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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding nightmare - help!!

30 replies

aelita · 02/05/2004 09:31

Looking for some reassurance from someone - please!
For the last month (seems like a lifetime) I've been getting increasingly depressed & frustrated with trying to feed DS (now 15 weeks). At almost every feed he's doing one or all of the following;

  1. Pulling away halfway through and crying/refusing to go back on, despite continuing to display hunger. 2.Pulling off constantly, just to check I'm still there! 2.Getting thoroughly distracted by anything and everything around him, which halts the feed.
  2. Repeatedly punching me in the face and pulling my glasses off whilst feeding(this sounds quite funny really, but it would try the patience of a saint!)

I'm committed to continuing to breastfeed, but I confess I'm beginning to hate it, as each attempt to feed him can be dragged out for hours and turns into a battleground, particularly the 7am. To top it all,I have to go back to work in the next week or so and don't think I can cope with this and demanding job too!

5 weeks ago I was really getting into the swing of things and enjoying feeding him. PLEASE, someone tell me this won't last!

OP posts:
hercules · 02/05/2004 10:45

bumping you

tamum · 02/05/2004 10:49

I remember ds going through a phase of this, and it did just pass on its own, but I'm sure there will be tricks you can try to help once some experts come along. He's just getting to the easily distracted phase and can't deal with it yet. Meanwhile just try to relax, maybe take your glasses off first if you don't need them? It will get better, honest.

hewlettsdaughter · 02/05/2004 10:51

Hi aelita. Re your third point, is it possible to swaddle your ds (ie wrap his arms in a muslin or something) to try and stop him flailing his arms about?

hewlettsdaughter · 02/05/2004 12:38

Or is he too big for that?

Original poster
aelita · 02/05/2004 12:53

I'd thought of that, hewlettsdaughter, but he is a bit big now and hates being swaddled. Maybe I'll bite the bullet and give it a go. I usually try holding his hand so he can squeeze my fingers instead, but then I can't steady his head! I tried draping a muslin over his head, but no joy.

And unfortunately, I can't see a darn thing without my glasses..

I'm just wondering how long this distracted phase can possibly last. The irony is that he can take a bottle from the childminder in a room full of screaming toddlers, but can't breastfeed in a quiet, familiar room with his mum!

OP posts:
eddm · 02/05/2004 12:56

Lots of sympathy, poor you. Ds did go through phase of pulling off but smiled so angelically it was hard to follow the advice I had ? which was to say 'no' very firmly and pick him up as if the feed had finished, so he got the idea that if he pulled off that was it. Tried it and may have helped but as I said, wasn't very good at it. Think he just stopped on his own, if I remember correctly. He did the glasses thing too (still does if he gets the chance although not b/f anymore so more when I'm carrying him with both arms and can't do much about it ? thanks ds!). Same advice probably applies...
Hope this helps (ooh, is that what HTH means, never worked it out until now). Like most things, it probably passes in time, fingers crossed.

suzywong · 02/05/2004 13:09

aelita
I don't know what postion you are breastfeeding in, but have you tried lying down on your side, let's say your right side just for example, and supporting yourself on youir right elbow. Put him on his left side with your tummies touching and hold his right hand and guide him towards the breast, attaching in his usual way. This was he can't reach your glasses and can't see around the room or very much other than your breast. This will stop him being distracted and you can hold his hand.

HTH

Original poster
aelita · 02/05/2004 13:29

Thanks, suzywong, I'll try that one at next feed and see what happens.
And thanks for messages of sympathy - I need people to tell me it passes..however eventually that might be!

OP posts:
Original poster
aelita · 02/05/2004 13:30

And yes, he does the angelic smiling too!

OP posts:
suzywong · 02/05/2004 13:31

Oh it does it does,
It can be really irrtating having them gnaw your boobs off for half and hour to no apparent avial though can't it.

Original poster
aelita · 02/05/2004 13:41

Yes - I just want my happy little feeder back!

OP posts:
kiwicath · 02/05/2004 14:15

Aelita, you posted EXACTLY what I came on line to post. My wee chap is 17 weeks doing exactly as yours is - has been for the past 2 weeks. He tells me he's hungry, eats for a few minutes then starts pulling back and unlatching only only to grab for the boob again and suck for half minute then pull away again .... and so on. I change boobs where he'll settle for a minute or so then do exactly the same again. With the treatment he's giving my nipples, I'm surprised he hasn't yanked them off!! Interested to see what kind of replies you get. Other mums in the area say that it's time to start solids but I'm determined to carry on to 6 months as he's thriving and seems to be getting his fill. I'm just puzzled by these goings on.

