DS 15wks - bf'ing on demand vs. SLEEP!

[TillyLewis]

Hi folks,
Would really appreciate some help...
I've been demand feeding (bf) our 15 wk old boy since birth, co-sleeping, lots of contact (slings, massage etc.).
In the last couple of weeks he has gone from waking at 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5am (manageable) to waking 8-10 times a night (definitely not manageable and not sure of times due to sleep deprivation!). I'm pretty sure this is mostly comfort feeding - he will suck for a minute or two and then drop off.
HV is advising going cold turkey on comfort feeding, and friends have suggested the same, with a view to having him sleep through. I'm feeling this is a bit harsh, but still want to wake in the mornings feeling like I've had at least some decent sleep! I want him to feel I'm there for him, but not for him to be dependent on me for sleep.
Any suggestions, or is it too soon to be expecting him to start sleeping through a bit more? DH is supportive, so joint operations possible!
Many thanks,
Tilly

Personally, I kept with the night feeds (and crap sleep) until dc were 6 months and then gave them a drink of water in a cup when they woke. This didn't always work but helped us on our way towards sleeping through.

I also did co-sleeping, slings etc. and, despite being warned about comfort feeding etc. and 'making a rod for my own back' I now have a 3 year old and 4 year old who happily trot off to bed in an evening.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, do what you can live with. So what if it's comfort feeding occasionally? It won't last forever...but I do sympathise greatly with the lack sleep. With ds (second child), I found chanting 'it's only a phase' to be of great benefit...

Good luck .

My dd was just like this, it won't last, it is just a phase. TBH I would ignore all advice and do what feels right. Going cold turkey will be hard on your son - he is very young still. Good luck with it all and try and catch up on sleep in the day if you can.

Mine was the same and it's bloody hard work! Surely it doesn't have to be a choice between feeding and abandonment though? You could try just patting and shushing him back to sleep in his cot or the pick up put down thing if he's old enough.

I agree with the others, it will be just a phase, and going cold turkey would be upsetting for your ds (and you!). I would carry on co-sleeping and feeding on demand. There's no harm in trying to settle him without feeding but it rarely worked for me. I think you tend to know within a minute or two if they're going to go back to sleep easily. But tbh, I just did not have the energy for spending ages in the middle of the night trying to settle my ds - so much easier to stay in bed, let him have a quick feed and then you both fall back to sleep.

What I could never get about people telling me my ds was 'only' feeding for comfort in the night was:

a. How can you really tell whether he needs comfort/ food/ a bit of both? and

b. What's wrong with a bit of comfort in the night anyway?

I know how much you want to get a good night's sleep - believe me, but it will come. He may not 'sleep through' for a while, but you will probably reach a stage where the night wakings are so few and uneventful that you won't feel disturbed by them any more. And in the meantime, there are ways to cope with the broken nights you are having - nap together during the day, go to bed really early a couple of nights a week, try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get loads done during the day.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things to make your ds feel secure and happy so don't listen to people who tell you to sleep train! Hope you get some better nights soon

Now mine are 3 and 4, I sometimes wish for the good old days (!) when I could feed them back to sleep...

(sorry Tilly, no help to you at all, I know )

Thank you! It's good to be reminded that it is only a phase and to know that there are others out there who have made it through and are still functioning! We're back down to 4 awakenings a night again - its amazing what you think of as a 'good' night after a while!! I think the recent additional disturbance has been due to him starting teething, of which I am convinced despite HV saying he is too young. Have any of you any experience of using amber necklaces to calm and soothe teething infants? Or of Elizabeth Pantley's "The No-Cry Sleep Solution"? We are eagerly awaiting an amazon delivery of the latter, will try and post again if it works!

Thanks again!

15 weeks too young for teething?! Well, I must have dremat my dd getting a tooth at 16 weeks then...!