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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

How to cope with demand feeding

26 replies

MissTwister · 22/08/2015 19:28

Having been a carefree late 30's lady I'm finding it hard to cope with the constant demands of BF.

I'm finding being constantly tied to my daughter really hard. As much as I love being with her I just long to have a bit of alone time - for instance earlier I was just going to pop to Sainsbury's, a ten minute walk away, for a bit of time to clear my head (after a dreadful 3 hour sleep night), when she suddenly wanted to feed despite having done so 45 minutes earlier. My partner went instead and I was so jealous. I just felt so frustrated that something that would have been so simple 7 weeks ago was now out of reach!

I'm also finding the unpredictability of feeding times hard. I try and feed her before going out on journeys but there's no pattern and I often find myself dealing with absolute meltdown screaming in places where I simply can't feed her like the middle of the street. There doesn't seem to be any warning and it makes me so anxious!

Does this get easier - any tips?

Ps I do express some and my partner uses this for a night feed so I can sleep so don't think I should be expressing anymore for the day should i?

OP posts:
MrsAukerman · 22/08/2015 19:57

It gets a lot easier really soon. Hang in there. Keep expressing and using dh to get some sleep overnight and maybe try to build up a small freezer stash so you can leave the house in the day.

Sparrowlegs248 · 22/08/2015 20:15

Me too miss really struggling today. DS has not slept or wanted to be put down since about 3pm. And that wa when he went in his basket, awake, for the 10minutes it took me to bath. Feeling very tearful today.

Just wanted to wash up and change the bed. Cook a quick dinner. I've done none of it.

Original poster
MissTwister · 22/08/2015 20:23

I feel your pain. Cried about 4 times today. Especially when I saw the next door neighbour relaxing in the garden with a beer and a book....

OP posts:
NoParking · 22/08/2015 20:24

My only solution was a sling - she would go ages without a feed if she was in the sling and I (or DH) kept walking. It's still hard, but not as bad...

museumum · 22/08/2015 20:28

Tbh although I would say I did generally feed on demand, I also went out without ds right after a feed regularly. He was always fine with dh for an hour or so after a feed even though if he'd been with me he might have rooted for more.
So long as your dd is feeding and gaining weight well I'd try leaving her for a brief walk or shop most days your dh is home. It'll do you the world of good.

Original poster
MissTwister · 22/08/2015 20:44

Thanks both

Museumum - if she does want feeding though she screams and screams and doesn't stop! That's what worries me

OP posts:
dragonflyinthelillies · 22/08/2015 20:50

It really really does get easier soon and suddenly bf all becomes so worth it.

My DS is 6 months and those times seem all a distant memory now. He is a huge milk guzzler too and I have never manged to get him to take a bottle.

Seriously just hold on in your doing ace

Sparrowlegs248 · 22/08/2015 21:17

I have used a sling and carrier but he wouldn't settle in the sling today at all. Really got extremely upset.

He's fallen asleep on my lap. I haven't eaten but don't want to move him. I can't imagine what tonight Will be like if it carries on.

jaggythistle · 23/08/2015 07:48

Notalotta if you can get him in the sling after a feed and walk round the house for a bit it might help. When DD was having an unsettled week I'd sometimes have to walk and/or sway for a bit, but once she was settled I'd have my hands free at least while she napped in there.

She's 2.5 months old now and I already feel things are getting a bit more manageable. She will sometimes sit in bouncy chair or play gym thing for a bit if I need to get lunch for my older two, for example. She still feeds a lot, but is having a bit more awake and alert time with some smiles, which always helps.

Misstwister I find taking DD out in the sling quite peaceful if she just sleeps. So even if you don't get out on your own, you can just walk/shop quietly.

Fingers crossed things feel a bit less relentless for you all soon. :)

Sparrowlegs248 · 23/08/2015 10:19

Thanks jaggy I tried probably 3 times yesterday but it was just awful, he just started rooting as soon as i put him in, having cried while i put the sling on, and then worked himself into a frenzy. I have fed in the sling before but he wouldntt even settle to that.

Hope for a yesterday today. He slept on my lap for a couple of hour, woke whenever i put him in the basket and has just slept next to me for a bit. Shatterd!

superbfairywren · 23/08/2015 10:31

How old is he? For the first 6 weeks It was tricky to get out but after that although I mostly fed on demand I tried to stretch the feeds out a bit. My dd only usually wanted food every 3hours luckily but after she hit 3 months it went to 2 hourly all day(but she slept through the night for a while so I didn't mind so much). The amount they feed and sleep changes constantly when they're little. My dd slept on me and only on me/in pram during the day from about 2 weeks until 4/5months then suddenly slept brilliantly in the cot and still does.
I didn't go out anywhere without dd until about 8 weeks in and then it was only for an hour. I have now been out more but I could still count the occasions on two hands(she's 9 months). Breastfeeding is a hard slog! If you just need fresh air, get out with your ds in the sling/pram as much as you can, most babies sleep really well when you're moving and you can have a bit of peace and some exercise. Good luck!

superbfairywren · 23/08/2015 10:32

Sorry OP, I meant your Dd!! Brain isn't in gear today!

