Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

Original poster

calling all breastfeeding mothers

17 replies

duvet · 27/04/2004 12:00

I will probably upset a few people starting this discussion but I don?t mean to offend if anything I wish more could be done to help and I just thought it would be interesting to get others opinions. Let me get to the point well sometimes I see newborn babies being completely bottlefed, there?s a part of me that things ahhh isnt a shame they cant have what nature intended now I realise that probably most mothers feel loads of guilt too. Amongst mothers I know though there wasn?t even any effort to give b/f a try, and I just think it?s really sad and frustrating. I only I b/f for six months and wished I carried on longer, there doesn?t seem to be much encouragement or positive thinking about it well in my area anyway perhaps this is the reason why so few attempt it. I remember being so surprised at the first mother and baby group I went to that out of the 11 mothers there I was the only one b/f. That?s not very encouraging to begin with. I realise that some mothers really cannot but it appears that this is the case for the majority not the minority.

What I?m trying to express is that it would be so nice if we lived in a culture where breastfeeding was the norm. I remember that b/f isnt always easy by far but surely bottlefeeding isn?t that much easier is it? And what can we do to change this? Does anyone feel the same?

OP posts:

bunnyrabbit · 27/04/2004 12:52

duvet,
You might want to have a look here as there are several interesting opinions on this subject!!

Tommy · 27/04/2004 14:09

and in today's Guardian on the letters page. Anne Widdecombe, of all people, suggested that bf in opublic was offensive...

MeanBean · 27/04/2004 15:17

Given Widdy's record on the milk of human kindness, hardly surprising!

alexsmum · 27/04/2004 16:08

I know what you mean.When ds2 was born I was put on a ward and I was the only mum b/fing. I have had a horrendous time ..multiple bouts of mastitis , bleeding nipples,thrush et etc.Yet I managed to keep going and now ds is 8 months old and I feel really proud of myself for this.

SoupDragon · 27/04/2004 16:14

The only time I feel sad at a mother's choice of how to feed her baby is when they have not even given breastfeeding a chance or when they have given up because of lack of support from those around them. However, breastfeeding isn't easy and it's not right for everyone for amny different reasons. IMHO it's more important for the mother to be happy and content with her choice of feeding than for breastfeeding to be pushed at all costs.

FWIW, I fed DS1 for 12 months and DS2 for 15. That may make me a candidate for being a mad pro-bf woman but I stll firmly believe that whilst breast is best, having a happy mother is more important.

Blu · 27/04/2004 16:38

Meanbean

tabitha · 27/04/2004 16:46

Sorry if this offends anyone but it annoys me when people say that bottlefeeding mothers should at least give breastfeeding a try. I know that there are lots of good reasons for breastfeeding and these are well-publicised and I agree that women should be given every encouragement to breastfeed but surely if someone decides to bottlefeed then we should accept their decision. I bottlefed dd1 from birth and I think that if anyone had 'told me off' for not giving breastfeeding a try, I would have felt like slapping them. Anyway, rant over, but it's something that annoys me.
In saying that I'm now breastfeeding dd3 who is nearly 3 months and I'm glad that I am. In answer to duvet;s original post, I think that seeing more women breastfeeding in public as though it was a perfectly normal, everyday thing would go a long way to make more women breastfeed. Also an attitude that it's not a disaster to stop breastfeeding and put the baby onto a bottle, if breastfeeding doesn't work out might encourage more people to try. I felt much more guilty having to put ds onto the bottle at 3 weeks, after I got mastitis, than I ever did bottlefeeding dd1 from the start.

LIZS · 27/04/2004 17:06

I live in Switzerland, a culture where breastfeeding a new born is the norm but by 6 months I'm certain it really drops off to mixed feeding at least - I think Mears had gathered some stats a while back. It is more relaxed and evident in public places than UK but maternity leave is short.

kiwisbird · 27/04/2004 17:12

Totally agree more support at birth and immediately afterwards would help.
I b/f both mine easily with no help and am training to be a b/f counsellor too... I know I was lucky
And as for Widdecombe, bless her lycra leghose...
She is only saying that cos she hasn't had the joy as yesome people expect b/f babies not to be fed because it offends the public at large...
Kids aged 15 walk down our High Street with booze and fags in hand, no one says anything to them!
Do they want us to delay our babies sustenance until its convenient for the watching public?
I could go on sooo much!

hercules · 27/04/2004 17:48

kiwisbird- I'm considering training to be a bfc as well. How are you finding it? How much of your time does it take?

