Tips for stopping feeding ds at night

[dinny]

ds's night-feeding is creeping up again - he's coming in our bed and ending up feeding most of the night. he's become really fussy about eating food in the day - probably because he's feeding at night?

really need to get him sleeping through but will find it hard to stop him feeding later as I know he'll be hungry as he didn't each much tea. Help! we're all back-to-front. ds is 2 and 4 months.

help me!

oh dinny, i was thinking about you earlier. no help i'm afraid, dd is still a voracious feeder at 18 months, in our bed & snacking all night. we must be mad .

funny, was thinking about you just t'other day.

just don't know how to turn it around. it's getting ridiculous, he's not eating much food and dh is getting really peeed off sharing our bed, especially as ds kicks him around in the night.

going to have to be strong and just not feed him when I get home (am at work!) and then try and get him to eat a good breakfast....

Ho sorry can't help but my DD is 2 and 4 months also and she is doing exaclty the same. I try to get her back to bed with just a cuddle but she usually protests loudly and this wakes up her sister who has to go to school, so sometimes I admit it's easier to give in and "boobie" her back to sleep. She quite often ends up in our bed in the early morning as well.

My DD has been ill with a nasty cold, and I went back to work again reasonably recently so am wondering if she is needing some extra mummy-cuddles - is there anything like that going on for you? Sometimes I think they make up at night for what we don't have time to give them in the daytime.

I'm not personally comfortable with crying it out, although I am trying to make any night time nursing brief and encouraging her to sleep with a cuddle rather than a breastfeed. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. I guess I am trying to focus on it being a stage of development that she WILL grow out of.

Just last night I copied an idea from the book "no cry sleep solution" which is to make a "no more boobie" book - I just did it on the PC using photos I already have - it goes from her being a baby to being a big girl and not needing Mummie's milk anymore. She loves the book! But we shall see if the message sinks in. I find if I try to push the @big girl@ thing too hard she just says "No I'm not a big girl I'm just (insert name)"

It is knackering I know. Sorry I don't have any real ideas just wanted you to know you're not alone. Yawwwn.

love the no more boobie book idea. think dd may be too young for it though.

dinny, dd is exactly the same as your ds, spends most of the night kicking dp. who is a bit pissed off with it....

hello, mrsmalumbas

hey, what date in Sept is your dd? my ds is 7th...

yes, same situ as you - my dd is at school so really can't have him waking her up. am tempted to fill a beaker with milk tonight and offer that and cuddles when he wakes. if need to, will bed down beside his little bed....

he also comes in at about 5sm (if not before) and feeds for a couple of hours... it gets earlier and earlier each time!

he is genuinely hungry at night because he's not eating much in the day - vicious circle!

I was really stuggling to stop night feeds I found it very emotionally stressful because its so difficult and time consuming to pacify a child with any thing else once they are used to booby.
Can dad deal with nights and bed routine? Its hard going and stressful when you can hear your ds crying knowing that a quick suckle (and thats all it is cos they dont need the food) will sort everything out and you can get back to bed.

hmmm, he always says he will but he never hears ds until it's too late and he's in our bed latched on!

my dp sleeps like the dead too....

My DH just like that too!

My DD is actually August - 24th.

God love her, she's such a sweet pea, but I could really do without the 4am booby run!

Have only scanned this thread, so this prob wont help, but ds2 was on 3 night feeds forever. We persevered with dh giving him a bottle, which he refused at first, so a while of hell, but now he'll only need one 'night' feed which is virtually morning... 4amish... and knows there's no chance of a bf.

I recently stopped feeding my DD who is 2.5, although we actually night weaned nearly a year ago. The first night of night weaning was tough but I was quite surprised how easy it was after that. I would just say no, it's finished, or wait til it's light, later, etc. DD is quite a determined person so I really was expecting it to be harder than it actually was.
Anyway, cut to a year later and getting rid of the last feed, I think by nearly 2 1\2 they really can understand a lot more, we explained for a couple of weeks in advance that she would be stopping soon (to the point where she would actually say "stopping" as we lay down for her bedtime feed) then when we actually did it she didn't complain at all. I was amazed (and relieved).

I think the book idea is a really fantastic one, I would say try reading him that for a couple of weeks then take a deep breath and just say no when he comes in at night, refer to your story etc. School holidays are coming up so maybe now is a good time to go for it. Hopefully you'll be pleasantly surprised how easy it is.

wonder if giving ds a beaker of milk would mean he'd stop bothering to wake up at night....without being too harsh on him!

Well you could try it and see what happens, but he may continue to bother you in the middle of the night for that .
Have you tried giving him a really big feed last thing before he goes to sleep? Maybe remind him there'll be no more til the morning? It shouldn't be a hunger issue at this age, if it wasn't for the fact that, as you say, you've got youselves into a vicious circle with him eating little in the daytime.

Hi Dinny

I've not posted before, but hope that I can offer some advice to you as the situations sounds horribly familiar.....my DS would bfeed several times each night, barely ate any food during the day etc etc. The only Bfeeds he was having were at night as I work full time. He happliy took milk from a beaker during the day and had one bottle last thing at night.

