Does anyone else feel like this??

[Smileysar1]

I have been bfing ds2 now for over 2 weeks I've been expressing 1 bottle a day for my husband/ds1 to be able to feed too.
Bf has been a breeze this time around. Ds1 wouldn't feed from me and I combination fed him either pumped breast milk or formula. This time ds2 latches perfectly and feeds for 10-20 mins every 3-4 hrs day and night. He's gaining weight beautifully.
The thing is Im not enjoying bf at all. I heard from my friends how wonderful it is and felt like I missed out first time around. This time it's going perfectly it doesn't hurt but I truely dislike it.
My boobs are enormous, I feel like a milk machine. I'm embarrassed to feed in front of people as getting my h/j cup breast out isn't easily done discreetly. I don't feel any differently bf ds2 compared to bottle feeding ds1. I worry my husband isn't bonding with him as well as ds1 as he cant do as much, I'm worrying I'll only ever be the one to calm/soothe him when he's crying/screaming.
There I've finally said it. I know and firmly believe in how good breast milk is for my baby and continuing for this reason but am I the only person in the world to feel like this? I feel so guilty!! My aim is to ebf for 3 months but the way I feel I'm not sure I can.

I could have written this post!!my DD1 sounds very similar to yours...wouldn't BF after 4 weeks or so so I expressed and used a bottle until 5 months! This time I really really wanted to BF and did until 6 weeks when DD2 rejected the breast...I express again but my supply has dropped massively this week so I think I may have to give up now (just about to post about that) but I didn't really enjoy it much. I also have massive boobs and felt uncomfortable. DD2 is / was a fussy feeder latching on and off instantly and it all just felt kind of stressful. I think perhaps I just prefer bottle feeding! This time around I am much less worried by it tbh. Just do what you can so you're happy is my advice. If you can stick the BF a bit to get the supply up then you can always express / combi feed later if necessary. Saying that my supply has reduced a lot now (10wk) despite expressing 5x per day still. But I think it's due to period returning

I think I feel so guilty about it because it's not difficult and he's thriving. After bottle feeding ds1 and feeling like a failure with bfing I told my dh this time around if it didn't work it didn't matter. Ds1 is perfectly happy and healthy I can see that and he only had 4 weeks of breast milk before my supply finished from solely expressing. But the thing is it is working. I can't believe I feel like this I thought it would be a beautiful experience and the bond I would develop with the baby would be amazing but it's not like that at all for me. The bond I have feels no different to ds1 I fell in love with them both instantly...
I'm glad I'm not alone, thankyou!

I had sort of the same exp but only have 1 child - BF went really quite well considering some of the horror stories but I didn't particularly enjoy it. It never felt easy, she was refluxy, there'd be milk stains everywhere, limited bra / clothes selection etc etc.

What I will say is that after 3 months, it became 1000 times easier. We'd both got the hang of it, the whole process was slicker, she started spacing out her feeds and I was more relaxed / no longer cared about feeding in public.

That being said, a HV happened to say yesterday that 'people either love BF or hate it; you obviously love it.' (Been BF now for 7 months). Er, no. I do it because it's what I've been told is best, baby loves it, it's a handy tool for comforting when nothing else works, I've been fortunate to have a good supply which would seem wasteful not to use and yes, now, it seems much easier than the faff of prepping bottles etc. But all those reasons don't add up to loving it! I think you have to weigh up pros and cons of how each makes you feel and go from there - seeing my antenatal group, most of whom went to formula pretty quickly, I can't see any difference in either health or strength of relationship between them and us

I am continuing for the same reasons as you summer, but don't love it and just wanted to be reassured that it's not just me who feels this way.
I'm no quitter if this starts to get me down I'll introduce formula tbh I know that's no bad thing I just have the whole mummy guilt and needed a little reassurance. Thank you x

Have some reassurance - I'm a successful BFer who isn't filled with a warm maternal glow whenever I nurse my child I do feel proud I've been able to though, and you should too, because physically and psychologically I don't think it's easy in the beginning.

