breastfeeding

[Jelly101]

I am currently pregnant with my second child. I formula fed my first and although he is thriving, I can't help but feel a guilty that I didn't breastfeed him.

I remember when I told my HV and Midwife that I was intending to formula feed, they seemed to discourage me from doing so. I explained that id prefer to do so so my partners could help with the baby and so I knew how much feed he was getting.

I don't know why, but I was always scared to breastfeed. I don't like the idea of breastfeeding in public, it makes me nervous. Also, if family members came round, I would have to go into a different room as I wouldn't feed comfortable doing it in front of them, (Ive always been a quite self conscious person) especially DPs family.

I did a one off breastfeed when my DS was first born and it was really painful. For some reason it didn't feel 'natural'.

This time around, I am determined to give breastfeeding a go, as I am aware that 'breast is best'. However I was wondering whether It would look rude if I needed to leave the room whilst visitors are round to feed my baby? I was also wondering how comfortable/convenient expressing milk is?

I really am clueless on this matter so any advice would be appreciated.

Giving birth is "natural" but is also painful! Breastfeeding is a natural thing, but it still needs to be learnt and practised. To begin with it can be a bit uncomfortable, and feel a bit strange, as it's a new thing that you're not used to doing.

Can I recommend reading a good book about breastfeeding, so you know more about what to expect and how it all works? "The womanly art of breastfeeding" is a classic book on this topic. Also have a look at La Leche League's website - they have a whole host of useful info about breastfeeding, plus info about local groups and a helpline. Your midwife should also be able to point you in the direction of local breastfeeding drop in support sessions. The NCT also do groups called "Bumps & babies" where you can go before your baby is born, and talk to other parents about all these things.

With regards to leaving the room, any visitor that objects to you feeding your baby is an idiot. You won't look rude, you'll look like you're caring for your baby. You may also find that you aren't as worried about feeding in front of others once you've had some practice at it. Some people are happy to use a special cover, or use a large muslin as a cover. Another approach is to wear a vest under your top, lift the upper top and push the vest down under your breast and then latch the baby on. Once the baby is latched on, you can't see anything at all. Have a muslin to hand in case the baby de-latches.

I found expressing a faff to be honest, and I wouldn't do it again if I have another. I had to do it with my DS due to issues after the birth, and it was time-consuming and a pain. In terms of comfort, it's as comfortable as directly feeding. But I would never describe it as convenient. My life was soo much simpler when I could just directly feed my DS.

If you do breastfeed, you should be prepared for the fact that you won't know the exact amount of milk your baby is taking. Breastfeeding doesn't work like formula feeding in terms of volume and quantities. When breastfeeding, you just need to look at the number of wet/dirty nappies, plus weight gain.

Culture- Thank you for your reply. I realise it'll take some getting used to and I think it is the unknown that intimidates me a little to be honest. I intend to stick at it (if I'm able to of course) until it's something that just becomes second nature. I'm hoping it will help me to bond with the baby on our own.

Last time especially during the first few weeks, we had so many visitors (some of whom stayed all day a couple of days after I had just given birth) and when my DS was hungry, they fed him on my behalf. This annoyed me a little as during the early days, it was something that I wanted me or my partner to do.

Wow, your visitors last time sound quite inconsiderate. I would perhaps brief your partner to deal with anyone who doesn't listen to you. It's not what you need when you're recovering from the birth and getting breastfeeding established.

You don't have to accept visits, and you can ask people to leave if they're causing you upset. "Now isn't the best time for a visit, we'll let you know when is" is a perfect phrase, and isn't rude.

Bf can be painful. Not for everyone but most of the women I know have had some discomfort, but it's usually fairly short lived and helped a lot with proper help to get a good latch, pain killers and Lansinoh. It didn't really come naturally to me at all-both me and ds had to learn how to do it-it's been easier with dd as I've done it before. Reading up and being prepared will really help- I was completely naive with ds.

Your visitors shouldn't mind at all if you need to go feed your baby. It's not at all rude and if they bat an eyelid they are being rude. With both of mine I've preferred to feed in another room at first but after a few weeks I just fed in the room- I honestly think that some of them didn't even notice! My teenage nephews are the only ones who have been a bit embarrassed but it didn't kill them!

TBH I find expressing a total PITA. I have a reasonably good pump but the bits take ages to clean and put together. I also get a weird feeling when I express- sort of like nausea-but then I'm odd in that respect, most women are fine it's just not as easy as direct feeding.

WRT knowing how much they're getting, although you obviously can't measure it in oz there are lots of ways to check that they're getting enough;are they settled and well, gaining weight, pooing and weeing enough, can you hear swallowing etc- all signs that your baby is feeding well

I thought I'd be bothered about feeding in public, in front of family etc, and I'm really not. Granted the first time I fed in front of my dad it was a bit weird but after a couple of times it just becomes normal.

And nothing says "rite of passage" like having a screaming baby in the food court of a busy shopping centre and having to get your boob out while eating a KFC

Honestly, if you want to give it a go, please do. If it's not right for you then so be it. But if your gut says go for it then I'm sure you will make it work.

One thing I would echo is that it's worth seeking out support networks before your baby is born so that you know where you can get help if you need it. My local groups have been an absolute godsend.