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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

On the verge of giving up breast feeding at 7 weeks - Help!

42 replies

spikeycat · 17/05/2004 07:08

I am being driven mad by a constantly hungry baby, how ever much I feed him he still wants more - he is packing on the weight so I don't think its a problem with the quality of the milk. Last night he woke at 12.45 and still has not gone back to sleep. My other half WILL NOT get up in the night as he has started a new job and needs to be wide awake (wish I had the choice!).
My health visitor has advised me to feed him and then put him back to bed and leave him to cry himself to sleep - How ever long it takes. I don't think she has any idea of his determination! He won't have a dummy.
Should he be in a routine by this age? Any suggestions would be appreciated, even though I already have a ds I feel like I've never done this before, I gave up breast feeding the first time round because of all this crap and really didnt want to give up this time but I feel like a dead man walking, I can't even trust myself to drive as I am sooooooooooooo tired
Thanks if you even read this far - I know I sound self indulgent and misserable

OP posts:

Original poster

spikeycat · 17/05/2004 17:42

oh my god - we all had a bath, and then I swaddled the little monster, came down stairs fed him, woke him up to wind him, offered the other side and hey presto, 1/2 an hour later he is still asleep and not a murmer (sp?) when I put him down. DS1's turn now, he is ussually as good as gold. Then a glass of wine for me.

Can't thank you all enough for your support today - I really did need it. I will let you know how we get on during the night.

Again, thanks for the advice. Oh, one more thing,my health visitor said you had to unwrap them to put them to bed - surely this defeats the point??

OP posts:

Pook · 17/05/2004 18:05

Spikycat
I do hope that you manage to get a decent stretch of sleep and that you get a fantastic rest while up northwith. I think what you have to do is to believe that you are an invalid. You're still recovering from your hosptial stay, as well as labour, hormonal changes etc. You CANNOT be a superwoman (I'm sure you usually are ) right now, you have to cut yourself some slack.
I used to swaddle dd in a very light sarong because it was not too hot (dd born in July) and was also large enough to really pin her down. And I left in once she went to sleep.
How about getting your shopping delivered to your house, including easy ready meals?

aloha · 17/05/2004 18:06

Spikeycat, your HV is talking crap! Good luck and enjoy staying with your mum.

princesspeahead · 17/05/2004 18:17

spikeycat your hv sounds like a baby-saboteur! you swaddle them TIGHTER to go to bed for the night!
good luck for this evening, and I'm afraid I'm another one who thinks your dp needs a good kick up the arse. Put his pjs on the sofa, announce that you are going to bed in the main bedroom by yourself, and tell him that you'd like some cocoa up there in 10 mins. And that your lovely baby ds will be visiting him at 6am-ish and you won't want to see him again until 7.30am at the earliest!

OxfordBaby · 17/05/2004 18:18

Don't unwrap him...unless it's really really hot!

tiktok · 17/05/2004 23:40

She's not talking total crap - there is concern about swaddling:

see here

Ghosty · 18/05/2004 01:24

Yes, tiktok is right ... you have to be careful about HOW you swaddle and what you swaddle with ...
If you are using a cellular blanket then make sure you use a single layer ... don't fold it double .. it can be too hot for the baby.
I used a very thin cotton, ever so slightly stretchy, blanket for DD ... making sure the blanket is not tight around the neck but snug around the shoulders ...
I stopped swaddling DD's arms when she became more active as I was scared she might strangle herself (pretty impossible to do I think but I had awful visions ...) and now (3.5 months) I still wrap her up but UNDER the arms ...
Make sure the room isn't too hot and that you don't have too many blankets on your baby.
Spikeycat ... I am horrified to see how crap your P is being ... I hope you manage to have a good rest at your Mum's.
I read stories like this and just thank my lucky stars ...
Hugs {{{{{}}}}}

Pook · 18/05/2004 08:06

When my dd was tiny and swaddled in a cotton gauze (very very thin) sarong it was BOILING and so I put her in only a vest and with no blankets. Just check temp at back of the neck - if it feels hot or sweaty amend the amount of coverage/nightwear.

moominmama86 · 18/05/2004 08:33

Ds was born last June when it was absolutely sweltering every night. I swaddled him in a thin, stretchy cotton blanket (actually a Miracle Blanket - wwww.miracleblanket.com - not cheap but bloody marvellous) with just his nappy and a fan on in the room when it was really hot. He was absolutely fine - although I was paranoid and checked him soooo often I didn't get much sleep anyway

aloha · 18/05/2004 09:14

I do think it's plain common sense that you don't boil the baby. I suspect Spikeycat is a sensible prson and anyway, she's planning to swaddle with a soft sheet, which is great. I never got the hang of it with ds but it sounds a really good idea.

