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Infant feeding

Bottle refused and social life - feel trapped.

17 replies

ANiceSliceOfCake · 21/03/2016 18:10

I just wondered what other mums of bottle refusers do, my baby is EBF and won't even take expressed milk from a bottle. He's 7 months and feeds on demand but it's usually every 3 hours or so.

So, how do you go out? Not that I'm up for a crazy night out but I feel I can't go,out and relax in the evening to maybe see friends, or pop for a swim, as I have a small window from the 7pm feed before his bed to about 10.30-11 for his next feed, sometimes he can go till 1pm but it's hard to predict. I feel rushed and like there a timer on me.

So, what do you all do? Do you go out with the 'timer feeling' or not bother atall.

OP posts:
TeaBelle · 21/03/2016 18:12

Honestly - I didn't bother. But dd was able to go much longer when she was firmly on solids - so by about 8.5 months she was eating 3 big meals a day, so could be left without starving. Hang in there!

SpeakNoWords · 21/03/2016 18:51

Sorry, not an answer you'll like, but I didn't go out on my own without the baby until he was only feeding twice a day, morning and bedtime which was12 months plus. I didn't mind but can see it's frustrating if that's not the case.

You could go for a swim after the 7pm feed, assuming you're not hours away from a pool? Can you express in case of a surprise early request for a feed?

I think that feeling of having limited time is part of the whole being responsible for another human being thing, it gets less urgent as they get older but it's still there.

SolsburyHell · 21/03/2016 18:58

How hard have you tried to get him to take a bottle (not meaning to sound insulting, I had a bottle refuser from 3-6 months)? I found the Mam ones worked for us in the end.

Otherwise, I would have had to wait until baby could have eaten a snack if hungry, tho obviously not great at night time, before I could have left it for more than 2 hours. It's so tough, I cannot explain the relief when I was finally able to give her a bottle.

Iggi999 · 21/03/2016 19:02

There are babies who will take a bottle (or a cup perhaps at this age) from another person but not their mother. Also if he is on solids and being given regular milk he really doesn't need to have the feed he'd miss while you're out. He might be upset when you're out, but he will neither starve nor dehydrate.
I fed on demand for years incidentally, but you do need to carve out some time for yourself too.

stitch10yearson · 21/03/2016 19:08

In the grand scheme of things, breastfeeding goes on for such a small period of time that its much simpler to just take the hit, and not go out. I know thats not what you want to hear. Soon your baby will be taking their nourishment mainly from solid food and you will fondly look back at breastfeeding days when your baby needed you .
My younger two refused a bottle till 8 months old and two weeks later were no longer breastfeeding. Natural progression.

ANiceSliceOfCake · 21/03/2016 19:49

Thanks. I've tried literally every trick in the book to get him to take a bottle, I try every day still but no luck. The only thing I've not tried is to leave him for a whole day, but I suspect he would just cry and still not take it.

Arnt they supposed to have formula or breast milk till 12 months? So I may just have to wait it out then till he weans off the milk?

We are still doing 1-2 night feeds too, I'm hoping they stop eventually.

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 21/03/2016 19:52

They are supposed to have f or bm yes, but not for every drink! Some water at this age is fine.
I bf one of mine for almost four years, no way would I be staying in for that length of time - I was at work if nothing else.

SolsburyHell · 21/03/2016 19:54

Give it a month or two though and he should be so established on 3 meals a day that he won't NEED that 10.30 pm feed. He may want it but he'll absolutely survive without it. It just may be tough on whoever is babysitting that night (though I do think they behave a lot better when not looked after by mummy).

Marzipants · 21/03/2016 19:58

How about trying to stretch the feeds out to every four hours? I'm sure my DSs were going that long at that age.

I recently had a couple of friends over for a takeaway and gossip. DD (4mo) joined us for a bit but they were happy for a cuddle and she loved the extra attention. And it made me feel SO much better to have some proper adult interaction!

