well meaning "advice".

[Cheeriosfortotoro]

Dd2 is nearly 3 months and bf. after a rocky start we are doing ok but she feeds for anywhere between 10 to 30 mins each side every 2 half hours/ 3 hours and is gaining weight well. So all normal I think. But a well meaning relative keeps asking me if I'm timing her feeds to 5/10 mins as she's feeding too much and what about dd1, she needs attention too (2yo)? Feel a bit upset about this 'advice' but every time I see this person they keep saying the same thing. I keep saying that what I'm doing is right for us but I feel like it falls on deaf ears. Im not sure what to say anymore but its really getting to me! I hate confrontation and this person can take things the wrong way. Help!

Timing feeds is long outdated advice. Keep doing what you're doing and saying and try to ignore your well-meaning relative.

The older sibling inevitably watch a bit more cbeebies than normal but it's all good educational stuff :-) Prioritise quality time with dc1 when baby sleeps and maybe read with them while feeding occasionally if you can juggle book and baby :-)

Thank you carrotcake for your reply :). I do all that and I put her to bed with reading and 1 to 1 time so she has that time with me. I just found it hurtful that this person thinks I don't spend enough time with dd1 as I'm feeding dd2. I know I need to ignore and grow a pair but I don't want to upset this person. I know I'm doing the right thing that's what's important.

How annoying. What is stopping you from being clear and assertive with this person? I think by now I would be long past worrying about confrontation, especially if you are likely to find other parenting choices are criticised and commented on over the next few years.

How about next time saying very quietly and firmly 'thanks for your concern, but really it's not up for discussion.' Smile in a non-warm way and then do something or talk about something else. If the relative decides to take offence at that, then tough shit. Pathetic.

Btw, this is not 'well meaning' advice. This is rudeness.

Next time this person gives the "helpful" advice I'd say cheerfully: "Gosh, you seem pretty obsessed with telling me that. Did you know you've given me that same advice each time I see you?"

My MIL is quite repetitive with advice and I said something like that to her. She genuinely hadn't realised she kept saying the same thing. It did shut her up, but still kept us friendly.

I have experienced outdated advice from relatives too. It can be hard to deal with them. They are trying to be helpful (you hope!) but they are relying on the old advice. Regarding Bfing, the current advice is watch the baby, not the clock. You feed on demand as your baby needs it and watch for signs that they have fed well, don't watch the clock. I'd just let this relative know that understanding of BFing has moved on and we now know that you are to watch the baby, not the clock.

Thanks for the replies. I think that maybe they are insecure in their own decisions (parenting and otherwise)and are trying to project them on to me? Even though their grown up children are fit and healthy?! I do need to stand up for myself more. Think I might go with Latium and Lula's advice if they try it again.

Ponder with her how humanity survived before the invention of the clock.

Haha another! I might just do that. Its just getting ridiculous that she won't stop telling me and I can't be assertive. I'm very frustrated at my self. Years of bullying at school destroyed my confidence and I find it hard to assert myself. Iv had councilling but still hate doing it. I end up blurting it all out and it gets me into trouble.