4mo OBSESSED with BFing

[Peaceloveandhobnobs]

I've had a tumultuous time feeding my DS, now four months old. I stopped breastfeeding him at around three weeks because it made me very mentally unwell. I then fed him expressed milk, and then a combination of EBM and formula milk. When he was three months old I decided to try breastfeeding again and it started to work for us, which I was pleased about. I still don't enjoy it, but I'm managing to get through each feed without any psychosis!!

He's now 18 weeks old and goes 7:30pm - 6am without a feed. He was sleeping twelve hours when he was on bottles, but now wakes just for reassurance dummy. I haven't been feeding him when he wakes because he doesn't seem hungry, and I think it would actually wake him up properly.
Anyway, during the mornings he's lovely and smiley and happy, but in the afternoon he screams incessantly unless he's allowed to breastfeed and fall asleep, and then feed again when he wakes up, on and off all afternoon. If I try and distract him he screams until he is the colour of beetroot. I can't go on like this anymore; its reminding me of the horrible early days again when he'd stay latched on and off all night long.
My house is horrific because I have appointments in the mornings and am then stuck in this hellish cycle all afternoon from about 2-6pm. I have friends coming over tomorrow and really have tried to make an effort with the house, but it's still a disaster area. I just had to leave him in his cot for ten minutes while I hoovered the stairs. When I came back he was almost being sick with crying I had to feed him. but what can I do? I don't want to leave him crying (and it's not recommended until after 6 months, anyway), but I don't think this is normal. I'm at the end of my tether. The only thing that distracts him is walking in the pram (he falls asleep), but then I get no housework done either my nipples get a break though. Rocking in the pram doesn't work.

Nothing fucking works. I can't cope anymore. Is this normal? Am I just doing it wrong?

this sounds tough but I think he's probably just wanting to help increase your supply by feeding a lot and th afternoon is the time he's decided to do it! He also could be tired from being out in the morning and babies like to feed to sleep - that's def normal. My advice would be to try and relax (I know hard, I hated it when my house was a tip when both my kids were tiny) and go with it. Babies do pick up on your vibe so it's quite possible that if you chill out, let him feed himself to sleep, taking as long as he likes you may get him to have a massively long nap giving you time to sleep yourself / clean / have me time. I find watching TV or reading while feeding, preferably lying down, helps to chill me out and make me forget about how long the feeding is taking. I also find lying down feeding better for getting a good latch. at 18 weeks he may now be getting distracted easily so only has a proper feed to sleep when it's relatively calm and quiet, my daughter is like this and so if I want to feed her to sleep I take her to bed and quite often she has a mega (2-3 hour) nap after.

No expert but a night feed might work. My dd feeds twice a night (6 months),and rarely really wakes. The feeding puts her back to sleep.

She went through a cluster feeding phase at 4 months too - 5-9pm almost continually. So it could be that? It settled down. Now she feeds every 3 hr during the day, with the bedtime feed beibg 45 min or so "to sleep" and 2 night feeds at 11 and 3am.

I was a reluctant (?) breast feeder. I loved it on the one hand but on the other hand I wasn't a natural at it. I breastfeed ds1 for a year and ds2 for 8 months. I would say with hindsight I stopped too late with both of them.

I'd have loved to be one that breastfed until DCs self weaned but it just wasn't for me. I found the relentlessness of it hard. The fact that I was completely tied to the baby (wouldn't take milk from bottles at all) was hard and the way it left me hungry and drained wasn't fun either. But I was convinced it was essential, that I was doing the very best thing for my baby. I even got hung up on Virgin gut.

There were good times and I also appreciated how very lucky I was to be able to breastfeed. Ds1 still remembers being fed and he adores that memory, so it must have been filled with love, the time we spent huddled up together feeding for hours on end!

Don't be hard on yourself. I was super house proud and the pressure when you have a baby is enormous. Don't be afraid to ask for help (breastfeeding or housework or whatever) and accept it and iif breastfeeding is not working out for you, it's not working out for you: the baby a bottle and don't feel guilty about it.

You may find this is just a phase and as babies grow, they change And the way they are changes and you adapt to all the change too and in another four weeks this is a distant memory!

Sorry for the essay, I hope it helps. I think I'm just trying to say I get it and I hope you're doing ok.

Try fennel teabags- available in most supermarkets and health shops.

Have several mugs of it through the day - it is a good way of increasing milk supply.

