Help me think through stopping breastfeeding

[quesadillas6]

I know it's my decision, but I really need to write down the pros and cons of stopping breastfeeding. Situation - 1 week old twins, feeding problems since the start, also have DS 2.5 at home, who was breastfed until 6 months. Getting to the end of my tether with feeding. They've had some formula already, been desperately trying to establish breastfeeding, now feel like it's sending me towards depression.

Pros of stopping:
When they've had bottles, feeding has taken far less time, so much more time to spend with older DS
Hopefully stop me getting depressed
DH can help with the feeds, particularly overnight
The cluster feeding is killing me - impossible to swap sides with two babies, so boobs are emptying and not refilling quickly enough and nipples are raw
I'll find it easier to get out and about as am very self-conscious
It's twins. Twins are difficult enough

Cons:
I do believe that breastfeeding offers the best start (although am by no means anti-formula or critical of others' decisions not to)
I wanted all my babies to have as close to the same start as possible
Washing and sterilising bottles is a bit of a pain in the bum
All my close friends, and my family, and my in-laws breastfed. I know I shouldn't worry about being judged, but I do.

Anything I may have missed? Anybody else struggle with the decision?

You have my sympathies! With my twins, we mixed feed right from the start. I don't think I could have coped with the pressure of exclusive bf (although many twin mums do! Just not me )

We did bf Twin1, bottle feed Twin2 and swapped at the next feed. DH could then help when he was around. I also expressed so we sometimes bottled fed expressed milk, it just depended on what I could manage to produce on any given day! I mildly regretted not exclusively breastfeeding, but it's not something I personally could maintain, so I didn't dwell on it. We all did the best that we could and my twins are non the worse for having had some formula milk.

You are right, twins are hard work. And you have a toddler to look after too. So don't be harsh on yourself and make yourself feel unnecessarily guilty, do what you want and can manage. Look after yourself

When your getting depressed that's the time to stop - I wish someone had told me that. You have given them a good start, make the choice which is best for your family, no-one else.

I BF for 13 months, the plan was for 6 months, but DS had allergies and it took 7 months to find a medical formula which he could keep down. I felt trapped and guilty as I knew that it is what he needed. Although not acknowledged at the time, my mental health definitely suffered.

My friend had twins and a toddler, a mothers help at bedtime saved her sanity. Maybe something to think about.

If bf is the best start, they've already had the best start.

And don't forget that the health benefits of bf apply across a population and not necessarily to individuals. For individuals, the balance of tailored antibodies and stem cells on the one hand against mother's sanity is more nuanced.

The cluster feeding is killing me - impossible to swap sides with two babies, so boobs are emptying and not refilling quickly enough and nipples are raw

Frankly this is enough for me.

I bf three DC. First two self-weaned, last was cold turkey when my nipples were so badly damaged they couldn't heal. Because Fuck That.

Good luck whatever you decide, and a tremendous WELL DONE for getting this far with the pressures you have had.

Another thing to add to the mix is an extremely pro-breastfeeding husband. I had a bit of an emotional hour in the middle of the night. He told me that if I stopped, and if in years to come one or both of the babies had e.g asthma or hay fever, he'd be thinking it was because I'd given up breastfeeding early, and he couldn't guarantee not bringing it up. I feel very disappointed in him for this view and now even more under pressure.

I was just going to comment along the lines of pp who have said you have given them the best start etc when I read your last post.

I think your husband is being deeply unfair. That unsupportive attitude isn't going to help you its only going to add more pressure. I would be sorely tempted to tell him how much you are struggling and that you feel if your mental health suffers and that impacts on your children you may not be able to help thinking that if he had been more supportive it may not have happened and you can't guarantee not bringing it up!

A bit title for tat maybe but might drive home how awful his comments were.

for you OP you are doing wonderful in a difficult situation, what ever decision you make will be the right one

What the actual fuck? I'm disgusted that he would even consider making that kind of remark to the mother of his newborn twins. He should still be in "this woman is a goddess" mode. Perhaps he needs a nutmeg grater to his nipples to reactivate his empathy mode.

"Can't guarantee he wouldn't bring it up" - asshattery. I certainly wouldn't be guaranteeing not to bring up in future how horribly unsupportive he had been in the dark, painful, hormonal, raw and bleeding early days.

My DH is very pro bf and might have phrased a similar thought as "I really don't want you to make a hasty decision now that you later come to regret." The point being of course that it's between the lactating mother and her infant and other people's opinions are only advisory and not authoritative.

Are you still being seen by the midwives? I would suggest you talk to them about it. DH will know that they have a responsibility to increase bf rates and support/promote bf wherever possible. They may have useful tips or equipment and will certainly provide moral support and hand holding at the right moments.

