Refusal to latch

[Pigriver]

My Ds is 6 days old and has never latched to the breast despite trying many many times a day. We were in hospital for 4 days tried syringe and cup feeding and then he developed jaundice and needed treatment and we were strong armed into giving expressed breast milk and formula in a bottle. I have been referred to a lacation consultant by midwife but still not heard (told probably hear on Friday). This seems to long to wait and as each day passes I get more and more upset.
Whenever we try he screams and moves away from the breast, putting his hands/arms in the way. He has been checked for tongue tie. During a good session he will tolerate my nipple in his mouth but doesn't suckle just kind of plays around with it. He will then get stressed and cry or fall asleep.
People say it will come with time but the more I think about it the more upset I get. Any ideas?
I have done lots of research and know the theory but just can't make it work. Any practical help offered in the hospital just got me and ds more stressed as they endlessly tried to latch him as he wriggled, screamed and fought it. I can't see more of the same helping. It just feels hopeless.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

I pretty much could have written this. My DS is 9 weeks now and I experienced all of the above except managed to turn the jaundice around before the phototherapy - just!

I wish I had a magical happy ending to share with you, but sadly I don't. But I think it's important to share even though it might not be what you want to hear.

DS is bottle fed 100% expressed milk and has been since birth due to refusal to latch. He was checked for tongue tie early on and was given the all clear. When he was about 5 weeks I noticed he didn't move his tongue like other babies and so took him back in, where low and behold, he was diagnosed with a posterior tie.
We had it cut but he was too used to the bottles and isn't interested in the breast anymore.

My advice would be to get them to check again but for a posterior tie specifically.

And don't beat yourself up. I cried for weeks about my "failure" to breastfeed but sometimes it's just not meant to be.

If you ever want expressing tips sent me a message - I'm a demon at it now!

Good luck.

I had this with dd1. This is what I did:

Feed the baby formula in a bottle. It's not poison and it will buy you some time.
Express as much as you can. Aim for 8 hrs worth in 20 min chunks. Hire a medical grade breast pump from Ardo or similar company. Sometimes local bf support group or hospital can let you have one.
Be naked. Go to bed with the baby and get lots of skin to skin time.
Take baths with the baby.
Wear he baby in a sling.
Watch funny films with the baby and laugh and be happy.

Dd1 wouldn't feed at all until 3 weeks. Then she fed intermittently til 6 weeks. We Stopped topping up at 9 weeks. She's two and still feeding!

Good luck! I hope you get there. Don't let guilt or anything else spoil your time with your beautiful baby. You are doing the best job possible.

Thanks for the input guys. Now have an appointment for feeding support and tongue tie check for Wednesday. Tried nipple shields last night and again this morning to see it they would trick him into sucking and they did to some extent. I think he could feel my nipple more (they are tiny!). This morning was better and he latched (I think) on and off for 15 mins. Not sure if he got anything though...
Expressing loads but just want to get it sorted. In a way the more I think/try the more upset I get but taking a break prompts guilt for not trying harder. Last night was particularly bad but DH was a star and stayed up dealing with a very grizzly baby to let me sleep/relax.

My DS1 was like this - we did lots of expressing, and cup feeding for the first week. I then got him to latch on with nipple shields which we used constantly for the next 3 weeks. These did hinder my supply a bit, so I pumped too, and topped up with tiny amounts of formula via a cup (think 10ml after each feed - just enough to boost intake across a day by 4-5oz to keep weight gain up but not enough to really hinder the amount of feeding DS was doing). I stopped the top ups around week 3/4 once he was gaining at least 3-4 oz per week. Then around week 4-5 I was able to teach him to feed without the shields.

Another very happy ending - it was a tough first 6 weeks but after that we fed until 21 months with no problems.

(And DS2 was COMPLETELY different, fed perfectly from the first minute, and has been a doddle, so don't assume this will happen with any subsequent DC!)