Thanks so much for all your replies. I posted this as I was feeding him and as soon as DH came home I handed him over and left them to it. He gives him a bottle before bed, so I'm feeling a bit more human again until tomorrow.
I did try feeding him during the night but only for one night and I heard that you need to do it continuously for a few nights to make a habit. To be honest I don't know if I want to make a habit of it!!
It's reassuring to hear that another 4mo did cluster feeding in the afternoons; I hope that's all this is and he's not just formed a habit of his own.
I usually end up taking him to bed in the afternoon and letting him latch on and off himself as he drifts in and out of sleep. He's too heavy to sit and feed/hold for a long time, and very occasionally I get to nap too! But if I try to sneak away once he's asleep he only lasts 10-20 minutes before he's screaming again.
When DH comes home and takes him away from me he doesn't scream, which makes me think he's trying it on with me because he knows I've got the milk. I'm trying not to engage this thought because I had some very difficult psychotic thoughts about him when he was little. I know rationally that he isn't capable of tricking me or acting maliciously etc.
I'm going to bed now (been cleaning since 7pm, feel much better now the house is more presentable), but will write more tomorrow if you're willing to listen.
Thanks.

I hope today is better for you. My DD went through a phase of feeding loads around 4mo too. It felt a bit like the newborn stage all over again, but it did pass fairly quickly. You're doing great, so try not to beat yourself up about things. It's really hard keeping on top of the house when you're tied to feeding your baby isn't it? This was one of the things I struggled with the most, and in fact I still struggle with at 6 months. Of course baby is number one priority but it's not a crime to want to live in a reasonably clean and tidy house too!

He was distracted by the visitors until 4pm, so only had to do the deed for two hours instead of four. He was extremely cross when I took him off so DH had to take him for a drive to calm him down. Instinctively I wanted to put him back on because I knew it would calm him, but I also knew that he was very well fed, and my breasts were achingly empty. I wish I could distract him myself, but it's like he knows my only purpose is milk.

He's still a very young baby, you seem to believe he is capable of manipulating you, he isn't. He cries because he is hungry or needs comforting , that's all he needs from you, you seem to resent this and that is where your problems lie.

I know I've got issues with that. I'm trying not to engage those thoughts. But how can he be hungry all the time? Genuinely hungry? I think he'd be better off with someone who can give him what he wants because he is never satisfied by me. I want to walk out of the door and not come back. He's huge and has never had issues putting weight on, and I always get comments about how big he is. No wonder when you see how much he wants to eat. How can he be hungry all the time??

He could be having a growth spurt - it does sound as though he's genuinely hungry.

Growth spurt makes it sound less permanent, which is nice. I can't stop crying.

4 months is a genuinely hellish time. Totally normal growth spurt time and it feels like feeding a newborn again. It is exhausting it is bloody tough but it passes I promise.
Your instinct to put him back on is totally spot on. He is telling your body he is growing and that he will be needing it to produce more milk in time for that.
I really struggled with this first time round with dd but did make it through in the end. When I was pregnant with ds1 I read everything I could on forums and other websites so that I knew what was normal. It made it much easier. Admittedly I was still on my knees with exhaustion but knowing it was normal and would pass and that yep I was doing a pretty fantastic job of it got me through.
Well done for getting here and trying to push through. You are pretty bloody amazing

I'm no expert on BF and only did it for 4 months with DD so I'm sure you will get some much better advice on what might help. You do sound really fed up though and worn out with it. I wonder if you might be better trying to go back to expressing and feeding with a bottle and/or giving formula because at least then you know what he is getting and you won't be wondering if he is hungry. Also, you could use a dummy for comfort, you could give it to him after bf and then he may stay asleep for longer so you could get a bit of a break.
Is there a bf support group in your area as I'm sure they would give you some tips too, I think the right support can really help and it should not feel like a punishment.
But mostly I think you should do what is best for both of you and whatever that is don't feel guilty for doing it. You should be enjoying your time together while he is little and that is the most important thing.

I am a great fan of bfing I ebfed dd till she was 4 but dont do this at the risk of your mental health. You need to take your own health so you can care for the baby.

Can you get some real life support as well as the advice on here. La leche league or breast feeding network or some areas have peer support workers through the health authority. I don't feel like i know enough with specific advice but definitely remember it being a tough time at around 4 months. I was the only one of my mum group still breastfeeding and struggling with the commitment, while all their babies seemed so much more easy going. Some how I made it through and found that life actually got easier for me at 6 months when all I had to do was go out with nappies and my boobs!

Thank fuck he slept through until 5 last night. Been having sleeping issues on top of everything else, so that was nice. I really needed a sleep last night. Thanks for your comments.
Expressing makes me feel worse mentally, and I can't afford full-time formula, so it has to be breast. I've woken up feeling more determined and hopeful that this is just a 4mo thing and it will pass with age.

Well we just did half an hour of messing around feeding/sleeping this afternoon, and now he's very happy and chirpy, and not screaming. I seriously wonder whether it has to do with the fact that he slept well.

Just a quick one - you can pay for formula with healthy start vouchers. Speak to your HV about eligibility.

I'm not in any way trying to push you one way or the other, you'll work out what's best for you and your baby, but if finances are tight, it might help to know you might not have to shoulder the cost of formula.

I'm not eligible for any benefits or anything like that. My husband earns a good salary but it doesn't go far enough living in the South East.
He didn't cluster feed yesterday afternoon and woke up hungry at 3am. I'm starting to understand I think.

How's it going OP? Are the cluster feeds lessening at all?