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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Why is my baby sad at the breast?

18 replies

MissTwister · 19/09/2015 19:13

My 11 week old daughter and I haven't had the easiest of BF times but things were starting to improve after her tongue tie was cut and she stopped feeding so much (it was up to 15 times a day). However the last week or so things seem to be going backwards, she feeds for very short periods and gets frustrated at the breast before stopping and as a consequence I am getting so confused as to when to feed her and tell if she's hungry.

She only feeds for 5-10 minutes max and doesn't come away happy. She feeds then has a fuss, comes on and off multiple times, sometimes cries and eventually we both give up. What makes me really sad is that she never ever has that happy drunk look people talk about.

As she feeds for such a short time if she then cries an hour, two hours after I don't know if she is hungry again or if its something else as I have no idea if she's full. I don't see how she can be after that short a feed but then sometimes she doesn't want to feed for 3 hours and at night goes up to 8 hours without a feed - so maybe she is?

I have a lot of milk and can easily express 6oz in 10 minutes from one breast, in fact I could get lots more but the bottle is full! Could this be a problem? Could she be getting enough in 5 minutes?

When she cries my reaction tends to be to put her on the breast as I'm worried she's not had enough food but then maybe she's not hungry and this is causing her fussing?

In terms of weight she was putting on up to 1lb a week but at the last weigh in this slowed and she had put on only 6oz in 10 days, although over the month it was fine.

Any advice from anyone as I feel a bit lost....

OP posts:

goawayalready · 19/09/2015 19:16

has her tongue tie reattached?

BreeVDKamp · 19/09/2015 19:18

Maybe she's got way more efficient since having her tie cut :) my DS had his cut at 8 weeks then feeds got much shorter (although his weight gain didn't improve so we're now combination feeding not with a view to stopping BF. But sorry I digress).

Not sure why she's a fussy feeder though, maybe she just is. DS is always very fussy and not calm and happy at the breast either. He much prefers a bottle, much easier for him. Also maybe she's getting distracted now she's a bit older and more alert?

Sorry not a very helpful post but I sympathise with how upsetting/frustrating it can be!

BreeVDKamp · 19/09/2015 19:18

*with a view to stopping BF, don't know where that 'not' came from!

Elledouble · 19/09/2015 19:25

My son gets fussy at the breast sometimes. I find shifting position can help - what position do you feed in? I tend to feed him sitting up, but lying down on one side sometimes works, or lying back a bit with him lying on my tummy. Try not to have too many distractions around too, sometimes I think he wants to be looking at things instead!

HisBowtieIsReallyACamera · 19/09/2015 19:31

My DS2 did this when he was younger (11 mths now) - I used to try burping him then putting him back on once the wind had come up. But they can feed pretty efficiently as they get bigger, five or ten minutes could be enough time.

Lilipot15 · 19/09/2015 19:34

I'm no expert but I think I've heard that babies are better at getting milk off than pumps so if you can express 6oz in 10 min then maybe she is getting enough? Blimey, that is an impressive amount.
Do you think she has had a decent growth spurt to stimulate more milk and suddenly it's coming quickly? My DD did this recently, one side in particular has started "spraying" easily (sorry for detail!).
My HV advised me to only get her weighed monthly after 6 weeks - maybe take advice on your own baby's frequency of weighing....if it's all averaged out well over the month that sounds positive.

Do you think you are feeling anxious in general? I've seen you posting a lot about sleep as well. Just worth thinking about that. It won't be helped by sleep deprivation. I speak from experience as finding my second baby a lot less anxiety-provoking than the first - some of this will of course be because we've done it before, but I really feel that a lot is because I am really not trying to do a particular routine and cosleeping (safely) when needed and have realised that babies don't come with rule books and to go with the flow is okay.

NannyOggsHedgehogs · 19/09/2015 19:35

It might be that your letdown is a bit too forceful for her (my 2wo and I are struggling with this at the moment, sounds like similar behaviour) could you express off a bit before she feeds?

deriT · 19/09/2015 19:35

It smight sound silly, but have you tried a day in bed with her just topless and next to you, feeding whenever she likes? I found it helped to establish what kind of feed was really wanted after such a long time doing not much else.

