Breastfeeding beyond the age of 3

[anjf]

Has anyone who is still breastfeeding their little one past the age of 3 been subject to unhelpful/interfering/judgemental comments? My own mother, every week, insists on telling me my son is 'too big now' 'doesn't need booby anymore' 'when are you going to stop?'. It makes me question myself at times until I remind myself that he is my child, not hers, and I can continue for as long as he asks for it. Why is it that people feel the need to make a negative comment about something that is natural? It is not nice to have doubts running through your head about what you feel is the best for your own child. I intend to stop when he stops asking for it, but must admit, the judgements are beginning to affect me a little. My son is 3 and 5 months now and is only asking for booby last thing at night, first thing in the morning and when he is hurt or upset. Do people feed the need to make their view heard because they themselves did not feed that long? I try not to judge other mums about their decisions, just offer advice if wanted. Bold statements like 'you should really stop because he is too old now' ? Seriously! why does it bother you I want to say. Can anyone relate to this?

yes I have this. My little one is 2 through. Drives me mad.

bf1000, what do you say in response?

My son is 6 and still has the occasional feed. I stopped telling people a long time ago!

I try to remember that many people are just weirded out and/or squeamish because they are ignorant/unfamiliar with extended breastfeeding. I might say "I know it seems weird (to you) but it's very common in other countries, for instance the Koran teaches kids should be breast-fed till 2 and the global average weaning age is supposedly 4.2yrs" I find many people just don't think it's possible to feed 2 or feed when pregnant or feed a toddler. I hope that may encourage questions or a discussion that educates the other person. I think our mums have special abilities to irritate us & push our buttons though!

Hey Temporaryanonymity, I think you might have the right idea. Is he your only child? I am always interested in the reasons people carry on breastfeeding for longer than what is 'expected'.

I just don't tell anyone. My DD is three and a half and has a cow's milk allergy. I was glad to be able to bf her and now she gets so much comfort from a pre-bed feed. Not sure when we will stop.

Ds is 4 and still feeding.
I stopped telling people over a year ago, life's too short to deal with judgy comments.

No, I have an 8 year old too. I fed them both together for around 6 months so I have been feeding for 8.5 years in total! My days are numbered though, he's tailing off for sure.

I didn't set out to feed this long. I just decided to let them set their own timescales. I never thought it would be this long!

Don't say the global average age of weaning is 4.2 years, it's pretty obviously not and will give anyone who's minded to argue with you unnecessary ammunition. You still have every right to feed as long as you both want and tell anyone who doesn't like it to mind their own fucking business though. If people could focus their energies on all the children who aren't being fed instead of the ones who are, the world would be a considerably better place!

I tried and failed to breastfeed all three of my dses, so have no firsthand experience - but my best friend was still feeding her son up to the point where he started school.

At that point, it was just at bedtime, and helped him settle to sleep - and I didn't see anything wrong with it at all. And the boy in question is a fine young man of 20 now, away from home at University, and thriving - I don't think there is a single thing that anyone could point to and say 'Look - this or that bad thing is because he was breastfed until he was 4.5!'

He's a secure, happy young man - and that is down to the way he was parented by my friend. We all do our best for our children - and anyone who suggests you aren't, needs to wind their neck in!

I just weaned DS2 this week (at 2.5) but my sisters have both been quite vocal about how inappropriate it is and asking me when I was going to stop.

I used to smile sweetly and say that the more they went on about it, the longer I would do it for. I also reminded DSis2 that her boys both had dummies until they were 3, and mentioned to DSis1 that she was still spoon-feeding her twins pureed food at 18 months. Each to their own and all that...

But the best thing I did was NOT CARE what they said (because I genuinely didn't). Smile and shrug and say DS2 and I were both happy with things and that's all that mattered...

It's true IWillOnlyEatBeans. Breastfeeding becomes a totally different thing when they are older. It's a comfort rather than a form of nutrition. If that's what my son wants, then of course I will comfort him. Still don't know when I will stop, but he is asking less and less so maybe he will end naturally by himself. Maybe that is what used to happen years ago, you let the child stop when they wanted. Sisters can be such pains in the butt if you decide to do something different to them. I don't really know if they are trying to help or just trying to boss you around/wind you up! By the way, how did you wean? Did you say it's all gone now, or no more booby? Does your little one still ask or not?

My sisters don't like me making different decisions to them. They both went back to work after having their DC whereas I am a SAHM. I get a lot of grief about that as well! Apparently I should make decisions which make THEM feel comfortable and validated, rather than doing what makes sense for my own family...

Anyway, we are only on day 4 of weaning, so DS2 is still asking for boobie (particularly when he is tired). I tell him that it's all gone, and that my boobies are now not full (he understands 'not full' better than 'empty'!) I am using the chocolate-buttons-and-Numberjacks distraction technique which seems to be working quite well so far! I was expecting it to be a lot harder than it has been.

I haven't told my sisters that I have weaned, btw, and don't have any plans to!

yep. I don't think my DH is a fan since DS turned 4 and I have no doubt that others would be uncomfortable if I did it in their presence. I tend to not feed him out of the house now.

Hey beans I can remember with my second he stopped asking after 1 week. But he did chase me and I did run away! I said you've drunk it all its all gone!

I never offer it anymore unless he is ill. He is asking less and less these days but if I am getting changed he'll try and have a quick feed.

My son as I said is 6 and he is happy, very independent and confident. My older one fed until he was around 3 I think and he just stopped overnight.

To think I only ever decided to breast feed to annoy my ex MIL!

My 4 year old daughter still feeds first thing in the morning and last thing at night. She asks for day feeds occasionally and I tell her I can't feed her more than twice a day. I find it uncomfortable. She has a 10 m.o. brother so I already spend a good part of the day feeding him. It's a negotiation between child and mum that no one else should have an opinion on. Like a lot of you I have stopped telling people I still feed her. It's too awkward, the majority of people just don't understand that some children want to feed longer than "the norm". My son's still feeding countless times a day, but he's never needed it for comfort the way my daughter always has, and still does. The great advantage of her still feeding is that when she's ill, I know my milk will make her better, and that she won't become dehydrated.

La Leche League are really good. Its nice to meet up with other mums who feed toddlers. www.laleche.org.uk/