Feeling like a total failure with BF

[LittleTalks]

DS was born 8 days ago by EMCS and has basically never latched on. I expressed colostrum and then at 48 hours when he still wouldn't latch felt totally bullied by midwives into giving him bottles of formula top ups to supplement what I can express. He becomes totally hysterical when I try and latch him on, screams, is inconsolable. Will then calm down but as soon as he goes anywhere near my nipple its like I'm trying to murder him. He is very sleepy between feeds and I often have to wake him to make sure it isn't longer than 4 hours between feeds.

To make matters worse my supply is crap, I never really felt my milk come in and I've not been able to decrease the "top ups" at all.

We've been seen by various midwives and a lactation consultant and no one seems to be able to help much. They did diagnose a posterior tongue tie which has been cut and so far made no difference. He had lost 9% of his birthweight by day 5 and I'm not optimistic about his next weigh in.

I desperately want to breast feed and feel like an utter failure as a mother for not being able to. I can't stand seeing the level of distress. I really would appreciate any advice. TIA.

So sorry to hear that, but remember the midwife thinks he's OK! She's trained to be vigilant to any signs that he's not getting enough milk, and would not hesitate to recommend formula if he needed it (from reading the boards here, she'd be far more likely to recommend you give up breastfeeding unnecessarily than the other way around).

Was it a certified lactation consultant you saw? Can you go back and ask for more advice on the latch, as well as haunting any other local groups/supporters for more help?

Even if he's not sucking, he will stimulate supply by bring at the breast, so you might see results in the days to come.

It's horrible when you're in the middle of it, worried about your baby - I've been there twice, and both times it slowly clicked and we went on to breastfeed for 6 months + and now I worry about other things

Absolutely agree. If mw was at all worried she would recommend formula. BF babies don't put weight on as quickly in the early days as formula fed

The MW wasn't remotely worried really. We are already topping up, and had reduced it down to 30ml 2 or 3 times a day. I asked her if we should increase frequency or volume and she said no, just play it by ear. I asked her to come back early next week as I think I'll drive myself mad over the course of a week.

It was a certified lactation consultant we saw. In fact we've seen two. One of them is going to call again on Monday so I'll see if she can come round. I went to a BF group yesterday and they were really supportive. They looked at the latch and said it was "lovely". To be honest I've had loads of advice and support, maybe I just need to calm down a bit. Easier said than done!

Congratulations on your new baby!
Your situation resonates with me because DD also had posterior tongue tie ( undiagnosed at first) which having been snipped on about day 5 gradually grew back and we never really got the hang of BF. I exclusively expressed for 5 months and doing so regularly really helped my supply especially overnight when your prolactin levels are at their highest.
What I would say though is do whatever you need to keep yourself happy and your baby fed. There are enough demands on you as a new mother without this to make your life harder! I wish I 'd had that perspective at the time when I too was panicking- you're doing a fantastic job...

My son was very similar, I expressed and bottle fed until he was bigger and then suddenly he had no issue latching once his mouth was bigger and he had the strength to suck harder. The important thing is he is getting the breast milk not how he gets it

A little update. DS has put on a but of weight, 70g so nothing to write home about but in the right direction. The only thing is the amount of top ups has increased over the last few days so I don't know if that's why we've seen the gain. I'm going to try and drive it down again, but he's been a lot more fussy and sleeping less which is why we've been giving him more and also means I've had less time for expressing (for top ups and increasing supply) so bit of a vicious cycle.

It's still not easy but at least today I don't feel like the worlds worst mum. Thanks for the advice everyone.