First time very anxious feel like im failing as a mum

[Dingdongdebbsyandbibbyonhigh]

just a quick post from me for some advice please sorry i havent got chance to catch up with everyone yet.We hve had 2 hrs sleep so far over 3 nites. Kai is breast feeding really well in the day he sleeps really well,come nighttime he cries every time i put him down i feed him then he goes fast asleep,i put him down and he starts crying,i pick him up wind him change his nappy sing to him,he was ok for a few mins then starts to cry,last nite he was never off my breasts,from 12pm to 6.45 this morning.This is really upsetting me i feel like a failure im tired my nipples hurt.Im seriously thinking of packing bf in if only to get some sleep.Im very anxious that im not making a good mum to Kai.Please help.

dh took ds out in his pram for a while so i can get some rest what about if i expressed?
nipples are very sore its hurting me to feed him now on one.Yes im using lasinoh too.The bottle feed would only be one his last one at night as i feel im not satisfying his needs this was another mums suggestion as this was what solved her problem.I really want to give my son the very best but i feel im failing him as if its not enough.

I am sorry if it sounds as though I am being unsupportive.'

You really do have exactly the right amount of milk for your son. It was designed that way. The more he feeds, the more your body makes.

Have you tried expressing? In my experience this is preferable to formula but it also has its challenges.

I am wrong in thinking that your concerns are as follows:

1. That he will only sleep if held.

1. That you are not producing enough milk ti keep him satisfied.

1. That it is now painful to feed him (on at least one side)?

oh honney (((Hugs))) haven't read all the messages, but please remember around now your milk will be coming in - this means both you and baby will get stressed out - kai gas he won't get his delicioius milk from his mummy and you becasue kai will be frustrated and your hormones will be chanign with the milk, it's all perfectly normal, and with any luck should only last a few days before you both get settled down into things.

unfortunaltly hon your nipples will hurt for a few weeks - all I can suggest there is loads of cream - we were going thru 3 tubes a month, and lots of pads, apply and change after every feed.

get some nipple sheilds, and get your m/w to check his latch - I couldn't feed joey accross my tummy till he was nigh on 16 weeks - until then it had to be the rugby hold - ask your m/w to show you.

everything you're saying is perfectly normal - right down to the DH taking kai for a little while. and as for the sleeping thing - well have you tried co sleeping? at this stage I would advise against the formula if you want to keep BF - I asked my M/W the same thing when J was 4 days old - can I express/bottle feed so DH can feel involved - she said to me, if DH want's to feel involved you feed then pass baby to DH so he changes, winds soothes etc whilst you rest and get sleep - so basically girl, eat feed and sleep yourself let your DH do everything else - asnd I mean everything else. I know how wlovely it is to be doing things with kai as well but for the next few days you will need to have some rest as well

you are not a failiure you're doing real well, we've all been there with this, and if kai likes sleeping on you - please let him - remember you comfort him, you are all he knows, until 4 days ago he had a lovely warm protected environment now he's learning as much as you.

chin up hon, this stage will pass I promise you

please talk to your m/w as well they're there to help.

ooh and finally b4 I burn t, do you swaddle? try swaddaling might help to make Kai feel more secure

no he will sleep during the day not at night as soon as i feed him at night he pulls himself off then i try him again he refuses so i put him down.5 mins later he is awake again and crying so i pick him up he feeds ten mins or longer put him down again and he starts again.He feeds really well throught the day and will sleep as well its just at night.I feel like im not giving him enough and thats whats making me feel ive failed him,he isnt sleeping enough cos im not giving him enough and that is also upsetting me i pick him up i love him he settles but at night with me he just wont...

Debsy,

expressing may help but it can be disheartening especially in the beginning. One of the reasons I gave up bfing was because after spending 30 minutes expressing and not even getting an ounce of milk I decided that I wasn't providing enough.

If you want to give a bottle do it after trying to bf that way you can see if he's still hungry after.

Try to relax as much as you can when he's crying in your arms. I truly believe that babies can feel your frustration as well as happiness. If you're not confident or if your upset he'll pick up on those feelings.

