreds of things to feel guilty about over the next 18 years, don't let this be one of them' and she was right. I really wanted somebody to tell me it was ok to stop expressing and nobody did, so I'll say it to you.

It's ok to stop, it really is. It doesn't make you a failure or a bad mum. It's ok to stop now.

ZZZZ1111 · 09/06/2016 04:32

I also had a really hard time at the start. Tongue tie, which was snipped, and then long painful feeds following this. Expressing and topping up too. It was horrible and I felt like I did nothing else!

I just wanted to give up too. My husband encouraged me to persevere. Other people told me it doesn't matter as 'happy mum happy baby etc'. Somehow I kept going. By six weeks things were much easier. By maybe 10 weeks the feeds had shortened as my baby was more efficient. I became more confident with feeding in public. Now, at 4 months, we don't have any problems with it at all (but of course are battling other challenges such as sleep!)

Have you been to any support groups or drop ins etc? The nct helpline? Have you checked out kellysmom website? BF support in this country is poor, but it is out there if you can look for it. It sounds like you could do with some support with working out what to do with expressing and top ups etc.

Please do what is right for you, but I just want you to know that it does get loads better for lots of people. If I had stopped earlier on I'm sure I would have felt relief then, but struggle with sense of guilt and regret now. Please do what you want to do but if you are able to hang in there for a bit longer, get some support.

ZZZZ1111 · 09/06/2016 04:43

Also - just to address your original question as to whether other hate it. I definitely hated it. I cried over many feeds. I shouted at my husband. I worried it was interrupting my bonding with my baby. It felt like it was going on for an eternity. But it got better and better.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 09/06/2016 05:56

You were always going to stop at some point; no one breast feeds forever. All you are doing is changing the date at which it happens.

It is okay to stop and if your DD could tell you that she would. Flowers

waitingforsomething · 09/06/2016 05:56

With dd1 it took me 8 weeks to not Hate it and 12 weeks to be comfortable with it. With DS i gave myself a 12 week deadline. I still hated it then so I chose to stop.
If you are having some success then give yourself a little longer if you can - you're doing really well and it does get easier Wine

ZZZZ1111 · 09/06/2016 06:15

Also - just to address your original question as to whether other hate it. I definitely hated it. I cried over many feeds. I shouted at my husband. I worried it was interrupting my bonding with my baby. It felt like it was going on for an eternity. But it got better and better.

MagratsFlyawayHair · 09/06/2016 06:44

It's always ok to stop. You have tried, you hate it, if you stop you have nothing to be unhappy about.

Think of the fact that she has had the 'gold top' from you if you like. Those first feeds. But please don't carry on if you are so unhappy. We are in the advantageous position of having choice.

Switch to FF and don't look back. Find the joy with your baby and stop dreading what is, in the long run, a small part of parenting.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/06/2016 06:50

your baby is loved and cared for and fed. that could never be failing in a million years.

you tried. it works out sonetimes. amd sometimes it doesn't. what seems like a big deal now I promise you, when you are pulling dead insects out your babies mouth amd pulling your crawling monkey out of the dog bowl yet again you will NOT believe the stress you put on yourself over some milk.

if you want to give up then give up. but don't think you failed at anything. you didn't.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/06/2016 13:12

How are you today OP?Smile

Littleelffriend · 09/06/2016 16:09

Thanks again everyone for all the supportive words. Today is a new day, and I'm going to carry on muddling through with this combination feeding as long as I can so baby is getting a bit of everything.

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/06/2016 16:13

Glad today is a bit brighterBrew

Spudlet · 14/06/2016 21:12

There's a 50-50 split in my NCT group. 4 of us bf, 4 ff. Of the bf-ers, 2 are ebf and 2 mix feed.

You know what? Until those babies get hungry, you can't tell.

It's hard at the start. All your hormones are up in the air. You're so tired. And you don't get much in return from the baby, bless them.

You may find it gets easier BUT there is no shame in turning to a perfectly acceptable alternative feeding method. You have to do what is right for you and only you know what that is.


nicolasixx · 14/06/2016 22:13

By 6 weeks it gets much easier. But expressing is awful. Stop doing that and just breastfeed if you want to make life easier for yourself.

CutYourHairAndGetAJob · 14/06/2016 22:24

Have you got any local breastfeeding support groups you can go to?

I think I would stop expressing, and give formula top ups if necessary. Spend the time you would have spent expressing having skin to skin cuddles with your baby and it might just boost your milk supply as well.

Or, if you want to stop breastfeeding, stop breastfeeding - breastfeeding is great but it's not worth making yourself miserable over if you really hate it Flowers

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