Original poster

MissTwister · 19/09/2015 19:44

Thanks all for quick responses

Tongue tie has not reattached as had that checked.

She's never been a marathon feeder so perhaps is just even more efficient now. I just keep seeing other women feeding for 20 minutes at a time and thinking she can't be getting enough!

NannyOggsHedgehogs I don't think it's a letdown issue as this was a problem when she had a tongue tie this was a problem and she choked a lot which she doesn't do anymore. Plus the fussiness seems to be after 5-10 minutes not at beginning - she starts off calm.

Lillipot - I guess I do keep reading too much and then worrying things aren't conforming to how they 'should be.' My husband keeps telling me that! I still feel a bit sad though they she doesn't seem to be having the lovely time at the breast that she could be.

OP posts:

Lilipot15 · 19/09/2015 19:51

Is there a health visitor / someone at your children's centre who could watch a feed?

It may be slightly earlier than for some, but I wonder if she is getting a nice quick feed then wanting to look around. My 13 week old is doing this - pops off every so often to grin at me/crane her head to have a nosy.

Also, look at The Wonder Weeks - I think there is one around 12 weeks so this may be the start of her fussy period. This is one of the few books I recommend to new mums.

It sounds like you're doing a great job by the way to have persevered with breast feeding.

Elledouble · 19/09/2015 22:33

Yes, if you've got a local breastfeeding group then do go and use it - ours was an absolute godsend for me.

fluffikins · 21/09/2015 13:39

I wonder too if you have over supply and an overactive letdown? You might want to try block feeding and using a muslin to catch your letdown and then relatching so she doesn't get the full force

Bue · 23/09/2015 14:01

MissTwister I'm in virtually the same situation with my 8 week old DD. She used to feed nicely and get the milk drunk look, now she fights at the breast, goes on and off and gets upset, and feeds for only a short amount of time (I can also express a lot and she is gaining weight so I'm not too worried about that aspect). I try to put her back on because I have no idea if she's finished and she starts to cry and panic and looks absolutely terrified! Sometimes she'll settle after a feed and sometimes she'll continue to cry. I really don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know you're not alone! We have had a paed referral for reflux (does your daughter have any signs of this?) and I wonder if it is all connected to that.

Belleende · 25/09/2015 22:21

I went to our local bf clinic for the identical reason. My lo is 12 weeks. Fed like a pro from the off. However periodically she becomes a demon on the boob. She thrashes around. Seems to be desperate for boob, but cries and comes off when latched. It can be quite distressing as she can scream full pelt.
I suspected fast let down, but the advice was it was a common behaviour during growth/developmental spurts.
I find that trying to feed her before she is absolutely ready makes her freak out, even if she latches at first. I need to completely settle her and get her to have a quick nap before trying again which usually sorts her out.
Also sometimes it is just wind and a quick mid feed Burp works.

shiteforbrains · 25/09/2015 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarvinKMooney · 25/09/2015 22:28

Goodness - this brings back memories! I too could express a bottle -full. My dd used to fuss as well and I remember posting on here at the time. I had very forceful let down and dd obviously didn't like it. I started expressing a little at the beginning and then latching her on. After a few weeks and as she got bigger, everything settled down.

(Dd is 3 now by the way - ah the memories! )

daisydalrymple · 25/09/2015 22:37

Is she like this after every feed? I'm just wondering specifically how she feeds after, say, a long nap, or if she has done an 8 hr stretch at night? Is she the same then, or does she seem more satisfied?

Dc3 only takes 5 mins or so to feed (but he is now 11 mo), but has been like this from the 3 month mark I guess. (Apart from the prolonged bedtime feed, but even then I know he's not taking much after 5 mins, it's more a comfort thing then...)

luckiestgirlintheworld · 25/09/2015 22:43

Both my DS's have only ever fed for 5 minutes at a time. She's fussing because she's full. If she's putting on weight then you're doing fine- don't fight it. She just only wants 5 minutes worth every hour or two. Nothing wrong with that.

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