Being a first time mom is the hardest thing there is. Don't hesitate to reach out to family and friends for anything.

(also my m/w told me that forula wouldn't settle him any more/for any longer than my BM, so from that POV I didn't see any point. also do you leak? get some cups to collect your leakage - then GH can give that - I was advised against expressing for 6 weeks but tiktoc will give you better advice re that)

i'm on email if u wanna chat

honney everything's back to front with him - you have enough milk as he wouldn't settle by day if you didn't - least that's what i was always led to beleive. kick DH in the spare room and you/kai try sleeping together on the bed - might help you as bit - he's prob just working on your supply for tomorrow - as I say around now your milk comes in

my bf is coming up to show me how to swaddle (i dont even know how to do that!)
so wouldnt expressing help me a little? as it really is very hard to bf as nipples are really painful,and its making me feel like i dont like bf whgich is upsetting me even more to think that.

mw watched me bf on thurs all you ever get from her is your doing fine dont worry.

Awww Debbsy - it does get much easier I promise. The only time I ever had sore nipples was in the first 1-2 weeks, and they've had no problems since, and still going at 10 months.

Nothing can prepare you for how hard those first few weeks are I'm afraid, but it's so worth it to stick with it.

Debsy, expressing may help (I'm no expert), but I don't want you to feel bad if you express, and there isn't much there. With the way your feeling now, if you express and there isn't much there you will feel worse about bfing in general.

You remind me of me. I had those exact feelings of not feeling good enough, I hated every minute of bfing, because it hurt, and I felt like I wasn't providing enough.

Give yourself, and Kai, time to get used to things.

Poor you , 4 days is still so early and you are doign well to get thus far and are probably still experiencing emotional ups and downs and fatigue from the birth. Perhaps the mw isn't best qualified to help you establish b'feedign , odd though that may sound. Have you phoned any of the breastfeedign counselling helplines. There may well be a drop-in support group or cafe in your area, or a trained specialist may even be able to come to you , to check your latch and positioning. Also ask your mw to check for thrush as that could make you sore however good your technique.

tbh the sleeping in the day and not night is very normal for a newborn, please don't assume that you are doing something wrong or your supply is inadequate because of it. His behaviour will change as his tummy grows, he gains better head and body control and appetite changes. Good luck

Debsy: stay off the internet, and yes, even mumsnet

Your baby is four days old.

You are doing fine.

He is behaving normally. He is not especially unsettled for a new baby at all.

He doesn't want to 'go down' at night because he is still new and wants to be with you and your familiar voice, smell, taste and touch. 4 days ago he was surrounded by you!

All this stuff about giving bottles and expressing is interfering with the job of just bf him or holding him. Just going with the flow, co-sleeping (safely) and not expecting him to do anything other than get used to the world in his own way....all that will help more than coming on here, truly.

I worry when very new mothers are doing anything other than just snuggling up in bed with their babies and being looked after by their partners,,..it's not the time for asking every tom dick and harry's advice on the internet, IMHO!

Take what you can from this thread and then snuggle up

lol. thanks tiktok as usual you've summed upo my points in one go

debs - you're doing fab, and look inot the nipple sheilds. doesn't take long for your nippples to harden up a bit

Well just to let you all know and thank you for the advice (tic tok i did what you said and didnt log at all and spent time with my dds) we have SLEPT i stuck with it,and we are now feeding properly every 3 hrs very happy mummy now!!! off to have a nice bath whilst ddh has taken Kai xmas shopping .xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Debbsy, that's great and lovely you have had a good sleep!

Just a point: your baby may well not stick with every 3 hours, and I would be surprised if he did! More frequent feeding is absolutely fine - after all, do you always eat at the same time every day!?

It may also be that with the coming excitement and noise, he may seek a lot of cuddles and comfort to feel cosy and safe, and that again is normal....and if you need more support and info, you know where to come

Thanks Tictoc xx

glad u're sticking with it debs, now log off and have some rest whilst you can.

you're doing brilliantly, believe in yourself and abilities to produce the milk.

Way to go debbsy. I hope you feel reassured.