Help, trying to cut down bf feeds but ds still won't take formula

[Groveregg]

Sorry but this might be a long one, I am having a really bad few days! I have posted before about this but these few days have really been the worst. Trying to cut out 13-month old ds's afternoon bf feed but it is so upsetting. He now hasn't had an afternoon feed since Saturday; on Sunday dh took him and poked a sippy cup of soya formula into his mouth all afternoon, only to have him gargle it all so it didn't hit the back of his throat and in all he only swallowed 1 fl oz or so at the most. Yesterday I tried but couldn't keep up the gargling act for very long and gave him some soya yoghurt instead (forgot to mention he's allergic to dairy). We have tried Nutramigen and Neocate hypoallergenic formulas too but ds wouldn't touch them either. I am really bothered because mealtimes have turned into a bit of a battleground (as they were for months until a couple of months ago when he finally "got" food) and after a few mouthfuls he refuses everything, except soya yoghurts (and even them too sometimes) which make for extremely squishy nappies. I know it's only been 2 days but the food intake seems to have gone down, plus he's missing out on the milk, and I'm not convinced that he's getting much goodness from what he is eating even though there is calcium in the soya yoghurts. Dh thinks I'm just being too soft and that I should force the formula on him (how can I do that?), even if it means adding some flavouring to it. I am getting really upset with the whole situation and have no idea how to move forward. Is this a normal feeling that I'm having, should I just steel myself to feeling awful about the whole thing for a few days every time I drop a feed? I'm sure I will get lots of replies suggesting I resurrect that bf feed but if anyone can help me take a step in the right direction it would be great.

And now to top it all we've just been to the doctor's to get our 4th lot of antibiotics for impetigo for him in two months. Pinned him to the floor, he gargled it out again and we both burst into tears. I think I should have posted this in the "Feeling Depressed" section...

No wods of wisdom I'm afraid as I can't get formula in mine either but bumping for you

Groveregg - does it have to be now that you're working on this? Seems to me that if it is causing you both distress, and you worry about his nutrition intake, there is every reason why you should just stop.

He can skip an afternoon bf without replacing it with formula, if you are concerned to feel you are making progress reducing his bf.

It is never worth having battles about food. The baby/child always wins. Instead, keep feeding/meals happy and calm. You've already found that out. The fact he has discovered a way to get rid of something he doesn't want - such as the a/biotics - shows that you need to cool it, in order to have a better, long-term outcome, IMO.

I knew you would say that!

In view of the antibiotics which always make him a bit off-colour, I'm probably going to give in to him this afternoon when he starts showing the signs. Maybe it is a bit soon after he dropped his mid-morning feed (9 days ago). I probably need to get him interested in the formula first before I deny him anything. Though how I do that is completely beyond me, any suggestions?

But my concern in all this is when will the right time be? I can't see us going down the self-weaning route (I can imagine having to hang around the school at breaktimes and poking my boob through the gate to him!) and yet it's so easy to postpone it over and over again. I just can't see a way forward and that is what is really depressing me.

Message withdrawn

Why does he need breastmilk replaced by formula at all? None of my children liked milk so they got what they needed in other foods. He could have a couple of feeds dropped and still be getting enough milk I am sure.

Groveregg - why think in terms of 'giving in'....it's not a battle where you concede territory by 'giving in'.

You are helping him, and you, move on to a new stage in your relationship.

If you do give a bf this pm, you are not 'giving in' but accepting that his needs at the moment are more appropriately met by continuing to feed him at this time.

Next week, drop the bf, and don't feel you need to offer formula instead. Give him a snack or something you know he will enjoy.

Feeding at 13 mths does not mean you will be feeding him at school age.....and you know it, really!!

When I weaned my ds onto formula at 5mo, it took about a month for him to start taking it properly. It was fairly hellish as he would have a formula feed of, say, 2oz and then be hungry again quite quickly. The HV just said to persevere with it, which I did, and eventually, he got the hang of it. He was weaned onto a bottle which might have made it more difficult, but I think it must have been at least in part due to the difference in taste and the way in which he was fed. I don't know whether it makes any difference that your ds is on soya formula, but be patient with it and you'll hopefully get there in the end!

Thanks everyone for this. I've just let him bf before a nap and feel a whole lot better for it. I have a horrible tendency to get things a bit out of proportion and I know that ds feels it when I am trying to stuff food into him in a desperate attempt to fill him up. If nothing else, this has been a good practice session for the real thing.

Pitchounette, no not necessarily pushed by dh to stop although he does have trouble understanding why I am finding it so hard. Just going through a bit of a rough patch with the recurring impetigo and antibiotics and what with trying to get him to drink formula or eat extra snacks and avoid bfing it has been feeling like the fun had disappeared. One thing at a time. This is teaching me so much patience!

I am going to keep wafting some formula under his nose every so often over the next few days but very gently, and I like the idea of the non-dairy milk snacks. I bought some rice milk earlier and I think I'm also going to have to get over my fear of soya things; he does love the yoghurt so much even if it makes for runny nappies...