Really desperate to stop breastfeeding

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

Please don't flame me. DD2 is 4.5 months and EBF. I BF DD1 until 8 months.
We got off to a really tough start with feeding this time round. DD2 fed for almost 48 hours solid when we came out of hospital and continued to cluster feed for 12 hours overnight every night for a week. With a 20 month old at home this was pretty tough going. At 8 days post birth I developed mastitis. I was so exhausted and with running around after a toddler I didn't get to the GP quick enough and it lead to sepsis and a 4 day stint in intensive care. I kept the baby with me and continued to BF throughout the hospital stay.
I haven't enjoyed feeding at all this time round. She has a shallow latch (I've been to numerous support groups etc and just can't seem to change it). She has never slept longer than 3 hours in a row and for the past month has been up every single hour in the night. She barely feeds in the day (too distracted by DD1) and tanks up all night. She clamps her gums on my nipple and yanks really hard. She has bad wind due to the shallow latch.
I'm exhausted. I don't want to BF anymore. I know it won't change her sleeping but at least DH could take some of the night shift. I need a break.
Problem: she won't take a bottle. We've been trying for 2 months. Have tried tommee tippee, Dr Browns, lansinoh, mam, avent, nuk and mimijumi bottles. Have tried expressed BM, aptimil and hipp organic. Absolutely no joy whatsoever. Have tried DH doing it when I'm out, DM doing it when I'm out, me doing it, various positions, in her bouncy chair.
I'm on the edge. I haven't slept longer than an hour at a time for a month. I can't sleep when the baby sleeps as a) she rarely sleeps and b) I have a toddler at home too. I really, really want to stop BF, but I can't. I cry at the thought of continuing to feed and am worried about slipping into PND.
Any advice please?

Second the expressing to ensure no mastitis.

I exclusively expressed for DD and DS. DS I stopped at 6 months ish but DD was a devil and wouldn't take formula til nearly 8 months (at least she took a bottle). I gradually cut down and was fine so hopefully you will be too.

Yeah Worzels I'm not spending any more on bottles!
I'm planning to manage my supply down by expressing, and feeding her the expressed milk in the meantime. Really really don't want mastitis again.

I think you're right to manage your supply down by expressing. I think with ardent bottle refusers they'll learn to wait for boob if you just try to replace say, one feed at a time.

have you also tried latex teats? I have 2 bottle refusing kids, DC1 never took any kind of milk from anything but boob, ever. Happily drank water from sippy, but not milk. Some babies are just stubborn.

However, DC2 has finally agreed to latex, still absolutely refuses any kind of silicone, so not necessarily the case that they object to all bottles as such.

If sippy doesn't work, a friend of mine feeds her bottle-refuser from simple open cup?

120ml down!

congratulations! So what worked?

DH took her to my dads for the day. Still not fantastic and her technique currently leaves a lot to be desired but it's the most she's ever taken. Feeling really emotional about it all and is not how I wanted to do things but feel like we didn't really have a choice.

Could you try her with a tommee tippee cup with expressed bm? It sounds really tough it's bloody amazing you've come this far. You are really close to weaning age when it will get easier anyway and you should get a little break especially over lunchtime.

oh, another thing - so my Dc2 will now take bottles, but it was mixed success, some days OK, some days refusing. We discovered that she only takes them if the BM is absolutely fresh. I seem to have an excess lipase problem, so even if the milk has been properly stored in the fridge, or frozen immediately, it starts to taste soapy. If I want to store, I need to scald the milk after expressing - have been doing this for a week now and she's been drinking all her bottles. Have you checked that your milk does not taste funny?

She's been having it pumped and fresh from the boob! My dad only lives round the corner so been dropping it round.

Well done! I think once she gets the hang of bottles f will be fine.

How are you today OP? How's dd doing on the bottles?

Well it didn't go quite as planned. Managed to settle her to sleep without a breastfeed but she only had another 1oz from the bottle and woke up an hour later absolutely hysterical and wouldn't let it near her. After an hour of screaming (and her waking my toddler) I gave her a BF. She woke up in the morning with an awful cold and I felt so guilty that id left her with no milk when she was coming down with a cold. Since then we've been offering a bottle before every feed, sometimes she'll have an oz or 2 and sometimes she won't. definite progress though and i think we'll get there. Thank you all for your advice and support.

So a month later and we have finally cracked it! DH finished work for Christmas on Friday, we decided enough was well and truly enough and properly went for the tough love approach this weekend. She has just had 6oz before bed and is fast asleep. Never thought we'd see this day!

Well done baby Grot! I've just moved to ff and stopped bf/expressing and l know the relief that there is another option.

Hope the mixed feeding continues to go well