Breastfed for a year. I didn't hate it. But didn't find it magical. My attitude was: it's food/drink Here, have some. I was v practical about it. It got much easier as the feeds got shorter. By 4 months I think he could drain a breast in 10-12 mins. So I could do those things I felt were more bonding, like playing with him, interacting, singing songs. The feeding bit was purely functional. And in terms of the soothing thing I thought of it as pure convenience more than anything rather than a burden. The reality is that most kids do anyway tend to revert to their mothers when upset. I just had a 'hmm I have these two magic wands I can deploy then' rather than a 'oh this is unique bonding experience' attitude. Finally I never fed out of the house. Always used a bottle. That meant that he was used to one right from the start. I wasn't ashamed (I have big boobs too), but just something I did. As I said as the feeds got shorter and quicker so timing it to suit our daily activities also got easier.

On the husband bonding issue, try giving your DH all the work that's not BF when he's available to do it - all nappies, baths etc. and hand him over to be settled for a nap, so he learns how to settle in lots of different ways.

That's what we've done with both our BF children, and they have strong bonds with both of us.

I think in some ways it's like eating five a day, or brushing our teeth. Most of us don't love it, or find it a breeze. We do it because it's healthy, and we may feel better for it, otherwise cake all the way.

Same with breastfeeding. It's optimum nutrition for our children, even if it's not always actively enjoyable. I think expecting all women to love it is setting them up for a fall (and I'm a breastfeeding counsellor, so totally pro-boob!). Later it gets to be more convenient and easier, so it's advantages become more apparent, but in the meantime, it's like nappy changing - dull but necessary!

Which is not to say there weren't times I loved it by the way, but just not immediately and always.

I'm only on ds 1. The first 6 weeks I hated it. I felt like a cow and joked with dh that he wouldn't have to mow the lawn anymore. I told myself get to 12 weeks and we'll move to formula...

We are now 5 months and still going. I don't hate it as much, but I really don't love it.. It just became easier. Ds drinks faster so there's more time for the other stuff like playing, and cuddles.
Dh works long shifts so often misses bedtime, but the bond between ds n dh is amazing. Ds lights up when dh looks at him its very cute and he will settle for him if I needed a rest
I also have massive boobs, as I've practiced feeding, I've got more discrete its all practice and confidence.

I am so grateful for all of your responses! It has made me feel so much better thank you mummies just what I needed x

Are you me smiley?! My DD is 8 weeks old and I am exclusively feeding her. I actively dislike it I think, but I feel that because it's working fine (no pain, good weight gain etc) I can't justify stopping when it's so good for her. I don't get any kind of warm fuzzy feeling and I really dislike stinking of sour milk, feeding in public and being constantly at my DDs beck and call. I never seem to have a minute where I'm not worrying that she's going to scream for food and I'll have to feed her. I then feel like an awful mum for feeling like that as everyone goes on about how wonderful it is (except for it you have pain which I dont) and my reasons for disliking it are pretty selfish...

I know pocket sized! I know it is what is best for him so that's why I'm continuing and will do so for as long as it suits us all. I was hoping it would give me the same amount of fulfilment that my friends have spoken about but it hasn't and I don't expect it will. I'm just so glad it's not just me!!

Hello Smiley, speaking as someone who is currently experiencing the joys of the twelve-week growth spurt marathon feeds I can certainly empathise!
I completely agree with pp that we're doing women a massive disservice if we're all expected to love it - sometimes it is calming and lovely, sometimes it's painful and challenging (especially when they get old enough to get distracted by everything in the room!) and sometimes it's just okay. (Oh, and a glass of wine after nine months of sobriety and an underwired bra would be nice!).
Don't be hard on yourself - however you choose to proceed you clearly adore your dc and are doing the best for them. A ff friend said to me the other day that I must feel really bonded with dd because I bf - having seen us both with our lovely dds I really don't think there's a difference.x

I don't enjoy breastfeeding either. I see it as something I've got to do, but it's certainly not a magical experience.

Baby 1 was a sod to feed but I made it to six months with her. And I was quite pleased when she self weaned at eight months (although also felt guilty that I was failing her since 'breast is best' yaddy yaddy yah...).

