Afraid to try again

[MKG]

I'm due in May (maybe a little early to think about this, but I want to get it out of the way) and my dh has already asked if I'm going to bf the new baby. I tried to bf ds and it was a terrible experience. No support from doctors, nurses, or lactation consultant. Pressure from family (imagine your husband yelling at you and telling you how to breastfeed, and saying "my sisters can do it why can't you") I was so happy and relieved to formula feed it was like a weight had been lifted (once I was 100% sure).

In my heart I know that bfing is the best thing to do for my new baby, but my head is telling me to not even bother. I want to try but it is something I need to get psyched for and it just isn't happening. Does anyone have a way to get over this mental block?

I felt like this too. I really did try 2nd time and it was fine for a couple of days and then I got sore. I sought lots of help which was helpful, but it just was just not for me. Also my DS was wanting more than I could give. Really glad I gave it a good shot as it could have worked.

Do what is right for you and forget what everyone says. (Easier said than done).

Good luck with whatever you decide

My Mum had real problems feeding my older sister and was worried she would have the same problems with me, but she had no problem second time round and went on to feed my twin sisters.
I am no expert on bf (only have one ds 7 month) and I don't know your story, but if you get the right support at the time then you might find you have no problems this time.
Do what you feel happy with, I'm sure your hubby didn't mean to pile so much pressure on you, I think men just feel so helpless as far as childbirth and bf are concerned.
Please don't spend your whole pregnancy worrying about this, you will just put more pressure on yourself. XX

Thanks,

I don't want to spend my whole pregnancy thinking about this I guess it's hard to try something when you utterly failed the first time. The two weeks I tried to bf were the worst of my life. I know my dh was "trying" to be supportive, it's just that since he brought up already I think I'm headed down the same road. I want to get this worked out so I don't need to justify anything to myself or anyone else later on (believe me the looks I got from my inlaws when they found I formula fed, it was like I had two heads)

Is your DH apologetic about how he behaved? What a shitty way to talk to you! Is he like that generally? Good god.

Are there bf classes or similar around? I know our local hospital's BFCs run a course as prep for breastfeeding, and our NCT classes include a two-hour session with a local BFC. If you want to give it another go, you'd be wise to investigate these sorts of options.

Of course, it's entirely your choice, and you don't need to justify a choice to formula feed to anyone.

I too had real problems feeding DS1 and got veryd espondent when he ended up on formula - felt guilty, like I was failure etc etc.

When DS2 was born I decided to give it another go knowing that if it didn't work out, it wasn't actually the end of the world as I thought it was with DS1.

So I did, and it worked so well that I fed him for over a year

This has also just happened with a friend of mine as well - perhaps we were more relaxed second time around or something.

Good luck

I'm so sad to read about your experience MKG. I also had a very difficult time BF and know how hard it can be and how distressing that is. I wasn't supported at the start, it took about 4 days and the luck of finding a kind and experienced midwife when things hit a cruical point.

Mums can be so unprepared for how difficult it is, but you can use this to your advantage of you choose to try again next time.

You can breastfeed. It just takes time and you need support & reassurance - that is essential. If you feel you can try again - and it can be so rewarding and lovely when you eventually get there - you can start organising things now.

You could get in touch with a local breastfeeding counciller and talk things over. Read up on it and so you know what to expect. Get Get your support network in place now and so it's there from day one. Maybe write up a contingency plan for if your baby doesn't latch or has problems latching on - that is what I needed and didn't have.

What your husband said too you, whatever his reasons or emotions at the time, was wrong and so hurtful. Have you ever talked about it? I think it would help so he knows what he has to do to support you next time and your feelings are resolved.

Mumsnet is great for support too.

The cheesey old saying of regretting things you have done and not haven't rings true for this. You are an experienced mum this time. Get prepared and give it a go, if it doesn't work out its on your terms and you will know that you tried. BF can be so rewarding & have so many advatages, once you get over those first weeks or more.

Good luck in whatever you decide. There is support out there and I'm so sorry that you didn't get it this first time around. You are sadly not alone, but it can be different next time.

mkg- all you need to be sucessful at bfing is determination and mumsnet!
good luck!

I've read that women tend to have quite a bit more milk second time around as their bodies know what to do (I mean a read a report of a scientific study, not I read in Hello! or something )