Help! Nursing Aversion after re establishing breastfeeding.

[BlurtonOnKites]

My baby is 9 weeks old. Breastfeeding wasn't working out in hospital when she was born so I formula fed her after 2 days so they would let us go home, had a shitty birth and really needed to be at home to recover.

I was upset but felt like I did what I had to do. At 3 weeks a midwife mentioned I could re establish breastfeeding so I looked into it started pumping and tried to get my dd back to the breast. Last weekend I finally got her to latch on properly. I was so happy last weekend but then since monday I've started to get awful nursing aversion. I've had it on and off while I've been pumping but I didn't mind getting pissed off with a machine - I'd just stop and come back in a bit.

I find it so distressing when I'm feeding my daughter - it makes me feel like I hate her, and stops the second I take her off. It makes my skin crawl and I break out into a sweat and it feels like my blood boils. I've looked into D MER and I don't think it's that because I've tried to power through it and it just gets worse and worse and doesn't go with the let down.

I'm not pregnant so it's not that causing it.

I've tried distracting myself with surfing the web, doing maths calculations etc. I've tried talking myself through it but it's such an irrational feeling I can't be rational when I'm feeling it.

Also I can hand express fine but not use a pump or nurse when it's bad. I tried using nipple shields to see if that made it more intense, it didn't make a difference.

Anyway I'm pretty much at the point where I think I'm going to have to give up - I just find it too disturbing but I'm absolutely gutted. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks!

You poor thing Blurton, this sounds such a tough situation. I've experienced periods of mild aversion during my current 20 months of breastfeeding my DD but nothing as severe as you describe. D-MER is the first thing I thought of too, what makes you think it's not this? As a first step I'd speak to your midwife about it, I've just read an Australian website about D-MER and it suggests dehydration can heighten symptoms, so maybe start with drinking a large glass of water before every feed and thinking positively that this WILL help and if nothing else it may just put you in a better frame of mind going in to each feed? I wonder if subconciously you're dreading each feed and therefore maybe further perpetuating the negative feelings because you're waiting for it to happen, iyswim?

Thanks Buffalo - sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I ended up emailing Dr Jack Newman and he got back to me. He said DMER as well. I didn't think it was DMER because the feeling didn't pass but I suppose if the feeling lasts for a few minutes at a time and you get more let downs during a feed then it could feel like it was continuous.

Dr Newman suggested trying to get a prescription for Welbutin(sp?) but I thought taking an anti-depressant to breastfeed was a step too far for me.

I've decided to stop breastfeeding as it was upsetting me too much and it wasn't turning out to be the beautiful bonding time I'd hoped for! Tbh I was scared of the way it made me feel, I didn't feel like I was always in control.

I am gutted, I can't believe I went to the trouble of restarting breastfeeding and then decided I didn't like it after a few days! Bloody typical. I'm still expressing for now, hating a breastpump doesn't make me feel like a nutter, it seems like quite a rational response.