How do I stop breastfeeding?

[dazedandconfused]

My ds is nearly one, and I have cut down his feeds to only 2 per day: bedtime and usually one during the night. He has consistently refused a bottle, although he will drink water from an Avent spout. I am struggling to get him off the feed during the night-last night I let him cry for about 20 minutes and then gave in as I felt too miserable listening to him. However, when dh or myself go in and try just cuddling him, he thrashes around like mad and nothing will calm him down apart from me feeding him. Can anyone offer any tips on what to do? Do I just have to bite the bullet and leave him to cry?

Any help much appreciated...

Dazed, do you have to stop now and completely? If there's not a deadline, it might be easier to drop the bedtime one and leave the through the night one for a little later.

You can drop the bedtime one by changing your routine - dad can give bath and story and cuddle, while you hover in the background doing something else, not sitting down. He may then settle ok.

Or, if this is a step too far at the moment, you can continue with the bed time feed but not feed him to sleep, so he learns he can drop off without a feed.

When the time feels right to stop bf in the night, you have to be sure of what you are doing....it isn't fair on anyone to sometimes feed him and sometimes not, depending on how long and hard he yells!!

20 mins is a long time to cry.....if you can't stand it, you don't have to! think about leaving stopping entirely for another month or two.

Thanks, Tiktok-this is good advice. To tell you the truth, I do feel quite sad about stopping bf-but feel as though I ought to because he's getting so big. I think I will try the new bedtime routine and leave the night-time situation for later. Do babies just stop waking of their own accord, in your experience, or is it a case of refusing to feed and giving lots of cuddles instead? You're right about the confused messages of feeding/not feeding-I just don't know how else to do it. It would be brilliant if he just stopped of his own accord, but I don't know if I want to go on for months...

Babies do sometimes stop waking - in fact, what you mean is, do they stop waking and needing a feed to go back to sleep again (as all babies wake, just as all adults do, but they can get themselves back to sleep quickly and efficiently without waking properly)? Other babies, however, don't learn this spontaneously. I don't think there is any way of knowing which babies will do which!!

A year is not 'big' for breastfeeding, by the way. Loads of mothers do it this long and a lot longer, too.

d&c, dd2 is just a year old and still waking up for feeds at night. she only has one tooth and I think she's teething, though it's hard to say what's waking her up (sometimes once, sometimes 3 time a night). dh tried a bit of controlled crying with her a while back and she did settle quite well, but the colds, teeth set you back a bit and we may be heading that way again as I'm finding it hard again to concentrate at work when i have been woken so much at night. sometimes dh does the bedtime milk, cuddling to get her to sleep and it only works when I am not there. I sometimes manage to get dd off to sleep at night by putting her onto her tummy (she tries to stand up, and she's in a sleeping bag) and rubbing her back quite vigorously. we also started using a dummy (but maybe that's another one you don't want to get started on ) and that does help to pacify her sometimes. hth

I sent my dh in when I wanted to first space out night feeds and then give them up. If I went in a/he would want me to feed him and b/it was tempting to do it just to get back to bed
We also took it in turns generally to get up - so we had at least one half decent stretch of sleep or even a whole night's sleep every other day. If you decide to continue milk at night could you try that with dh giving a bottle on alternate nights?
If you can stretch the time you might be able to shift the feed to the morning. It sounds a tough one though and I sympathise.

dazedandconfused - stopping breastfeeding is a really personal decision. I'm still breastfeeding my dd (21 months) twice a day. I've found the feeds are much shorter than they used to be and sometimes she's not interested at all and bounces off to go and play. Other times she's more interested and asks for "booby" I think she'll probably gradually stop of her own accord. Or I may slowly wind up the feeds as I'd like another baby soon and don't think I could do tandem feeding.

I am aware that with a baby over the age of one other people's attitudes to breastfeeding change. All my NCT group who breastfed till 6-9 months are horrified that I'm still feeding. But I know in my heart that what I'm doing is perfectly natural, and I have the support of my partner.

As long as you're happy and the baby is happy there's no problem. I would say that if you're getting fed up with feeding then that's fine too. I personally didn't want the nighttime feed to be essential to put my dd to sleep, so some time ago I started feeding her downstairs and then did the whole bedtime routine with bedtime story etc. separately from the feed.

Just remember it's all about you and your child being happy.

Good luck

dazedandconfused - hope it is not too late to add a message. I breastfed DS until he was 28 months, although in the last 6 months he was only having a bedtime feed/nuzzle. I think he must have stopped his night time feed around 12 months. When he woke up I would only offer him water and he never complained.

I stopped a few weeks ago, when DD was just over 12 months - they were just comfort feeds at night and first thing as she was getting formula in a cup while I was at work. But still, I wasn't sure how to cut them out or when would be a good time. Then she got a cold with what was probably a sore throat and just refused to feed, so the decision wasn't mine to make anyway.