Original poster
MissTwister · 23/08/2015 11:16

Thanks all for your encouragement

Superbfairywren she will be 7 weeks tomorrow but she was 3.5 weeks premature so never know what to count her as in terms of development - have had differing opinions! She's not smiling yet or talking but is getting more alert.

Nottalotta - we have a Sleepyhead and whilst certainly not a cure all by any means she does sleep better in it than in a basket by far as she feels more secure.

OP posts:
Fluffy24 · 23/08/2015 11:46

Try to keep in mind that whilst it feels like forever in a few months time you'll look back and think it wasn't really for that long. I remember feeling the same and being desperate to just go out on my own for even just half an hour.

Sparrowlegs248 · 23/08/2015 12:49

I'm not too worried about going out without DS, but would like to be able to put him down for an hour. He is only 4 weeks though. I just struggle with not even being able to wash up.

Inkymess · 23/08/2015 12:54

Hang in there ladies! It won't last for long and suddenly you will get 2-3 hours peace between feeds and some sleep at night!!

Inkymess · 23/08/2015 12:57

Express as much astounding like as milk never runs out. Make sure each feed is a full one and not just a quick drink. I also think the most successful BF mums are those that wear cardigans and can feed discretely anywhere at anytime. I certainly did it sat on shopping centre benches, park benches, in shop cafes etc with no one noticing

Inkymess · 23/08/2015 12:59

That should say as much as you like. Make sure they are winded properly too - both mine were very gasy feeders

fruitpastille · 23/08/2015 12:59

I always tried to stretch feeds to 3 hourly (except cluster feeds in the evening) partly to save my poor nipples! I used a dummy with 2 of mine which was a godsend (still is at 18months tbh). Often it was comfort sucking rather than hunger. Also walked in buggy/rocked/gave to someone else to hold -anything to keep them going a bit longer! I had lots of milk and chubby, full term babies though.

BertieBotts · 23/08/2015 13:18

Have you heard of the Fourth Trimester? It's a theory which says that babies aren't really ready to be born at 9 months but because we have such big heads they have to be. It means that you think of the first three months as a sort of "extended pregnancy" - baby always with you and needing a lot of contact and reassurance. Some people find it helpful to think in these terms as it gives you both a timescale and a bit of a reason.

Original poster
MissTwister · 23/08/2015 13:36

Inkymess I wish I was one of those mums but with very large breasts discrete BF is but a dream. I need a pillow and everything...

OP posts:
Inkymess · 23/08/2015 19:18

I can see that would be more tricky. I I agree with the 4th trimester timescale. Things quickly improve massively once they are a bit older. A lot of people I knew did express quite a lot to make life easier or mixed fed. At least then someone alas can feed and you can get a break

superbfairywren · 24/08/2015 07:30

With an early baby it might be a good idea not to think in weeks, and just expect the first few months to be a bit of a catch up for her. The fourth trimester theory is quite accurate really, after the first 3 months it was a lot easier to settle and put my dd down for periods so I could get stuff done.

I have large boobs I guess(G/H) but have managed to breastfeed everywhere too, you get better at being discrete and as the baby feeds more efficiently as they get older it doesn't take as long. I wear stretchy vests from h and m (when it was cooler I wore looser tops over the top) and I have quite a few proper breastfeeding tops and dresses to wear when I'm out(especially helpful in the early days as more discreet). I know some people are self conscious about feeding out and about but I just got on with it and soon forgot about anyone else seeing anything, it's such a natural thing to do and it means you can go about your day as you want to, not being restricted to going somewhere private(or Being stuck at home!) Every time the baby wants milk! I have fed my dd in a church, on a safari truck, in pubs, restaurants, car parks, park benches, everywhere! Good luck with it and it gets so much easier each week as she grows!

squizita · 25/08/2015 19:11

I have big boobs and a wiggly baby who fed every 2 hr till she started solids.

Cushion in bottom of pram and a large nursing apron (not very PC I know but my boobs my business) and within a few weeks I was feeding in cafés and pubs and shopping centres like a boss. Started at all lady mum n baby groups, then mum heavy coffee shops, then anywhere.

Don't worry you'll get there. Thanks Brew Wine

Original poster
MissTwister · 25/08/2015 19:35

Thanks all - have had some success feeding in John Lewis cafe and then at a baby group today.

And Squizita I bought a mini cushion too!

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