My friend's anti-BF comments have really got to me :(

[tigertum]

My friend has two DS's, her second and my DS are the same age. Since I've got my head around being a mum, it's become apparent that we have a different approach to babycare. This really shouldn't be a problem, but she is still (my son is now 18 months) throwing in the odd anti-breastfeeding comment into our conversations and its really getting to me, especially because she never wanted to try it and I had to fight so hard to be able to do it and now value it so much.

My DS was 100% BF until 6 months and is still BF now. He had bad colic at the start and until I started co-sleeping night times were a problem. Her DS had no colic and slept through from an early age and she would say things to me like "All the BF babies I know cry all the time." Which really got to me. There were other things said and I thought it was in the past, but again, today whilst talking about a mutual friend's choice to formula feed her newborn, "Well they are so happy on formula aren't they? So content and easy to look after". I said nothing, but this comment brought back allot of ill feeling.

Am I over-reacting to feel angry about this comment? Why can't people keep their anti formula/BF thoughts to themselves?

Ah, take no notice, I had a "friend" who did this to me, but I had the last laugh when I took DS round to visit her when he was about 18 months old and he was sipping nicely out of a tommee tippee cup (still BF in the evenings at that stage) and her kids were guzzling fizzy drinks (I kid you not) out of bottles.

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Your 'perfect parent' syndrome rings true VeniVidiVickiQV . I think that's how she see's herself a bit. As she has done things so differently to me and had 'better results' in terms of a self-pacifying baby that sleeps through and rarely crys, maybe she blames the problems I've had on my methods. She gave me the 'rod for my own back line' when I started to co-sleep and sent me a well-meaning but rather hurtful email about mine and DP's bed being 'sacred' and hearing such 'horrible things in the news' about cot death and co-sleeping and that her and her DP have worked hard to get their baby in his routine etc.

Maybe my hippy free-wheeling lifestyle of demand feeding and co-sleeping just plain freaks her out.

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"Maybe my hippy free-wheeling lifestyle of demand feeding and co-sleeping just plain freaks her out."
yep, reckon. one of my antenatal group friends makes all sorts of comments o make herself feel better about her own choices e.g. saying that my dd1 is too timid and not robust enough because she was at home with me and not at nursery (like her ds) and so on.
repeat after me - it is about HER and not about YOU

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You'd think women would support each other whatever their choices. I suppose it's fine to offer advice if it's asked for, or if something worked really well for you, you'd mention it but otherwise why would you bother?

Snide comments and conversations started with 'why do you ....' are unnecessary.

Also, VVVQV the 'contentedness' being down to character thing. I know a mother of twins, who has one baby that slept through from a week and another who woke up loads at night until her was about 18 months.

Yep, you can make sure both are fed, warm, comfortable, clean, dry, winded and cuddled and yet one will cry, and another will be perfectly happy.

Next time she sends you an email like that, come on here, and ask us to help you draft a response with some facts to back you up

Thanks for all your posts. I feels really good to get it off my chest and get some insights/support.

Me and my friend used to be so close, but there is definatley an atmosphere now. I suppose time will tell.

Thanks again for your posts