AnnaT45 · 21/03/2016 20:01

I had this problem. In the end I left DD for a day. She refused first two feeds but took it after that. Since then I made sure she had a bottle every day if poss and it was fine. I know it sounds extreme but I needed a break for my sanity as she was not a sleeper! Like PP said once on foods hopefully they will drop some feeds.
Good luck!

lcoc2015 · 21/03/2016 20:08

I am in the same position i do find it quite suffocating at times altho my dd is only 4 months. She is a slow weight gainer also so can't really do tough love on it either. Can you substitute and feeds for baby rice / porridge made with expressed bm or formula? I'm putting my hopes on that for a bit of freedom when she is 6 months so please tell me it works. My only other plan is to use sippy cup or maybe try doidy cup?

GhostOfChristmasPresents · 21/03/2016 20:16

When our second DC consistently refused a bottle, I felt very frustrated indeed. But in the end, for us it was less stressful in the end to accept the limitation than to fight it...As it turned out, she dropped feeds quicker than her brother after starting solids so it was just morning and bedtime when I was needed. My evening social life has been more limited than first time around(with a few exceptions I've only been out very locally), but it's actually been OK-although am very much looking forward to outings without that 'timer feeling' when I do stop! I hope things work out well for you whatever approach you take Flowers

Coconut0il · 21/03/2016 20:27

DS2 is 7 months, total bottle refuser. Didn't want to waste a fortune trying all different bottles so he has a sippy cup for water and all his milk from me.
Haven't been out loads but have managed a few nights out. I do worry and think he will end up crying with hunger as when I'm there he is an absolute milk monster and feeds at least every 3 hours. However I do find if I'm not there he will just wait. DP is a master of distraction and now DS can also have food it's getting easier.
Last Friday I went out for a meal, fed DS before I went and then DP had the toys, the bath, the pushchair, the puree, the rusk (Blush might have sugar but takes DS about 30 minutes to get through one), the water... I was out for about 5 hours and fed DS when I got back.
The only thing I would say is I never go too far away. If DP phoned and said DS was hungry I could be back in 10 mins. It's not forever.

bittapitta · 21/03/2016 21:33

Honestly I just waited and by 10 months baby was eating so well and sleeping so well that we could go out for dinner while family babysat. I even did a full KIT day and work night out on the same day! Fed at wake up, and after breakfast time as usual, went to work, popped back around 4/5pm to nurse, went out again for the evening! Bliss. It's not that long to wait though I appreciate your frustration.

ANiceSliceOfCake · 21/03/2016 22:02

Thank you for all your comments, I know knowone has the magic answer but it's nice to know I'm not alone.

icoc he won't eat baby rice or porridge even with expressed milk!

I'll just keep plodding with the food, he's getting there but still wants boob quite a bit.

He does sip water from a cup, but not the milk.

I'm an ideal world I'd like him to take a bottle so I can go out, have a couple of drinks and my husband do the night feeds etc, just so it's a real 'night off' sort of thing. I know it's not long to wait, I just feel a bit left out at the minute I suppose.

Thank you for the support. It helps.

OP posts:
GhostOfChristmasPresents · 22/03/2016 07:46

When I spoke to other people I was surprised at how many had this issue, I know it's totally anecdotal but amongst my friends there are several. Made me at least feel like I wasn't on my own!

Sparrowlegs248 · 22/03/2016 16:46

I haven't had a night out or any real time without ds since he was born 8 months ago. Also refuses bottle though will drink water from asippy cup and is getting to grips with food. Refuses spoons mostly too though did have about 2/3 of a baby yogurt today.

I left him with Mil Monday for 4 hours, he would normally feed before his nap so he missed that. But he still slept, and she gave him a bit of breakfast and a snack. He was fine. No tears. Was pleased to see me and fed when I got back. Longest ever time away from him! I do think it's harder at night though.

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