I don't know how I can carry on breastfeeding

[ZylaB]

Hi, I'll apologise now but am feeling pretty emotional!

DD is 13 and a half weeks old and EBF. She was just under 4 weeks premature and we really really struggled with feeding at the start, she just wasn't interested and wanted to cuddle up and sleep. My milk didn't come in until day 6 and she lost 12.5% of her birth weight and didn't get back to her birthweight until she was 5 weeks old. That said, we managed it, once she started feeding (with a LOT of encouragement and several emotional breakdowns from me) she just maintained her weight then slowly put an ounce on here or there, then finally getting going. We had issues with silent reflux but they're sorted now and I truly don't think it's causing her big issues now she's growing up a bit (she's on ranitidine).

She's now putting on about a pound every two weeks and is following the 25th percentile line once her age is corrected back 4 weeks due to being premature, so great...everyone is happy and I'm so pleased with her and proud of her. She's done this for the last 6 weeks of checking though hasn't been weighed for 2 weeks as the HVs want me to go less often even though it was reassuring me things were ok.

But... (There's always a but isn't there?!) ... She feeds ALL the time during the day. If we're going out I'll feed her before we set off. So went out today, fed before we left, 30min walk to get there, nappy change and she wanted feeding. We were out for 3 hours and she fed 4 times and wanted more when we got home and has fed all afternoon. It's always the same. Evenings are a complete right off as she cluster feeds, but I'm ok with that as she then sleeps ok once she eventually goes to sleep. So she cries all the time for feeds (or a clean nappy as soon as she's done a tiny dribble, but that's a different thread ).

I had a couple of blisters on my nipple 2 weeks ago but had my latch checked at the feeding group I go to and she said it was ok, so I've been careful with her to try and make sure I'm not getting lazy with it and getting a poor latch, but I'm getting anger one. I've tried different positions but I think my boobs are just getting sore from the amount of feeding all the time.

I'm pretty sure it's not a growth spurt, it's always the same. Please tell me it'll settle down soon, or give me something I can do to ease it up. I WANT to breastfeed, but it feels like it's too much and my baby seems unhappy and hungry all the time. I don't know what to do, other mums I know with babies the same age and a bit younger have started to get longer between feeds and I'm stuck feeding all day still. She was checked by the HV for tongue tie when she was little because of feeding issues but she said DD was fine.

What can I do, I feel like I'm going to give in and formula feed, but I don't want to (I'm type 1 diabetic and type 1 and 2 runs down my family and I know there's a tiny increased chance of her developing type 2 if FF and I want to do all I can to keep her chances as low as possible) and I'm feeling guilty for even thinking about it.

Thanks for reading my epic whine.

Is the reflux making her comfort feed? DD1 did this - endlessly on the boob to suppress the acid. Will she take a dummy?

Hi, she did feed for the reflux before the ranitidine kicked in, but she's a lot less gurgly now and it doesn't seem to hurt her if she is a bit gurgly. I'm pretty sure she has less reflux now and she's also upright a lot which also helps, so I don't think its that.

She really won't take a dummy we tried a lot when the reflux was bad to see if the spit would make her throat hurt less but she spits it out all the time.

I do use a sling a lot as its ace for keeping her upright, but it doesn't stop her rooting then crying for a feed as soon as she wakes up (ie all the time!)

Thanks for the suggestions though. :)

Sounds like you have done really well!All my 3 were like this,feeding loads during the day and evening.I think I was being used as a dummy! Eventually and very gradually they started to go longer between feeds,it will happen!I never wanted to give dummies but might be worth a go,and the sling idea might help?It is so relentless at the time though,I remember it well!But before you know it you will be in more of a predictable feeding pattern and then on to experimenting with solids,I never imagined we would get there,and you will too!

Do you feed on both sides each time? You can also then go back to the first side again and even the second again. It could be comfort feeding but could also be that she's not taking very much each time so is genuinely hungry again.

You are doing really well. i think there is a big difference between three months ish and four or five months ish in age. My DD was a September baby and before Christmas I barely left the house with her myself. Just before Christmas I started a weekly class and suddenly after the Christmas break I realised I had turned a corner and was able to get out more and more s she was going longer between feeds. It did seem to take ages, but it will pass. You are doing well- be kind to yourself and use YouTube for videos on improving your latch.

I don't feed on both sides except first thing in the morning. This is usually because she's feeding so often I'm trying to give my boobs a break. I will try to do this, but she does take herself off after a feed and doesn't seem too interested. Maybe she's tired but not getting enough so doesn't want to try the other side iyswim?

Sorry I started a long message and lost it, just wanted to make a few suggestions...
Firstly do whatever works for you, feed your baby as you feel comfortable, if you need support breastfeeding there is plenty around via hv, nct, la leche league etc...

