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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Benefits of short term breastfeeding?

19 replies

Beatrice · 19/05/2004 21:07

I've just joined mumsnet in the hope of hearing something that will help me come to terms with my failure to breastfeed my daughter. I managed 4 weeks of exclusive bf, but she still hadn't regained her birthweight so I started supplementing with one then two then lots of bottles, and then gave up altogether when she was 7 weeks. She is now 16 weeks and doing well, but the sadness and guilt of not being able to feed her is overwhelming. I know that having a depressed mother would probably do her more damage than formula feeding, so I'm trying really hard to get over this, but I can't stop myself from obssessively re-reading all the documentation about how good bf is and panicking about the damage I have done to my daughter. It would really help to be able to focus on the benefits, if any, that she got from being bf for just a few weeks, rather than constantly worrying about the things she missed out on by not being bf for a year. Does anyone have any information or know of any links that might help with this? I'm a bit worried that this sounds like I'm looking for a justification for giving up breastfeeding. That's not what this is about at all. I know that "breast is best" and I'm not asking anyone to pretend that's not true just to make me feel better. I'm just looking for any information that will make me feel a bit less of a failure and help me get things into perspective so that I can get over this and not inflict on my daughter the added disadvantage of having a depressed mother.

OP posts:

Heathcliffscathy · 19/05/2004 21:15

i was only breastfed for 10 days b, and i'm a v v healthy person...the most important bit is the v beginning i think. i'm sure you'll get lots of posts on the benefits of four weeks (a lot more than the majority of women manage)...you've done really well...i mean that.

Hulababy · 19/05/2004 21:25

I only exclusively bf for 4 weeks and moved DD onto formula at 6 weeks completely. It was the right thing to do for us and our circumstances.

BUT you did well to feed her at the start - congratulate yourself on that. You gave her a great start.

DD is now 25 months and is thriving. Her development is fantastic and she is a really healthy little girl - rarely has an illness at all.

As you say, the most important thing you can give your daughter is a happy, healthy mummy who loves her dearly. It sounds like you fit the bill and are doing what's right for you and your baby. Feel proud of yourself for that

moominmama86 · 19/05/2004 21:26

Oh, Beatrice, please don't feel a failure. That's the last thing you are. You've said it yourself - 'she's now 16 weeks and doing well'. I don't have any specific links I'm afraid but I do know that even just 4 weeks of exclusive bf will have given your dd a great start and there's no way that you are 'damaging' her by not bf'ing now. The first few weeks are by far the most important as regards antibodies and so on, so you've done a great job.

Yes, 'breast is best' in an ideal world but it simply doesn't work for everyone in practice. Please, please don't feel guilty. You've done brilliantly.

toddlerbob · 19/05/2004 22:21

Colostrum is the very most important bit to line her gut. She got that and more. Give yourself a pat on the back and get on with being a mum.

hercules · 19/05/2004 22:49

In a short while you'll forget about this and start to feel guilty about something else, then something else, then something else and so on and so on. Motherhood equals guilt i'm afraid. this guilt you feel at the moment will feel minor in respect to the life long guilt to come.

If you had continued breastfeeding you'd be posting here about something else you feel bad about. People who bottlefeed dont have the monopoly on guilt.
Enjoy your baby and forget about the breastfeeding. You gave her the colostrum which is the most important bit and I believe has life long benefits. I'll look for links.

They are babies for such a short time please dont let this cloud this time.

tiktok · 20/05/2004 01:57

Beatrice, here is a link which I hope will help you:

click here

It tells you the specific benefits of bf according to the time you do it....and you will learn you have made a real difference in bf for four weeks.

The vast majority of women who give up breastfeeding before 6 weeks do it reluctantly - and most of them have not had the right support and info to continue. It is nothing for you to feel guilt about, though of course it is natural to feel sad when something we hoped for doesn't work out.

You can, if you want, put your baby to the breast at any time, for comfort and closeness. She may or may not latch on, but she will enjoy the intimacy. Relactation at this stage may not be what you want (and it may prove hard to build up a milk supply again - and you and your baby may feel better just to move on) but cuddles at the breast may comfort you, and just be a nice thing to do

Ghosty · 20/05/2004 02:10

Dear Beatrice ...
Please please please don't beat yourself up about this. By feeding your baby for even 4 weeks you have given her the best start.
I have spent 4 years feeling guilty for giving DS a bottle of formula at 5 weeks and then giving up completely by 7 weeks. He is a really really healthy, robust, bright 4 year old now and I seriously don't think that feeding him for a year would have made him any healthier/brighter.
It has taken the support of mumsnet to get me to come to terms with what I saw as a 'failure' on my part as a mother and has enabled me to get to 15 weeks of exclusive breastfeeding my DD this time round.
Thinking of you and sending hugs {{{{{}}}}}

Ghosty · 20/05/2004 02:18

Tiktok ... excellent link by the way ... thank you

almost40 · 20/05/2004 03:09

Beatrice, for what it's worth, most of my friends and I were never breastfed, since we were born during a time when it was not encouraged. I think we're all pretty much normal, healthy human beings. I think how you're feeling though is something that most women feel when they stop breastfeeding, whether it is at 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years. In other words, it may not be just that you feel like you've failed your DD, but you could be feeling the normal hormonal feelings (sadness?) associated with stopping breastfeeding. Try not to think about it -easier said than done, I know. I think the depressiong your feeling should pass soon. HTH.

