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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding mums giving each other anonymous thank you cards

48 replies

CathyLewis · 24/03/2016 19:28

www.buzzfeed.com/harrietclugston/breastfeeding-mums-are-passing-thank-you-notes-to-276ck

OP posts:

NickyEds · 25/03/2016 21:05

I know I should be more supportive of this but I'm afraid I rolled my eyes a bit!

BatMobile · 26/03/2016 06:07

Cringe.

Savagebeauty · 26/03/2016 06:08

Oh ffs.

Lexipedia · 26/03/2016 06:35

I'd have hated it if somebody had given me one of these.

confusedandemployed · 26/03/2016 06:38

Fuck me. Shall we all be a bit more self-congratulatory?

Runningupthathill82 · 26/03/2016 06:52

I would have absolutely hated it if someone did this to me.
It rather flies in the face of normalising breastfeeding in public IMO.

"Oh! Here! Have a card! You thought nobody was watching you feed? Well I was! And so was everyone else. But you're doing great!"

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 26/03/2016 07:03

Creepy

ftmsoon · 26/03/2016 07:07

Saw this on FB and just thought 'Bollocks'. If someone had given me one, it would have gone straight in the bin!

IBelieveInPink · 26/03/2016 07:09

I've had one if these. Was given it at a soft play when we were out with ds for the first time, and I was faffing on trying to get his feeding right.

I know some people may cringe, but actually it was a pretty rough time and I just saw it as someone with good intentions trying to give a bit of support to someone who was struggling.

I hadn't actually thought of the alternative 'self congratulatory' side of it til now. I just assumed it was one person trying to do something kind for another one. Perspective eh?

clarella · 26/03/2016 07:19

Motherhood can be a lonely experience at times, and bf in public especially so at times if it's your first and struggle a bit.

This has been going on for ages and I've never ever seen it as self congratulatory or anything else negative. If anything it gave a faint warm glow or just a 'oh that's nice'.

To be honest I don't think it's anyone else's business; a mum bfing knows either the difficulty that's been had at some point or the worry about what others will think or pressure to 'just give a bottle' - it's a quiet message from one woman to another. A tiny hi five. And fuck knows we need them.

clarella · 26/03/2016 07:24

Having written the above, and to contradict myself, I now think they're not necessarily a good idea, as they could be seen as potentially stirring up yet more bad feelings and angst, as the above comments show.

slebmum1 · 26/03/2016 07:26

I think it's ridiculous, sorry.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 26/03/2016 07:30

I was having a really difficult day when my baby was little. I was sitting on a park bench feeding her and, whilst I generally enjoyed breastfeeding, that day everything was a struggle. I was Feeling that everything was such bloody.hard.work and thankless.

A random mum with older kids stopped and said "it's so lovely to see you feeding your baby". It really brightened my day to know that someone had noticed and acknowledged the work I was putting into my baby. I also felt connected to her and less alone- seeing her older kids I thought 'this difficulty will pass, it's all worth it'.

I would have expected to cringe, but actually it stopped me from bursting into tears and put a smile on my face.

So whilst these cards look cringeworthy, I think if I'd been given one at a low moment it would have made me smile and feel better (more than "you should give her a bottle")

WellErrr · 26/03/2016 07:36

People often spoke to me when I was breastfeeding to say how nice it was to see, and ask about the baby and just generally be kind.
It does really give you a boost. It's not self congratulatory, it's just nice.
Never had a card and if I did I probably wouldn't pass it on as id rather just say it, but it's just kind words written down.

Why be offended?

Runningupthathill82 · 26/03/2016 08:02

Nothing to do with being offended, WellErrr - it's just that, when I was feeding in public, I told myself that it was normal, natural, nobody cared and people barely noticed.

To then be singled out and given a card would have freaked me out, as it illustrates public feeding is not that "normal" and in fact people had noticed what I was doing. I'd have felt exposed and embarrassed.

babyconverse · 26/03/2016 08:51

Cringeworthy

NerrSnerr · 26/03/2016 09:20

I fed my daughter everywhere but I would have been really embarrassed to get one of these. I would have hated it and I don't need a stranger to thank me for looking after my baby.

PiperChapstick · 27/03/2016 09:51

I think it's great, it takes guts for many people to BF in public (why wouldn't that be self congratulatory when BF mum are discriminated against constantly for feeding in public?) and it's good to know that other people support you in that.

Effiethemonster · 27/03/2016 10:17

Are women constantly "discriminated" when breastfeeding in public though? I think there's been the odd case in the media but there's a reason why they make the papers.

There was a thread recently asking who had had negative comments and most people hadn't. Whether people are silently judging is another thing.

It can initially embarrassing, getting your nipple out in public takes a bit of getting used to but once you realise no one really gives a shit it's fine.

WellErrr · 27/03/2016 10:42

I've never had anything but nice comments and I've breastfed everywhere

BlackbirdSingsInTheDeadOfNight · 27/03/2016 10:44

I think it's rather a nice thing to do - but I couldn't BF either of my DC and I would have been pretty gutted if someone sitting on the same bench as me breastfeeding her baby (when I was bottle feeding) had been handed a card and I hadn't, because I'd quite likely have felt that other people were watching me and thinking I wasn't doing a good enough job as a mother.

DS1 was born extremely prematurely. He was 14 weeks old before he could even try BFing, and every single time he tried he turned blue. But I expressed for 5 months, day and night, and he received what little BM I had in a bottle, mixed with formula.

DS2 could BF properly, but I didn't produce nearly enough milk to satisfy him. Don't ask me why, I went to our local BF Cafe, I asked for help from the nurses, everything. When he was 5 days old he was admitted to the children's ward with jaundice and severe weight loss, because I wasn't feeding him enough. So we switched to bottle-fed formula with all the drops of EBM that I could possibly produce added in.

So I tried. I tried so, so hard and I did my absolute best to give both of my children the best start they could possibly have. But to anyone walking past holding a "good for you for breastfeeding" card, I was just someone who couldn't be arsed and was therefore feeding formula from the bottle.

Questionsagaintoday · 27/03/2016 13:53

Not many people actually think that about FF mum's (some idiots do and they exist in all walks of life fuck them), but if this becomes the reason a BF mum cannot be encouraged/congratulated unless she is absolutely in private, that's not right either.

Questionsagaintoday · 27/03/2016 13:55

Small example. I am the only woman in my Inlaws family who has breathed and is currently nursing

They all go out of their way to point out that nursing doesn't matter and that formula is often better precisely to protect the feelings of the other ladies in the Family. Even in my best or worst days as a new mum I have not found one encouraging word from them. Result? I'm always doubting myself.

Questionsagaintoday · 27/03/2016 13:56

Breathed = breastfed

VashtaNerada · 27/03/2016 14:02

Oh good, another way to tell women that how they feed their children reflects on what kind of parent they are

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