Eventually we decided that an intervention was necessary as no one was getting any sleep. It was hard work but we did it. DP took over the night wakings and offered a bottle of cow's milk each waking. We did this for a couple of weeks so he got used to the "No Breast" policy, then gradually diluted the milk with water so it got weaker and weaker over a period of weeks. Then as if by magic he stopped needing the milk to settle.

Unfortunately he still wakes up several times each night and he still sleeps in our bed but it is miles better. We hope to make the transisition to "big boy bed" soon but one step at a time.

DS is 18 months by the way.

Hope this is helpful.

I'm in exactly the same situation! DD2 (age 2.1) wakes about 4-6 times per night for feeding and hardly eats anything during the day. Back in about Sept we resolved to stop her feeding at night, and DH dealt with her (I went into the spare room for a few nights). The first night was rough but it improved quite rapidly after that, although we could not seem to settle her after about 4.30/5am so usually at that point I would give in and feed. The trouble is, it's slipped right back to square 1 again. The plan is to do it again over the Christmas holidays when we are both at home for 10 days and can catch up on sleep in the daytime if necessary. And not to feed at all until 7am or later. She won't drink cow's milk in the daytime so she won't go for that, but we'll just offer water or cheese or breadstick to nibble if she's hungry. (Gotta go - she's just up for her first waking of the night - 11.05pm!)

Its hell - been there! we found it was a several stage approach.

At least with a kid over 2 you stand a better chance of explaing to them that no they can't have milk at night.

You pick a week when you and DH/P can do some night shifts and also get some rest during the day.

On the first day, feed DS wheatever he likes all day long, obviuosly limit sweeter things later on in case of a sugar buzz but try not to restrict his choice in any other way - the aim is to get him as full up as possible of solid food. Let him eat wherever he wants as well, in his pram in front of the TV etc.
Use any trick you can, and give either a breast or bottle feed last thing before bedtime, lights off and all quiet.

as part of the bedtime routine explain to DS that he can't have milk during the night now - you'll know what would work best for him whether beign told he is a 'big boy' or whatever.

Promise a treat if he gets through the night with no milk/food - the treat often works best if its more time with you or dad or both doing something he enjoys. That way you can also link no milk = less tired mummy to play with you.

He is probably old enough for a simple star chart too - so 1 star = no milk, maybe a gold star if no waking mummy or daddy up at all.

Agree a wakeup time - I'd suggest a 6am feed if he has been feeding alot at night.

Then you have to grit your teeth and stick at it.

Is it just the milk feeds you want to stop or do you want him in his own bed? thats the other decision. If you are fine with co sleeping but are BFing you may find you ahve to sleep in a spare room otherwise in the ngiht he will smell the milk/see you and if he is right next to you he will feed - if its his dad its very different.

If you also want him in his own bed you may need to spend a fair proportion of the first few nights either in his room with him or sitting outside his door.

A healthy 2 yr old won't starve overnight, hard as it is if you have offered plenty of food throughout the day you have to be the strong one and see it through for at least one night - hopefully he will then be ravenous for breakfast - again make it his fav foods and relax the rules a bit.

Good luck

Just a few words of warning about night feeding. I bf ds through toddler years and never had probloems with teeth but did the same thing with dd i.e fed her sometimes during the night and have recently spent 1000 pounds or so on dental treatment for her. Her top front teeth since the age of about 11/2 looked like she was grinding them or so the dentist said. I took her for several emergency dentist appointments over the course of a year as I really didnt believe she was grinding and I knew she hadnt damaged them in an accident as was also suggested.
I was assured by my dentist it wasnt to do with bf at night....
It was only when I got a new dentist was the previous diagnosis questioned and she was refered to a specialist. Thankfully we've saved further damage to her top front teeth by having them crowned and there should be no damage to her adult teeth.
THe specialist said it would have been hard for a standard dentist to diagnose due to the way they were corroding but she saw cases being refered often.
Of course it's not the breastmilk per se rather the feeding at night after brushing teeth.
I'd stopped bf by the time we got treatment anyway.
If I'd known then what I know now I'd have stopped night feeding under the age of one.

Nothercules - the link between night time nursing and tooth decay is a controversial one - see this . Not to be dismissive of your experience but I have had the opposite - DD1 who was largely formula fed was in the dentist just this week having a filling while DD2 who was mostly breastfed and is still night nursing has perfect teeth. I have read that one of the major causes of dodgy enamel/dental caries in young children is too much flouride - I am inclined to go along with that as since the DDs were born we have mostly lived in a country where the water was flouridated (I don't believe it is here?). I think the breastmilk may actually have a protective effect.

But I'd still like to stop night nursing! I like the ideas set out below about rewards and such but for the time being just don't have the energy to enforce it. Perhaps I'll continue to grin and bear it for a while. After all the cuddles are rather nice, if not the tiredness.

Thanks for the link.

Ds never had any dental problems and fed for over a year longer.

It was only the top front 4 teeth that were affected and damaged in dd and the consultant said it was a specific type fo decay that most ordinary dentists wouldnt recognise (or something along those lines).

MrsM,

can you get someone to help you out for a few days so during the day you get a break to work up the energy for the nightshift and implementing rewards/bribes?