This is what worked for me...
Take your baby back to bed during the day, feed as much as she wants, make yourself comfortable with pillows, take good books, tv box sets films etc.
Eat plenty, have snacks like piece of toast and banana, especially around 4pm. Drink loads of water.
Get some lasinoh and apply after each feed, this should make nipples less sore.
Accept all offers of help, ask good friends and family to bring you meals ready made and ideally a spare for the freezer, don't worry about cleaning etc, just get through the next week or two.
I'm not sure if I'm calculating correctly your dds corrected age is around 10 weeks, which is a very common growth spurt and feeding frenzy.

If you think this feeding might be reflux related, maybe worth a trip back to doctor?

Hope it all gets easier for you soon.

I think they do tend to come off if the flow diminishes, but she might take more from the other side if offered.

I sympathise. I spent all my dc's babyhood feeling like I had them permanently attached to my boob.

Just another few weeks and you can start giving her solids, and she should cut back by then. Take it one week at a time...

Well done, you're doing fab. Health visitors aren't trained to spot tongue ties, they can be tricky to diagnose. Can you see a specialist? There's a directory of them somewhere in t'interweb.

I am really rooting for you now! Imagine if she was still that hungry and you had to prepare a bottle every half an hour. Stick with the boobs, they'll see you right.

Thank you all for your kind words. I think I'm going to have to take it a day at a time. I'm trying to be careful with our latch and will offer both sides at a time. But it feels relentless and I hurt! I think I was hoping you'd all say 'oh don't worry, our babies all settled into a routine at about 14-16 weeks', then I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, but I know that's just silly of me. I feel bad for crying while feeding her, as I know she can tell and she keeps looking worried at me. I'll take a few deep breaths and carry on and reassess at the weekend maybe.

This is bring it all back for me (DS is 22months old and still a boob monster). It does get better, OP.

Hi OP, phew what a journey you've had so far. Huge well done for overcoming so many obstacles in getting feeding established. It sounds like you really do want to carry on bf your daughter but are finding her needs pretty intense. Is she content between feeds? As a PP has suggested, riding the tide and being super kind to yourself during the this time is essential. So afternoons relaxing in bed/on couch, some skin-to-skin to reestablish latch, just enjoying each other's company. You're doing all the right things and are obviously trying hard to understand your baby and to make things work for the both of you. Were your tears just a one off do you think? Do you have much support around you? Keep an eye on yourself, definitely talk to your GP if you suspect any hint of PND. Take care OP.

I would second the advice to check the tt again. A HV is extremely unlikely to have had specialist training in spotting tt. There is a thread on here about the hundreds of people who were told their baby was not tongue tied when in fact they actually were.

a little update..

I went to the feeding meeting thingy at the hospital and had a weep on them. It was at 2pm and they asked what feed I was on, I said I dunno..9 or 10ish? They've ruled out tongue tie which is good, and it was the expert who checks any babies they're concerned about and cuts them, she checked DD's tongue and palette and said they were fine. We think DD just snacks so are going to work on getting more milk into her at each feed, my latch wasn't perfect (hence the blisters I've had on one nipple) so we worked on that which may help the amount she drink, I've got to be mean and annoy her during feeds to keep her going and then take her off when she doesn't feed actively as she IS using me as a dummy towards the end of a feed, not actively sucking just there for comfort. Hopefully this will make her get more per feed so she then goes longer between feeds.

They said because she's sleeping so well at night she may just be stocking up during the day, but suggested pumping so I can give her one bottle of expressed a day to give me a break. BUT, I need to pump in the early hours of the morning...4 hours after she goes to sleep at 10ish so I've plenty to pump, but also becaus boob design is stupid and that's when we have most of the hormone to stimulate supply, so doing this will hopefully make sure my supply is good too so her daytime feeds are really filling her up.

I have no idea if it'll work, but I like having a plan so fingers crossed it does!

it is great to have a plan. Best of luck!

Lots of good advice above, I will just second that it DOES get easier and less painful as baby gets more efficient, PLUS expert advice is so so valuable and sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs when searching out good bf support. By 12/16 weeks all probs disappear and you'll be able to feed baby in a sling or carrier while going about your daily business.

Hope you're still feeling good today Zyla

Hope you are feeling ok and not too sore, I think offering both sides is a great idea, I think I'm right in saying switch feeding (feeding one side then the other the back to first again and second again etc) is a really good way to build milk supply, I had this with ds hence my suggestion of both back to bed or at least stock up entertainment and snacks on the sofa, lots of pillows and cushions for comfort and then feed, feed feed...

It does get easier and better - but please don't think of formula feeding as failing. It isn't. It never has been, and it never will be. There are lots of ways of making feeding work, exclusively breast fed, a mixture, all ff. And it might be that you have started with breastfeeding and move on to ff - that will be fine. For you and your child. I didn't know that there was an increased of diabetes in ff babies - there is one for mothers (ie if you don't breastfeed, then there is a v.v.v small increase in your risk of developing diabetes). I can vouch for it getting easier, but also for moving from bf to ff at 3 months - DS was tonguetied etc. It's what works for you and yours that is important. Good luck, and I hope that you are feeling better and stronger.