The link between ff and increased incidence of asthma in already susceptible individuals is rather less proven and less significant than the link between a supportive partner (supportive of you personally, not supportive of bf at all costs) and both reduced incidence of PND and increased levels of bf.

Sorry, your husband is being an idiot and deeply unfair. Yes, BF is good - but it doesn't entirely stop allergies / asthma - I know a lot of kids that were BF for a yr or more and they have allergies, etc.

Given his attitude, (if you can afford it) buy some help in as I think you could do with some support and a person to talk too.

And join a twins group, so you can share experiences and get some support that way too!

If he'd not been supportive I'd probably have given up by now, but there's a fine line between support and pressure, particularly when you're dealing with a hormonal woman. I pointed out that saying what he did wasn't fair and that sometimes keeping quiet with your views would be kinder.

We've got a night nanny starting next week part-time for a month or so. I'm hoping she might be able to assist me in getting towards some sort of routine, if not right now, for later, when a routine might become possible. Feeding both babies on demand is crazy, particularly when they have different demands. Everything I've read suggests that routine is essential with twins, whereas everything was on demand with older DS, so no clue how to go about it.

As for a twins club, there is one locally, so I'm hoping to get out to that when I'm comfortable being out and about. I've not left the house since I left hospital.

Think it's rotten of your dh to put that pressure on you . I don't think even ebf is going to guarantee you eczema and asthma free dc. My df bf her dd until she turned 5, she still has eczema. I'm really pro-bf but agree with all your reasons. Try mix feeding and go from there!

In the glorious distant past.... Women would have lived with wider networks of female support and in the case of twins, babies would have been passed between women to share "wet nurse" assistance. It has never been natural for one women to take on breastfeeding two babies entirely by herself. My best friend had twins and a toddler. We talked about this sort of thing.

Mix feeding may save you.

I did manage to bf my twins but I didn't have a toddler!! Can't see how it's manageable with a toddler h less there is someone to look after them 24/7.

Do you have a feeding pillow? Mine was a lifesaver. I didn't really have a routine other than always feed them at the same time (so if one woke for a feed, the other got woken too) and never let them go more than 3 hours. In reality, it was always more like 2.5 hours between feeds and they were slow feeders.

I EBF for six months, fed until they were 1yo and DTD never had any formula at all and she still has moderately severe excema.

if in years to come one or both of the babies had e.g asthma or hay fever, he'd be thinking it was because I'd given up breastfeeding early, and he couldn't guarantee not bringing it up.

I've read a lot of mn but this is one of the most hurtful things I've ever heard a spouse say to their partner. I know I would remember that for a very long time. He's being a knob.

I have a 21 month old and a 9 week old. Bf has gone really well but we've still introduced f to give me a break and help get her into a bedtime routine. Because some f will make my life easier. And i only have two babies! You're doing the hard yard right now. What do you want to do? What would make your life easier?

To me it sounds like at least mix feeding would help?? Call nct bf helpline and they'll be able to help if you want to maintain some bf(LLL are more about ebf in my experience).

Please don't feel pressured to bf. It's too time consuming to do under duress.

Hi - I breastfed twins, with a 2.5yr old (quite a few years ago now!)

I did a sort of routine - I did this by writing down every feed and then sticking to the pattern they formed. (This was also to stop me losing the plot as to who I had fed when.) Every few weeks, I would let them 'freewheel' and then adjust it to fit. A typical day would go:

6am wake up feed
8am breakfast
10.30am watch Playdays feed
1pm lunch feed
4pm watch Countdown feed
6pm teatime feed
7pm another feed
8pm bedtime feed
10pm my bedtime feed

Night where one twin woke up about twice and the smaller one about 3 times

Back to the start

We used to fit washing and dressing in before Playdays, and used to go to toddlers or visit someone in the afternoon, when they seemed to have a longer break.

In the early days the PIL stayed quite a lot and did things like gardening with my toddler and meals. DH helped with winding and nappies or did the toddler things when he was home and did the laundry and ironing (and cooked frozen pizzas - his cooking was rubbish). At night, he did winding if more than one woke at the same time. He brought me a cup of tea up every morning (and still does 21 years later, bless him).

As for the immunity issues, mine had chicken pox at 4 wks and so did DH. They were ok - it was fairly superficial and one went on to get another dose at 3 yr old. DH was bad but that may have been all the piriton he took. I am not sure if they would have been worse if they had not been bf.
It is only me that gets hayfever!!

I think if your DH wants you to bf, he needs to help a lot instead of pressurising. Also, you need to be fed well .

Also, if your twins are born before term, their sucking reflex will not be as good to start with - it takes a bit longer. This was no something I knew about until I had twins. The sucking reflex is the last to form. Once they get going, they are fine.

The advice on the TAMBA leaflet from my day was - however long you feed them for, whether it is 1 week, 1 month or 1 year, remember that you have given them the best possible start, and that you have not 'failed'.