How do I keep going? BF problems

[BobTheCob]

Hi all

This is my first post, although I'm a long time lurker. I know there's a similar thread, but didn't want to hijack it.

My gorgeous DD was born 9 days ago. I also have a DS who is nearly 3. DS flat refused to breast feed, despite trying everything so I expressed and bottle fed him for 6 months. I didn't have anything to compare it to, so whilst it was quite hard, I just got on with it and it was more than manageable.

DD is considerably more keen on the whole thing and has been breast feeding consistently. However, I think her latch wasn't great to start with and my nipples are completely ravaged (cut, bleeding and scabbed). I saw a lactation consultant yesterday who suggested holding her sitting on my lap facing me. This has helped a bit, but DD still doesn't always get a great latch to start with and the first minute or so is (burst in to tears) agony, even if I take her off and start again. I do have pretty large boobs and flat nipples if that's relevant.

She was feeding on and off through last night and about 4.30 I just couldn't bear her on the more sore side so expressed and bottle fed her. Annoyingly she didn't take it all but the bottle was started too long ago to give it to her when she wakes up.

So, finally, I get to my questions. Sorry for the essay.

1. The thought of putting her on the more sore side today just makes me want to sob. Do I need to woman up and feed through it or could I express for a few days to give it a chance to recover? Will I do irreparable damage to her latch/supply?
2. I think I can keep feeding from the less sore side for now but don't want to exacerbate a problem there.
3. How long should it take before everything feels better? I am seriously struggling to persist with BF when I know expressing works for me. Admittedly my lifestyle is different than when I just had DS, but he is still going to childcare 3 days a week at the moment so I'd only have to occupy him on my own 2 days a week whilst pumping (DH home at weekends and very involved).

Any thoughts/ideas/arse kicks welcome. I'm well aware I could just be being pathetic, but my god it hurts. Thanks!

Yes yes to Jelonet! Forgot about that. You can get it in pharmacies.

My babies have always wrecked my nipples despite good latch due to small mouth/big nipple issue. I use shields for about 2weeks so nipples properly heal and the babies grow bigger! Good luck, it's worth persevering but I know the agony!

Congratulations on your baby, and well done for getting this far! I bf my first with no problems, but DS2 was a totally different story. Had 3 midwives a day coming out at the start because it just didn't feel right, but everyone assured me he was latched fine.

I ended up with one nipple virtually hanging off, was trying to express but was bleeding all over the place, and had a very hungry baby on my hands. No amount of lanisoh, shields etc helped us. After 8 weeks I saw a lovely middle aged male doctor at my surgery who told me my baby would be absolutely fine however I got milk into him, but that I needed to make a decision that worked for the 3 of us (as in me and my 2 boys, DH was back at work within 36 hours of having DS2).

By this point I could barely pick up DS1 (18 months at the time) i was in so much pain, and cuddling him made me cry. I ended up going cold turkey that day, which led to mastitis and a few days of feeling awful, both physically and mentally for feeling like I hadn't given DS2 the same start as DS1.

But actually, stopping was the best thing I could have done for him - I stopped dreading him crying knowing that it meant he was hungry and I would be in toe-curling agony for the next 30 mins. I enjoyed him snuggling in for his bottle, and I felt I could take both boys out more easily without nipples bleeding all over the place!!

2 weeks after stopping bf I took DS2 to my chiropractor for his newborn check, and when I told her about his bf problems she checked his palate. It turned out to be very lopsided, so although he looked like he was latching on perfectly inside his mouth he was struggling. She adjusted it straight away, but by then my milk had dried up. I felt guilty for ages that I hadnt taken him to my chiropractor for so long, but really I think motherhood is characterised by feeling guilty about something!

I now have a 3 year old who was EBF for 6 months, and an 18 month old who was FF from 8 weeks and they are both bright, lively, super smart, loving little boys. As that wise doctor said, you have to make a decision for the family, and what makes life better for all of you. I think I was probably on the brink of developing PND I was so caught up in BF, but stopping was the best thing for us.

I hope everything works out for you, sorry for the essay!!xxx

How are you doing, OP?

Jelonet saved my sanity. After the easiest bf relationship ever with my first, my second was hell. TT cut at 5 days (paid privately, GP wouldn't refer despite weightloss and the fact I could wear a shirt for the pain) but damage was done and jelonet was the only thing that helped the deep cracks heal and allowed me to be able to leave the house. I really would get the LC back or even find another (IBCLC - there's a list on their website) and Order some jelonet off Amazon (couldn't get it in any local pharmacies) and stop feeling like you have to "woman up" at anything!

I haven't read all the comments but just want to tell you what I've done. Currently bf baby 5. Hardest so far, has been a real struggle. I also have the large breasts/flat nipple struggle. Nipple shields are my best friend. Baby is now 12 weeks and it's getting easy now. For the first 8 weeks I was crying with every feed, struggling to cuddle her because they were so sore, feeling a complete failure because I've ebf 4 other children (including my twins!!) and never found it this bad. But I'm one of those silly people who won't give a bottle to ease the pressure a bit. Put lansinoh on before and after feeds. I was also putting lansinoh in the inside of the nipple shields so when nipple was pulled into them it didn't hurt so much. You will get through it. We are now able to feed off both sides without nipple shields but she has been a bit poorly so using them a bit more at the moment. Ideally will get rid completely but as long as she is feeding happily I will carry on with whatever works!! Bear in mind that feeding takes slightly longer with nipple shields, don't start thinking baby is struggling to get the milk. We can feed for 15 minutes without but takes 25 with. Hope some of this helps. Good luck

Op I brestfed my first no problems, my second started fine then one breast became like yours, by the sound if it. I stopped now and again as I couldn't bear it but expressed a bit of milk and smoothed it round the affected area while breastfeeding on the other. It really helped so that while still a bit painful at first, I did manage to restart breastfeeding on that side too. For some reason the affected side was always troublesome so I did take a break from it now and again, until my second DD stopped breastfeeding about 10months later of her own accord. Hope you manage to continue but if not don't beat yourself up the early stages are really good to breastfeed and you have already done that.

On a lighter note I did wonder if my boobs would become lop-sided but they did'nt!

Gosh, thanks everyone so much for your replies.

Shortly after I wrote my op I realised I had come down with mastitis, and had the mega temperature/shivers/agonising solid boob etc. I managed to get antibiotics quickly but unfortunately that, added to anaemia and general exhaustion and agony, just put the final nail in the coffin for me and direct breast feeding. Also, DD does have a posterior tongue tie, which the lactation consultant identified during her visit but we couldn't get it cut for a week.

Since then I've been expressing and am managing to almost exclusively feed DD breast milk. From my experience with my DS I'm hoping to catch her up in the next week or so, so she won't need any formula at all. My nipples are almost healed, although still don't look quite right, but the expressing doesn't hurt at all. In some ways I feel as though I've failed as I'm sure BFing would have been easier in the long term, but she's still getting breast milk and this works for us as a family. My lovely DH is so relieved, as he was getting worried seeing me so uncomfortable and unhappy, and he's doing the weekend night feeds so I just have to wake up to pump. It has also meant I can get out and about again with our very lively DS, rather than being stuck on the sofa with my boobs out! I'm sure I wouldn't have jumped ship so easily if I hadn't been so successful with expressing last time, but I knew I could do it so the temptation was strong when the BFing was such agony.

Thank you all so much for your help and wise words, and good luck to anyone else in the same boat.