I had my little boy by CS two weeks ago today; there were complications during surgery and I lost a lot of blood. Despite this, I was able to BF in recovery for about an hour, but that was the last time DS ever successfully latched. A 'specialist' spent a grand total of about 15mins with us when I was on the ward - she found a position in which DS latched and then told us we'd have no more problems as long as we continued to use that position (me lying on my side). Couldn't ever get him to do it again. Every attempt to breastfeed ended in DS getting so worked up he was screaming and it'd take ages to calm him down enough to try again so we'd have to top him up with formula - until my milk came in and I started expressing.
I've now been exclusively expressing after two midwives and another two specialists were unable to help me establish breastfeeding - there's no tongue-tie or any other obvious reason why DS won't latch on, but I feel thoroughly awful and gutted about it, especially when left right and centre all I see is people proudly BF, saying it's the most natural thing ever, best for baby etc. It hurts my heart at every feed.
So, perhaps out of guilt I'm expressing around the clock every three hours and I'm already wiped out at two weeks. I had a transfusion after my section, and was also readmitted for a uterine infection. I'm exhausted and emotional. All I wanted was to be able to do what's best for my little boy and I feel so thoroughly let down by my own body. I know that it's not necessarily my fault and sometimes it just doesn't work out. But I feel like I'm pushing my body to its limits to make up for it.
Did anyone exclusively express for any length of time? I just don't want to run myself into the ground, but at the same time I'm finding the BF guilt really hard to cope with.
Any advice/kind words very much appreciated.