MeanBean · 27/04/2004 19:03

I had a nightmare feeding both of mine. The difference was support - with my first one, I had a knowledgeable and supportive HV, who was also a breastfeeding counsellor, and in the end I breast fed him for six months, with my second I had the bog-standard approach and gave up after 2 weeks. And that was after going through the nightmare of the first one (took me 9 weeks to get it right), and thinking that the second would be easier!

Thinking seriously about Widdy and like-minded people, what they really mean when they say that babies shouldn't be breastfed in public, is that mothers of young babies shouldn't be out in public. It really is a lack of understanding of what feeding a child means - the idea that you can wait until you get home reveals the most pig-ignorant level of knowledge about babies and motherhood. But then, motherhood in our society is treated as something separate and cut off from the rest of the world, so Widdy is only expressing a pretty standard viewpoint.

kiwisbird · 27/04/2004 19:41

Hercules... I am pending moving up north a bit so ma leaving it til then to begin
I know someone training through nct who is also doing part time gcses and doing the bfc and running a house so it is pretty flexible!
I think you can also do it via LLL but with them you have to have b/f for 12m+ whereas nct is 6mths+
I've done both but as am involved with NCT quite heavily have opted for that route...

toddlerbob · 27/04/2004 20:16

Wow LLL here is 6m+ and can be more than one child to add up to that.

eddm · 27/04/2004 20:25

We should never criticise anyone for feeding their baby whichever way suits them ? breast or bottle. Yes, breastfeeding has lots of benefits but you don't know whether the mums you see bottlefeeding found it so difficult they stopped, or are taking medicines which contraindicate b/f: whatever our situation we all need support, not criticism.

If it was more common to see women b/f in public it would help to promote b/f as something normal and unexceptional.

Widdy is clearly nuts think she makes up her own letters ? why on earth would someone ask her for b/f advice, exactly?

Caribbeanqueen · 27/04/2004 20:45

I am still breatfeeding at 13 months and not ready to give up yet, but it was a challenge to start with. The hospital I gave birth in (not in this country) gave no advice or help on b/f so I couldn't start for while but luckily I found support from LLL. Even so it was so painful and traumatic for me and dd for about 2 months and I was completely alone having gone back to where I was living, and the doctors there admitted having no b/f expertise at all.

However, I have always b/f in public, discreetly though and continue to do so now dd is older.

I would never criticise another mother for her choice to bottlefeed, but when I look down at dd feeding it fills me with such happiness that I am glad I persevered.

MeanBean · 27/04/2004 23:39

I totally admire you, Caribbean, for being able to breastfeed discreetly in public. For me, discretion didn't come in to it - I was far too incompetent to do anything other than get all the milk into DS's mouth without fountaining it all over the pavement, to worry about whether I was being discreet, indiscreet, or downright obscene. I tried the elegant scarf/ pashmina strategy, but ended up almost garotting myself - how do women breastfeed elegantly and discreetly? And why should they be expected to? I was genuinely incapable of it, but there were times when my need to go out (to buy food for example) and DS's need to be fed co-incided - so the only choice I had was indiscreet feeding. But I have to say, when you have a screaming hungry baby, it's amazing how immune to embarrassment you become!

californiagirl · 28/04/2004 17:08

For me the important key to learning to breastfeed in public (discreetly, eventually) was DH, who quite literally can't imagine why anybody would ever complain, and is visibly ex-army. So far nobody has complained, although one waiter suddenly started trying to serve us from several feet away from the table. I also use a sling, which covers up almost any incompetence on my part, and has not yet tried to garotte me (although we have certainly had some interesting/miserable positions). I find that if the baby starts screaming my competence level dives immediately, so it helps to feel able to do it when she's just starting to be hungry.

My hospital was breastfeeding friendly, and most of the women I know breastfeed, but it's still not easy. I live in the country where a fraction of a second's appearance of a nipple on TV caused months of fracas.

Flip