Original poster

Beatrice · 20/05/2004 21:29

Thanks everyone, that really helps. Tiktok, you mentioned relactation. Is that possible at this stage? I thought once the milk was gone it was gone until the next baby.

OP posts:

Piffleoffagus · 20/05/2004 21:33

My Dh was bottlefed and is a highly educated fit as fiddle, charming, ray of sunshine....
You absolutely tried your best, give yourself praise for this.
Lots more things to feel guilt about as a mum, time to move on to the next one now
WEll done for asking for answers though, if it helps you then you have done the right thing... And for support and real life answers you have come to the right place!

motherinferior · 20/05/2004 21:54

Beatrice,
you sound like a thoughtful, loving mother. You haven't damaged her by bottle-feeding her, honey. And you're giving her something which, I seriously think, is far more important than breastmilk - you're giving her love and care and doing your utmost to get over the way you're feeling.

16 weeks is a lovely time - ooh, you're just coming up for the magic six months, which I think is probably one of the most adorable. Ditch the guilt and enjoy!

princesspeahead · 20/05/2004 22:28

Beatrice, this is exactly what happened with my first dd. At 4 weeks, not only had she not regained birthweight, but I was told that if I didn't start supplementing with formula she would have to be admitted to hospital. And of course she gulped down about 8oz in her first bottle after a full feed.... and of course by 7 weeks I had stopped since she was clearly getting 90% of her food from formula.
And I must say that after the inital sadness and tears and guilt, I recovered, and she is fine! (She is now 6). You are not a failure, you did brilliantly. And as everyone says, feeding for 4 weeks gives the majority of the benefit - the really important antibodies and goodness - everything else is just icing on the cake. It really isn't worth getting depressed about.

Which brings me to my second point - you mentioned depression twice in that post. Are you concerned that your worries over not breastfeeding may cause depression, or are you borderline or actually depressed, and you are looking for some "reason" for it? Because if you are depressed, there may not be any specific reason, but there is certainly help that can be given. And which you really should look for if you are in any way on the edge. There are an awful lot of people here who have suffered from PND and can give you a lot of support and advice if you need it. It is an illness which can be treated, and again it is nothing to feel guilty about or which you should feel you did or didn't do anything to bring on.

Hope this makes sense. And sorry if I'm off target. Best of luck xx

Tommy · 20/05/2004 22:32

Beatrice - ditto everyone else. I think I may only just stopped feeling guilty about breastfeeding DS1 for only a few weeks (he's 2.5 now!)At the time, it was the most upsetting, disappointing thing in the world but lots of people pointed out to me that any breastmilk is better than none.
BTW I am still feeding DS2 (9m) so it all came right second time around - maybe it will for you too!

tiktok · 20/05/2004 23:20

Beatrice - relactation is possible, though not to be embarked on lightly. When it's been a long time, it's harder to regain a full milk supply.

There is info

here

Original poster

Beatrice · 21/05/2004 10:12

No, Princesspeahead, I'm not depressed. Most of the time I'm fine, it's only when I let myself dwell on this that it all gets a bit too much - that's why I wanted to hear some good news so I can try to think more positively. But thanks for your concern.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beatrice · 21/05/2004 10:13

Does anyone have any experience of relactation after more than 2 months of bottle feeding?

OP posts:

bunnyrabbit · 21/05/2004 14:47

Hi Beatrice,
Sorry, nothing to do with relactaction, only about giving up BF.

I breastfed for 3 weeks then had to stop. I don't know how I would have made it through the next week without the support of mumsnet and my DH. I felt guily, a failure, useless, was ready to give up DS for adoption as I was such a c**p mum..... but it passed. I realised there is so much more to having a baby than breastfeeding and, as hercules points out, you soon find something else to worry about, should I do CC?, should I go back to work etc etc etc..

In the end you have to do what's best for you and your baby. If you want to try breastfeeding again that's brilliant, but you don't have to. You'll soon be moving on to the joy of solids and all the fun/traumas that can bring!!!

I have to admit that I will always feel a little sad when I think of the last time I breastfed DS, regardless of the pain at the time, but I can now look at this objectively. There's a lot more to being a mum than breastfeeding, everyday is a joy and my DS ( nearly 9 months) is such an angel, it all seems like so long ago. Enjoy your DD and your precious time together....

kbaby · 21/05/2004 19:35

Dont feel guilty. By breastfeeeding for the time you did you have given your baby all the antibodies from your colostrum which is supposed to be full of vitamins etc and then you have still provided your baby with 6 weeks of breastmilk. Your baby needs a happy mum and there are a large number of mums who dont breastfeed and their babies are just as healthy as a breastfed baby.

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