Refusing to breastfeed after a fright

[Gennz]

On his first fed of the day at 7am on Saturday morning, DS (15 weeks) choked on my breastmilk. He gasped for air, and got a bad fright. Since then, he's developed a total aversion to the breast. He screams, arches, pushed me away etc. I can feed him if he's asleep (as in dreamfeed) or just woken up (as in basically half asleep and not quite aware of what's happening) but if he's too awake he won't have a bar of it. It's 3am here and I'mpumping because he was too awake when I got to him for a feed, screamed blue murder when I tried to BF him and just happily sucked down a 160ml bottle of EBM from DH.

I don't know what to do... I'm doing all the stuff that the websites recommend - changing hold, skin to skin, offering the breast at every opportunity - but it makes no difference. If anything he's getting worse. He's always been susceptible to bottle preference so I have been quite strict about never giving him more than one bottle a day & never giving him a bottle myself - only BF from me - but I don't think either of these rules are sustainable with him on an almost total strike.

My MIL said "if he's hungry he'll eat" so helpful which isn't particularly helpful & I don't think starving him into submission is a good idea (even if it worked which I doubt it would). Plus it's boiling hot here at the moment & I really don't want to deprive him of fluid in this weather.

Any tips? Does anyone have any experience of getting their baby back on the boob after an aversion from a fright? He just seems SO set against it I don't know how to coax him back on to it. It's really unpleasant. I have some BM frozen & I can pump for now - I'm not averse to giving him a bit of formula but was hoping we'd be able to be mainly BF-ing a bit longer than 3 months

Oh dear, poor you!

My DS1 didn't have a fright as such but he had a similar aversion but another reason. I've had to coax two babies back to breast for various reasons and the thing that really worked was nipple shields! I think the plastic makes them think you're half bottle. Nipple shields and patience!! Good luck!

Ps I'm sure you wouldn't but don't make him go hungry... Firstly it won't work (IMHO) but more importantly its not nice.

Gennz poor you and poor BabyGennz :(

This will work itself out.

It's only been 2 plus days since the fright.

Gentle, loving, responsive patience without pushing it will do the trick. Try co-bathing and just letting him come to the breast in the water :) Now might be the time to stop offering at every opportunity....just make it available and take the stress and tension out of the situation.

Your MIL's suggestion is daft.

Thanks both. Yes tiktok MIL's child rearing suggestions usually need to be taken with a pile grain of salt.

He rejected the feed this a.m. - was too wide awake when I got him up - but then I managed to feed him by leaning over him as he lay on his changing table. So that's something. He won't have a bar of it if I'm holding him though. So it's not really sustainable as it's hell on my back!

He's on his playmat sucking his fists - hungry or teething? Arrrgghhh it's all such a mission!

And just managed another feed, holding him normally by sitting in his room as he napped and grabbing him as he began to stir from his nap. I am basically ambush breastfeeding!

:)

You are getting there :)

Take it slowly bit by bit, and try to be relaxed about it. I've had to gently coax DD back to the breast three times over the last two months (complex reflux issues) it's hard work, but we are getting there! As others have said, try feeding in the bath, also skin to skin and maybe music or white noise to help him relax?

You say he choked on your milk - do you have an oversupply or overactive letdown problem?

Walk around with him humming loudly and jiggling his bum, that helped with both of mine.

Yes ... The magic jiggle!

Gaaahhhhh - it's not getting any better, really, and it's now 5 days since he first started playing up. I've managed to largely BF him, but only by lurking in his room while he's napping and picking him up & whacking him on the boob at the first sign of stirring. It's not really sustainable! And not great for trying to encourage him not to catnap. Plus this strategy is showing signs of declining success anyway, he really fussed at the dreamfeed last night, and massively kicked off at the 4.30am feed & we had to give him a bottle.

Not 100% sure that's the choking is the reason for the aversion either, I noticed when DH gave him his bedtime bottle last night he was very distractible, jerkily looking around the room - the difference being that DH follows his mouth around with the bottle so he (DS) doesn't really get the cause & effect of looking round = no food. I suspect this may be a contributing factor ... I can't very well follow his mouth round with my boob, they're not quite that stretched out yet So DH will adjust his bottle technique, we'll see how that works out. I think there might be teething happening too, he's very chewy & drooly. The perfect storm!

Thanks for the hum/jiggle suggestions, I will try it - I've always sat down to feed him as he's so wriggly, I'm scared I will drop him!

Yes, I think it is actually quite normal to fuss and pull off around his age. Dd2 was at this a few weeks ago. I didn't know if it was sore gums, needing to burp, reflux. . Or all of the above. It could well be his gums. Try the walking jiggle feed!

I tried the walking jiggle and he lost it! BUT have managed to BF him for all feeds today apart from the 4.30am one (it's 3pm here) by acting super casual, letting him lie on the pillow with dummy in mouth (and then sneakily doiing a switcheroo) & muslin round his face, with boob out but not attempting to feed, dripping milk all over his face & continuously singing Edelweiss. For 40 minutes this morning before I got him to latch on properly. If I never hear that bloody song again it will be too soon.

Sorry not sure if this will help or if you've already tried but maybe feeding lying down facing each other. Co slept with my daughter and during many BF blips this position would work as she was snug and relaxed.
Also as pp mentioned maybe some shields might fox him a bit

We do seem to be making progress ... I was down to just a little bit of crying and fussing at the 5.30 feed and only 5 minutes of Edelweiss.

I'm surprised at how upset I was by the aversion and how determined I was/am to continue BFing. DS has always had a formula bottle at bedtime so I'm not a purist at all but I felt really weird about not getting to at least 6 months. I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that my sister is at her skinniest since high school after BFing her two boys...

Definitely progress and LOL at edelweiss :):)

3.40am and 7.20am feed managed with minimum fuss and no Edelweiss! I think we are nearly there, phew! He's pretty much had me under house arrest this week!

Thanks everyone for all your posts, it's been very helpful to update here when I was feeling strung out. God these babies really put you through your paces don't they!!

:):) all sounds good!!

Well done! "small and whiiiiiiite...!!"