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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Hating breastfeeding... Continue or stop?

15 replies

Cliffdiver · 18/03/2015 07:35

I'm BFing DD2 12mo, and to say I'm no longer enjoying it is an understatement.

She wants to feed all the time, when we're at home (and out, but more so at home) she'll be pulling my top down and frantically wanting milk. The other day when I was brushing DD1's hair she just pulled down my vest top and latched on Hmm.

I've got to the point where I resent having to 'share' my body, I dread her wanting to feed except when I want a rest and some cake on the sofa.

She messes around when she nurses, twisting, balancing on one leg and fiddling with my other nipple.

I'm a breastfeeding peer supporter and I am in turmoil about whether to continue with this post as I don't feel in the right frame of mind to offer positive advice on breastfeeding.

Stopping BFing would almost certainly be traumatic for DD2, she relies on it so much and refuses bottle and will only take a tiny bit of milk in a cup. I also don't want to end BFing on a negative.

I know I'm really the only one who can answer whether I should continue or stop feeding, but I wanted to offload my feelings, any advice very welcome.

OP posts:
Pusspuss1 · 18/03/2015 07:38

You've done brilliantly to feed for this long, but it's no good going on if you're hating it. What about a compromise of cutting down, maybe to just a morning and evening feed? If my DS is anything to go by, you'd be amazed how quickly she'll adjust and start taking more cows' milk to compensate.

UnikittyInHerBusinessSuit · 18/03/2015 07:41

That sounds really tough. Obviously at 12 months you know your own mind, but the question is how to minimise the trauma of withdrawal. Could you institute an "evening feeds only" policy? Feeds happen only on the sofa after tea, or in a chair in her room after stories or wherever (I think making the special place in your bed would be asking for nighttime wakings).

MillieMagnolia · 18/03/2015 07:44

With my three I stopped at about 10 months with all when they started nipping at my nipple and it hurt. It seems an appropriate time for you to wean her off it now especially if it is becoming a chore and stopping you getting on with other things.

SecretSpy · 18/03/2015 07:52

I went through lots of phases of not being keen until mine self weaned at 2.

It doesn't sound like you hate it as such more that it's not suiting you right now - have you had a look at the Nursing Manners section on Kellymom?

I wonder if the irritating behaviour could be tamed you might feel able to carry on for a bit?

also see if you can borrow How Weaning Happens, it's a La Leche League book that covers mother led weaning as well as term breastfeeding. And please don't feel bad, it's very normal to feel fed up and touched out sometimes Thanks

gamerchick · 18/03/2015 07:54

Ah man I feel your pain. I SO don't miss breastfeeding acrobatics. It's one of the things that make me roll my eyes when people say it's more for the mother when you don't stop at 6 months.

I can't advise you, it's so hard when they rely on it so much. But I would say you need some set in stone you time away from her regularly. It really helps to recharge your batteries.

LetThereBeCupcakes · 18/03/2015 08:00

I felt exactly like this at 12 months - but once we started trying to wean onto cows milk it became clear that DS had CMPI, so I ended up persevering with BFing him. It got a lot better, but now he's 2.1 and I'm REALLY getting fed up!

Weaning older ones is so hard though - especially when they can just help themselves! If you do decide to wean / reduce foods can you wear less accessible clothing for a bit to stop her helping herself?

Original poster
Cliffdiver · 18/03/2015 08:02

Thanks for the replies.

I think trying to cut down is a good idea puss and unikitty, at 12mo DD1 was just having a morning feed, which was perfect for both of us (I know, I shouldn't compare...). Ideally DD2 would have a morning feed and evening cluster feeds between 5.30 and 6.30. I guess I could try wearing clothes during the day that are impossible to breastfeed in.

secret I'll have a look for that book, and have a read through the breastfeeding literature I've got at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cliffdiver · 18/03/2015 08:05

X-post cupcakes I'm planning to go out in a non nursing bra and dress today but probably won't as DD2 only had 2 mouthfuls of porridge and threw her toast on the floor so I'm worried she'll starve.

OP posts:
DragonsDoHiccup · 18/03/2015 08:10

I'm a peer supporter and if you said all that to me I would just repeat your words back to you - you are hating it and want to stop. You can stop if you want to, no one needs to give you permission.

However are you aware that 12-13 months is a big growth spurt sleep regression point. I found it incredibly hard with both mine but it marked a point where they then lost nearly all interest in feeding.

glorious · 18/03/2015 08:15

It's ok to make the right decision for you, please don't feel guilty.

I agree that setting limits and insisting on nursing manners is an option you could consider. I have been very strict with my DD since about 1. If she does something that hurts or really irritates me I De latch her. She got better quite quickly! She's two now.

[waves at cupcakes]

LetThereBeCupcakes · 18/03/2015 09:07

[waves back at glorious] Grin

NeedABumChange · 18/03/2015 09:18

Pan, I'd go cold turkey, she'd be over it in a week and you'd have your body back.

bonkersLFDT20 · 18/03/2015 09:19

Before you make a decision I'd advise you to look into ways to set some boundaries for your DD. She is still pretty young so some of the tips you'd use on an 18 month or 2 year old won't work as well, but it's worth a shot.

If you want to limit BF to just nap and bed time/morning then I think she can learn that. It might be hard for a couple of days, and you may find you can't sit down at all (maybe good to do at a w/e when you've got someone else around and can be out and about!).

Just pull your top down if she tries, explain that Mummy Milk (or whatever you call it) is for nap time and that you'll do something else instead. nb have lots of 'something else insteads' on hand!

Or you tell her, "no, Mummy milk is for when we're upstairs" - that might be an easier association for her to learn. You might need to have some impromptu trips upstairs while you gradually decrease number of feeds, but she'll soon get it.

Nursing a toddler can really be a wonderful way to re-connect after a day of them being rambunctious. To me, it felt like I had to teach my nurslings that there were other ways to comfort themselves - Mummy Milk was the default. They need to learn that cuddles or another person can comfort them as well.

I really felt liberated once my sons got over that stage, though both mine were a bit older.

Original poster
Cliffdiver · 18/03/2015 21:38

I definitely agree with setting some boundaries, I think if BFing was more on 'my terms' and I could discourage her from pulling at my clothes I would enjoy it again.

I had a peer supporter meeting today and discussed my concerns with my supervisor and the other volunteers, it felt good to offload.

OP posts:
SecretSpy · 19/03/2015 14:53

kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/nursing-manners-2/ Nursing manners linky

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