Baby 2 feeds like a dream and my intention is to make it to six months again.

It does get a bit less tedious after about three months, dads do still bond well with them and they don't rely on boob as a source of comfort forever (although it is handy when they do).

I've been going for over 12 months now. I don't love it, but DS does! It's much, much easier now, but tbh I found it difficult for many months. I just felt determined to do it for DS, and feel fortunate that I've been able to. We're only having the one DC, so I'll never go this way again. Thinking of that has also helped through difficult times!
BTW, DH has an amazing bond with DS. He's done nearly every bath time for over a year, and did every single nappy for weeks when DS was a newborn. Lots of intimate care, just no milk feeding.

I don't enjoy it. It's never been completely comfortable for me, not so much the actual process but the leaking and heavy feeling in the boobs.

I do it because I firmly believe it's good for DD and for myself, but I told myself I'd get to 6 months then review. As it was, DD self-weaned at 10 months, possibly because I was pregnant again and my milk was probably changing.

I think women who don't love it but do it anyway should be really proud. Not that I'm biased or anything ...

Don't worry about the wine, I am sure one the experts on here can show the research but I am sure a glass or two wine isn't an issue. Also once established I went back to wearing normal bras( including underwired ones ) when I felt like having a cleavage!! back to a 32 A after finishing feeding) my children are much older now, pleased I bf them but not a biggie, their ff peers are not overweight, asthmatics with a terrible bond with their mums

My DS had difficulty bf in the beginning, I expressed and bottlefed him breastmilk which was absolutely exhausting, so I was over the moon when he finally got the hang of it at around three weeks old. I was then absolutely overwhelmed by how exhausting it was - nobody had prepared me for it! Everybody made it sound so easy. DS reduced me to tears quite a few times during the first few months with his clusterfeeding which made the first three months a total nightmare. It got to the point where I just hated feeling him sucking at my nipple (even though I never had sore nipples) and dreaded the next feed. I had preeclampsia and seeing as my body hadn't been able to feed him well during pregnancy, I was desperate to feed him myself and not fail him twice, otherwise I think I would have given up. However, when he was three months old he changed completely within a few days, it was as if someone had flicked a switch. He now never takes longer than 15 mins. for a feed and feeds every three hours - I would never have thought that possible! I still don't love bf though, in fact I am already looking forward to when he starts eating solids and needs less breastmilk. I do feel very proud of having come so far though and I think every mum who does not feel overjoyed every time she bf her baby should: bf is a lot of hard work!!

I don't love it either. I wasn't prepared for all the leaking and achey feelings and awful bras and ugly clothes and associated body image issues due to crazy appetite AT ALL.

But I was just too lazy to get up in the night with bottles. I'm swapping over to formula at the moment (almost 8 months into breastfeeding - I planned to do 6 weeks, I have no idea how I've got here), and know that I was right to breastfeed - formula is a faff for me even now when my baby is on such a decent routine that she doesn't cry for food ever. I can't imagine waiting for things to cool down etc with a screaming newborn, or trying to get to grips with going out with the right amount of milk etc when I was trying to learn all the other stuff about tiny babies. Of course people do manage it, it just wasn't for me.

At the moment I'm just doing one or two feeds a day/night, and it's all fine. No leaky boobs, no need to wear breastfeeding clothes or bras, can share the feeding with my partner (he loves doing it) or anyone else who fancies feeding her. I read a comment on here about 6 months ago that breastfeeding was only 'fun' or 'easy' once your child was eating solid food, and I think that that person might have been right.

But, the difference in my feelings towards it over the last two months as I've been giving it up, is quite marked. I feel it's a positive thing now, whereas before it was all stressful (responsibility I think) and sometimes miserable.

You guys are amazing and the support I have received is incredible I now know I am still normal it's ok to feel like this and regardless of what happens feed wise it's fine. Bf is going well I'm going to continue I'm determined whilst it's easy to do so. But to know I'm not alone has made me feel so much better. Thankyou again x

Glad you are better. I was very non committal while feeding but when I finished at a year, and then looked back on the whole year, I was very proud of what I'd done. So my satisfaction came post facto, IYKWIM.