LunarSea · 18/05/2004 10:11

Spikey - just because you introduce one bottle, doesn't mean you have to give up breastfeeding. Mixed feeding is perfectly possible if you stick to your good intentions of limiting the bottle to set times (Elliott's idea of getting your dp to do one bottle feed late in the evening after you've already gone to bed so that you get some sleep at least is a good one).

I think you need to lay down some ground rules - he presumably doesn't work every day? So there's no reason why he can't get up, and let you have a lie in if you've been up during the night if the next day isn't a work day is there? And get your breakfast while he's at it. If he objects just point out that it's actually less than he's expecting you to do at the moment as you've been up in the night and feeding the baby too.

Original poster

spikeycat · 18/05/2004 11:03

well, we had a long chat (more of me crying really!) - I asked him to sit and list and NOT INTERUPT. I told him how I saw things since ds2 has be born, including all the sd's stuff. He tried to butt in a few time but I wasn't having it. By the end I was in tears and he was looking at me like I was an alien.
He said the trouble was that I am alway so strong that he doesn't really see me as a person that needs reassurances etc. I said that I bloody well did, everyone needs a pat on the back sometimes.
He told me that from now on he will take over at weekends and get ds2 up at ten for a bottle feed (his suggestion - I didn't even have to prompt him). He also apologised for the weekend I got out of hosptial and for taking on extra time with the girls that he can't possibly commit to as he is at work, I told him he just assumes I am happy to get 2 babies (as ds1 at 18 months IS STILL a baby) ready to go and do the school run at 3. Plus sd's have taken to totally ignoring me.

I told him he was making me hate him. I wasn't sure if I can get back any warm feelings towards him. He looked shocked (that was the intention). And with that he bundled me off to bed with a cup of tea, a hot water bottle, my book and some tissue (still crying!). He came to bed later but when ds2 woke up he went and got him and then went to go to sleep in sd's bunkbeds. I feel more human today and I really hope he can make a turn round.

Thanks everyone! I'm still going to my mums though, think it will mak ehim realise how much I do as I am not doing anything before I go.

OP posts:

elliott · 18/05/2004 11:07

yesss, result!!
Hope things start to look up now. Sometimes they do just need telling don't they

aloha · 18/05/2004 11:11

Spikeycat, hooray! I'm so pleased you were finally able to really tell him those things and it seems to me you have got a good reaction. I do think we have to be very explicit about what we want from our partners (which is easier said that done often) and it does seem to help. Don't make any rash decisions while you are all hormonal and don't push him out if he is really trying to turn over a new leaf - it's in your interests to encourage it. By all means go to your mum's but also let him help you now. I think your dh may have hit the nail on the head about how you seem so competent - ie you refused his offer to sleep on the sofa, you nana! It is hard sometimes to admit to not being supermum and feeling weak. You are clearly pretty much a wonderwoman most of the time, coping with a small toddler, stepkids and the house and your dh may well have assumed that you would take another baby in your stride and that allowed him to act very selfishly. Now he can't claim ignorance again, but you may still need to keep up the straight talking. Good luck.

dinosaur · 18/05/2004 11:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

sonnysmum · 18/05/2004 23:03

have just read that whole subject & now have tears in my eyes! Not sure if you're still gonna br-feed spikeycat, but if you do, the feeding lying down thing really saved me. My fab midwife taught me how & now we just sleep cozied up together with DS feeding (for middle of the night feeds). when I wake wake up I just move him over. Probably the wrong thing to do, but it realoly works for us!!

twogorgeousboys · 18/05/2004 23:21

Spikeycat, I am so pleased you have been listened to.

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