No support from dh :(

[jabberwocky]

With ds1 I initially started bfing pretty well - good latch, etc. But after 2 weeks, when I hit the really tough part of sore nipples and constant feeding dh pressured me to give ds1 a bottle for a day. Bad idea I now know. Ds1 then had terrible nipple confusion and started fighting me every time I tried to bf. I wound up exclusively expressing...

flash forward to ds2. I told dh from the beginning of the pregnancy that I wanted to give bf every chance possible and not to mention bottles this time around. Ds2 fed like a champ on my left side immediately but it has taken us 6 weeks to get comfortable on the right (flat nipple, went through nipple shields then weaned off).

So now I have to go back to work part-time in a week. I'll be gone only half days at first and for the time being he will be with dh who works from home and is semi-retired anyway. I have expressed a few times and given him a bottle b/c he will have to have at least one while I am gone. I purchased special nipples/bottles this time to try to avoid nipple confusion. Ds2 really doesn't like them and it takes at least as long to bottlefeed as it does to bf. I think this is actually OK since it would be a bad thing if he really, really liked them - as ds1 did But the first time dh tried feeding him he turned and said "Where are the ones we used for ds1?" I tried to explain why it wasn 't a good idea to used those again. Then last night I mentioned that I needed to start expressing more often as work is looming in the future and he said "Well, you'd better find something he'll take easier than what you have." I am so that he would so easily jeopardize bfing again this time around. I turned and sais "A little support with bfing would be nice, you know" but I still don't believe it sunk in.

I don't know what, if anything to do about this. Maybe I just needed to rant about it.

how infuriating for you. have you explained to DH all the benefits of BF and the possible implications of FF eg allergies etc. and that by running the risk of nipple confusion again then you may end up having to ff earlier than you wanted.

also have you tried explaining how much his support would help you and that a longer feed with the bottle would be a longer bonding opportunity for him.

sorry i havent really got anymore advise at the mo as i have not had these sort of probs myself, but good luck if you decide to tackle him about it all.
after all it is the support from other people that can help women bf for longer. maybe you could see if there are any local bf support groups and pay a visit. other mums may have had the same experience or the bf counsellors may be able to help, or if all else it would give you chance to vent your thoughts

Your DS2 will probably get used to the new bottles, over time, anyway, and they'll work better.

Did he not see how much hassle exclusively expressing was? Why is he not supporting you? Is he generally supportive?

The thing is, last time I expressed for a year, so ds1 got bm anyway. So dh somehow fely/feels that expressing is just a great idea b/c lo gets the benefits of bm anyway but it's "easier" putting it in a bottle It was really an ordeal to express for that long and I don't want to do it again. A few times at work is one thing but full-time can be exhausting.

I did think he saw how much hassle it was, but now I wonder.

He really hasn't been that supportive of having ds2 from the beginning. It has taken a while for him to start to bond, even.

This is the kind of thing my DH would say too . Men are just so practical, I don't think they always get the emotional side of it. It's the same with nappies - DH would much rather we were using disposables because they're easier (not that I'm comparing feeding issues with nappy decisions). My DH has two children from a previous relationship, not living with us. They were both formula fed and whilst he was supportive of b/f because he knew how much it meant to me, he was much quicker to want to resort to bottles when things got really tough. So I've no advice I'm afraid other than the old adage "men are from mars, etc."