mears · 02/05/2004 14:55

This is just a phase (frustrating though it is) which will pass. If he starts faffing about at the breast then put it away. Don't persist thinking you must get a feed into him as your tension will pass to him. Just forget it and try later. Babies at this age start to decide more themdelves when they want to feed. Wait till he is nuzzling in looking for the breast rather than deciding preset feeding times. It is all aprt of them taking notice of the big world out there and them showing their little personalities. It isn't anything to do with not being satisied by breastmilk. They soon learn to get on with the job when the precious boob disappears when the carryon starts. He will settle back down again (went through this 4 times)

Original poster
aelita · 02/05/2004 15:48

Well I just hope it passes soon...over a month now and no sign of a let-up. I'm worried that it will continue after I'm back at work and it threatens to spoil the precious few feeds we'll have together,
And alas, my opportunities to 'put it away and try again later' will be severely limited, as I'll have to get ready for work and childminder delivery! I am doing as you advise at the moment though Mears.

kiwicath, my thoughts are with you! I hope yours' doesn't carry on as long as mine has..

suzywong, I tried the position you suggested. Started off okay, but once he realised his arm-activity was limited he started kicking me instead! And he still managed to wriggle free. Little bugger...if her weren't so cute I'd put him for sale!

OP posts:
Original poster
aelita · 02/05/2004 15:55

And kiwicath, I'm with you 100% on sticking with it til 6 months. I've been in a right old dilemma about the solids issue. Loads of people have been telling me they think it must be time and he needs more than breastmilk(he's a whopper). I decided to hold out til 4 months, now I'm going to do my best to take him to the 6 month mark. He's been growing just fine on milk alone, and if he wants to make up his calories on a night feed, then I'll just have ti live with it for now (started sleeping through at 10 weeks then abandoned that idea - erratic waking times seem more fun for him!)

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 02/05/2004 16:05

very similar behaviur here, Aelita.

I've been doing what Mears suggests - just stopping the feed when he messes about and it seems that he needs less than I thought!

He does also do the pulling away but still seeming hungry thing sometimes too. At those times I either a)put him on the other side regardless of which side he fed on last - I think maybe he's starting to decide for himself whether he wants a fast/slow feed (as it varies) or b) rock him on my chest until he calms down or falls asleep.

hope you find something that works for you anyway.

hercules · 02/05/2004 16:16

readthis

mears · 02/05/2004 16:27

Once you are back at work he will be desperate to have a breastfeed when you get home - there will be no faffing then believe me

suzywong · 02/05/2004 16:45

what a little B!
Gotta admire his determination though

Original poster
aelita · 02/05/2004 18:01

yep, SenoraPostrophe, there seems to be a breast-preference for the slow-flow side at the moment! Most of the time he seems to be saying 'I don't want 5 jets of milk hurtling down the back of my throat all at once, thanks all the same' and fusses til I put him on the other breast. Then the pulling off and staring starts,

OP posts:
kiwisbird · 02/05/2004 18:32

dd did this, it really hacked me off, then all of a sudden a tooth appeared, she was like that for every other tooth after that, fussy feeder...

moodyzebra · 02/05/2004 18:49

I tend to conclude that if a baby is pissing about they aren't really that hungry. Maybe bored, lonely, playful, instead. I would try distraction, play, other things, and only offer the boob again a bit or even much later.

Original poster
aelita · 06/05/2004 12:54

Okay, so probably getting myself too worked up over this, but having tried all the tricks and suggestions I get nowhere. It's just that this is my last full week at home with him and I'm feeling wretched, . Breatsfeeding does not feel like much of a bonding experience right now and I can't get through to any of the support phonelines...
Coming up to about 6 weeks now of this rigmarole (he's 16 weeks tomorrow) - can anyone else who's been through this tell me how long it can last??

OP posts:
frogs · 06/05/2004 14:25

Hi aelita

My older two went through a phase of doing this, both of them used to use their arms to brace against me, which made it feel as if they were pushing me away. It does make you feel rejected, somehow, that they aren't as intensely focussed on what you're doing for them.

My dd2 hasn't done this in the same way she has started fiddling with my clothes while she feeds, but doesn't actually pull off. It is a phase, though, shows they're starting to take more interest in the world around them multitasking, if you like!

If you're his only source of food, enough must be going down to keep him happy -- have you had him weighed? If he's still gaining weight, it's a problem insofar as it's annoying for you, but not for him. I'd agree with other posters, once he stops feeding seriously, bring the feed to an end, hopefully that'll concentrate his mind a bit.

hth

Heathcliffscathy · 06/05/2004 14:29

i had to get ds to start me off and then get the excess onto a muslin until jets calmed down and he could go back on. ds is six months and i have to feed him in a darkened room if i want it to happen as if there is anything interesting he will look at it rather than feed. shhhing rhythmically seems to help too...i know what it's like it's a pain..my ds plays with my face...i've taken to taking his fingers in my mouth so that he doesn't whack me, which he seems to enjoy!!!! altho he does pull my lower lip sometimes which can be painful!