Thinking about stopping breastfeeding 22 month old

[Mailand]

DD is 22 months and bf very frequently when we are together (every couple of hours plus whenever she is tired or upset) although she doesn't have any problems when I am not around either when I am at work or when I have had the odd night away from her.

Recently I have started to feel a bit fed up with bf. It can feel like she only wants to see me to have milk and her demands for it can be quite agitated if I try to distract her or refuse. When she is feeding she tries to find my other nipple with her hand and this goes right through me. I am also really tired as she wakes in the night and will not be comforted by her dad and so I am up several times a night.

I have mixed emotions about me making the choice for us to stop. I had hoped she would self wean but that doesn't look like it is going to happen. I struggled with bf DC 1 and ended up mixed feeding so I am really proud of how long DD have continued and it seems a bit wrong to choose to stop when I had battled so hard to try to get feeding established first time round.

DH more goes along with my decision to bf than actively support it and is frustrated that he can't give DD a bottle like he did with DC 1. A friend recently made a few comments along the lines of "you can't be her dummy" and "you have to stop soon or before you know it she will be 5 and still bf". So, I don't feel very supported if I don't stop. In fact, I don't feel that I can have a moan about any of the negative impacts of bf to DH or my friend as their response would be that I should have stopped already.

If I do decide to stop, I have no idea how I will be able to do it as she is so insistent about being with me and feeding.

Apologies for the rambling post and thanks for making it this far. All thoughts / advice would be welcome

I think your first step should be to set up some boundaries. She doesn't need to feed several times a day and through the night, most 22 month olds only have milk in the morning and at bedtime, whether that's breast, bottle or cup. If you start by saying bf is only at bedtime and getting up, it will be more manageable.

www.askdrsears.com/topics/feeding-eating/breastfeeding/faqs/weaning Is useful.

Definitely no need for an almost 2 year old to be waking in the night for milk. She should be physically capable of going 12 hours without fluids so that would be the first thing to stop. Since she feeds so often then you will have to stop gradually anyway so night feeds would be the first to go if I were you. You must be exhausted! I'm exhausted from my 9 month old waking to feed even and that's only once or maybe twice a night at the most by now. No way I could stick this sleep deprivation for 2 years!

Do you co-sleep? Does she help herself in the night or is it that you get up and go to her?

I'm currently weaning a 21mo. If you'd like to chat about it then do please pm me. Or you could AS me and read my threads (one a few months ago, one this week).

Just a note - she doesn't need milk at night. In summer, many people - including adults - need fluids ie water and waking thirsty is normal.

Yes squizita but the OP says her child is up 'several times a night' and it sounds like it has been that way since she was born so waking up thirsty because it's summer is unlikely to be the reason. Even if it were, by 2 a child can have water in her room and drink from it as needed. We live in a hot climate and my DS has had water in his room since he was about 2, in a half-filled drinking bottle for the 2+ age, the kind that has a straw in it.

Much more plausible to me that the child is waking for comfort because she has never learned to settle herself back to sleep after shifting from deep sleep into lighter sleep.

Yes exactly - the child can have a cup of water!
But "fluids" suggests over 2s don't drink anything at night and I have run into HV and fellow NCT team members who think adults don't drink water at night ever and advise accordingly so me mentioning it isn't as obvious as it might seem to everyone!

Thanks for all the responses. I agree that she doesn't need milk at night, she is also fine drinking milk from a cup and does so happily when she is at nursery or I am away from home. Whenever I have been away over night she has been fine with DH and hasn't even needed a drink. She just likes bf and if she knows I am in the house, day or night, that is what she wants and is very determined to get it. Yes I co sleep with her after she first wakes but she doesn't help herself as I never got the hang of feeding lying down so when she wakes I sit in bed and feed her. Her sleep is much better than it used to be and she usually goes until 2 or 3 am but then wakes a couple more times before morning. If I feed her then she settles quite quickly, if I co not there DH can shush her back to sleep quite quickly but if she knows I am in the house she pushes away from him and screams for me until I feed her.

Thank you for that link JellyMould , it is very useful. I will have a look at your threads MrsHathaway

I have just read both of your threads MrsHathaway , our toddlers sound like they have very similar temperaments. Thankfully we have only ever had a couple of weeks of biting /chewing while teething which I managed to get through with feeding in different positions and lots of (my) gritted teeth. I too have an idealogical target in my head of 24 months.

I think several posters on your threads made some good points - when a toddler doesn't choose to self wean it is not at all easy to "just" wean them and that continuing to feed them can be the easier option if you are fed up with bf. In my experience, it is also very true that if you have a whinge about feeding a new baby you get lots of supportive comments but that is not the case when feeding a toddler and IRL most people I know would say "just wean them".

On reflection, I don't think I am ready to stop just yet, but DH has started doing bedtimes so I am not feeding her to sleep (she goes to sleep quicker for him too) and I am going away with some friends for the weekend soon so she will have 2 days without feeds (not the first time I have done this and she was fine before).

So I think that perhaps this is the start of the end but that it will be a slow process.

I'm glad you're feeling able to think about things calmly - IME it's been such an emotional process (particularly since he's definitely a last baby) that it's hard to make rational decisions.

Fwiw I've had no discomfort (one tingly day about 48h in) and although the transition has been challenging because our routines have had to change, actually it's been ok. I hope things go as smoothly for you when you get to the stage of cutting out that last feed

Ds2 turned 2 a week ago tomorrow. He still breastfed many times a day and at least twice in the night. I also felt he just wanted me for my boobs! He was fine without it when I wasn't around but just constantly wanted it when I was, 95% of the time! The day after he turned 2, we spent 2 nights apart and when he came back to me I said he was a big boy now and boobie was all gone. The first night was so hard and he was so sad but I stood strong and felt the time was right for us to do it. Since then, he's accepted booby has gone the few times he's tried, falls asleep on his own which he has never done, and sleeps through, also never done. We're nearly on a week and it's been so much easier than I ever imagined. He was so dependant on me and threw such a paddy if I ever dared to refuse to give him it! I am so so proud of him for coping so well, and so pleased it was nowhere near as heartbreaking as I've always imagined.

Hi there, not quite at your stage (16month old boob obsessed DD), but I am attempting to night wean and cut down somewhat so following closely. I agree that people don't get that it's not that easy just to stop. Good luck!