How do you stop breastfeeding a toddler?

[spekulatius]

Mainly feed during nap and night time but often the whole night. Don't know how to stop. I'm expecting DC2 so will need to stop at some point soon. DD always feeds to sleep so I don't really know how to replace that with something else without her feeling pushed away. And something that doesn't take hours for her to settle. Any suggestions?

I stopped feeding to sleep cold turkey.
I just wore a high necked top and tried to explain to him. There were tears but I just cuddled and sang and after 3 nights, he was fine. Now he just has a quick cuddle then lies down and goes to sleep.
I would never have believed it if you had told me but it worked for us.
I still feed to sleep for naps and during the day but plan to slow down/stop in time.

I went cold turkey on feeding to sleep too, still takes her a while to settle though... Then cut out night feeds and cut down morning feeds to a couple a week (often leave for work before she wakes up). Good luck!

How old is dd?

I stopped feeding ds1 at 3, by offering him a choice to carry on feeding if he wanted, or to choose a "big boy toy" once he could go to sleep without a feed. He tried a couple of times, then decided to choose a present, but then he was old enough to make that choice. I also had a box of minimilk in the fridge. They were great for distraction during the daytime, if he needed a 5 minute sit down. We then progressed off them and onto a drink and some fruit etc.

I stopped feeding ds2 at night at 2, explaining that once it was dark there would be no nursing, but that he could have some in the morning. However, that was in autumn, when it was dark enough. Perhaps you could try the same, once the curtains are closed in the bedroom - no, it's sleep time now. Milk in the morning.

I had to send in dh several times the first night, to a) offer water (indignantly refused) b) repeat the mantra - mum's asleep now. It's sleep time. Milk in the morning and c) to reassure him and tuck him back in. It took 3 nights but it worked, and we managed the odd daytime feed to keep us going.

(Apparently your milk will change as you approach birth again - some go off the new flavour, others keep feeding, if you have the energy)

HTH

She's 2.5 this month. Sometimes DH puts her to sleep or she had a nap with him and he can just lie next to her and she will sleep but even then she wakes up for milk during the night, if I'm on a night shift. DH also works shifts so he isn't there every bedtime or every night. It's not just the drinking, its the whole touching that comes with it. I don't think that she will stop on her own, she has always been very attached to bf and touching breasts. So if I just refused to feed her now she would cry and cry and I couldn't deal with that. Plus she's quite big, she just helps herself, it would be a physical battle. I did stop her last night as I hadn't slept at all until about 4 because she just drank and squeezed continously so I said, it's time to sleep now and turned her onto her side and held her closely and she fell asleep and slept for a few hours. I guess I'm just very tired, work is quite hard and I remember the first few months of pregnancy with DD I used to have 4 hour naps.

Sounds very like ds2 - old enough to understand the words, but also old enough to understand what she wants too - and to insist on it!

Could you hang on until the next Bank Holiday weekend - or whenever you and dh are home together, so that you can take it in turns to settle her, or to catch up on some sleep the next day if she keeps you awake. We got very little sleep the first night, with dh going in to reassure ds2 every 20 minutes or so and keep him calm (ds2 was very cross and cried a lot) and with me lying awake listening and feeling guilty. It sounds as if you are co-sleeping, so you might need to swap sides, so that dh can cuddle her, and you sleep on the other side (or settee?) for a night or two, so that she can get the idea that the milk is no longer available at night.

The second night was much better and the third night just a whimper but we needed a day or two to recover from the first night.

HTH

Yes we co sleep and DH is in the spare bedroom. Another reason I want her to stop feeding during the night. I guess it also depends on what DC2 is going to do. If they sleep in a moses basket I could justify DD sleeping in a cot in her room but if the next baby is in bed with me I would feel very guilty to have forced DD out. Oh it's hard. Definitely easier to bottle feed and own room, but not closely attached IYSWIM.

I stopped just after a holiday away. I think the break from normal routine helped

I think you need to decide what your ultimate goal is.

It sounds like it's more than just breastfeeding that you may wish to tackle? Entirely your choice. My 2 year old dd3 is still feeding before bed/ naps but sleeps in her own room and can be put to bed by others if I'm not there. She recently went through a period of feeding overnight which was sorted by DH going into her for a few nights.

Suspect stopping feeding whilst continuing to co sleep will be trickier due to physical proximity.

Decide what you want to achieve.

I didn't bother with cots and put my boys straight into a single bed, with a bedguard. That way they could snuggle down in their own bed, with one of us cuddling them if we wanted, they could wander through in the night for a cuddle if they needed one, and we could settle them back down with a bit of adult body warmth if we needed to. (It also means there is a spare adult sized bed, if one of you wants to escape for a peaceful night's sleep, or if one of the kids is ill)

Worked for us

I put nail biting nail polish on nipples then take her for a drive to go to sleep
She now goes to sleep with a bottle holding my flesh, either arm or breast
I stopped bf at 2 and 3 months

All mine co slept, my last until 2.5, I moved into own bed with guard then I tackled the night feeds 1st I stopped the bedtime/morning feed then all the night feeds it was cracked within the week

I put big sticky plasters over my nipples and told my youngest that they were broken. He commiserated and just started cuddling down to sleep. It was all waaayyyy easier than anticipated cause it was a bloody mission with the older two..... But saw that as trick on YouTube (5 am desperation!). I think it worked because he didn't feel I was withholding on purpose! I had tried vinegar on my boobs before that but poor soul just persevered with the yucky milk. He was 2. 6 at the time.

When I stopped feeding get DS1 to sleep (about 2.3) I rearranged his room so his feeding spot wasn't there ( oh and spent a few weeks before that only feeding him on that chair). On the first night just did normal routine but sat on floor for stories and gave a cup of milk and made lots of "aren't you a big boy having milk from a cup" comments. Might be harder if she feeds in your bed but if you can make a similar switch in the routine to remove association with nursing it might help?

For night feeds (a bit later, when I was also pg with dc2) i tried gradually shortening feeds but in the end we did just have to say no and cuddle through he crying. DH did it first but then he went away and I had to do it which was hard (he would say " a tiny bit" in a heart rending way) but I had reached my limit, it was pretty painful as milk had dried up and I just knew I had to keep going.

Regarding bed changes I think if you make them know (or soon) she won't associate them with new baby as it's a few months away. Could she have a mattress on your floor, new duvet and pillow to make it her special den/cosy nest?

When our second arrived DS1 started wanting to sleep in our bed (never had before) so we set up a co.sleeper cot (well, the ikea one bungeed to our bed) so there is room for us all and baby had a safe space away from toddler. Just another option to consider.

Make them now. Not know, sorry

Place marking

DS2 sort of night weaned himself, but DS1 was more persistent - we used a variation of this to cut out night feeds when I was pregnant and exhausted, worked very well.

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Did involve a lot of daddy cuddling, but it didn't take too long for him to get the message that the all night milk bar was closed.

Also I found once I'd stopped night feeding that I didn't really mind continuing with day feeds.

Oh, and if you're pregnant you may find that your supply drops enough that she'll lose interest by herself - DS1 more or less self-weaned when I was about 5 months gone. He'd gone down to just bedtime feeds, they were getting more and more cursory, until eventually I suggested that he was "a big boy who had drunk all the milk" and he never asked again.

Leedy, what a lovely website, thank you. I don't think I'm ready to wean completely but it's good to know that I can limit it to day time or going to sleep and waking up so we xan alk get more sleep. And maybe in the following months she might give up herself. I don't really like the idea of her being on her own in a room but I thought there was no other way to get her to stop breastfeeding throughout the night. So glad you posted this.