Severe reflux - leave to cry in Moses basket?!

[hanflan]

Hi all. We have a 9 day old with suspected reflux (seen several consultants already about it!) and slowly going insane. We have tried everything so far, infacol, infant gaviscon, ranitidine, special formula, keeping her close to me in a sling during the day, but we cannot sleep with her on our chests at night as we are far too wriggly and do not feel it is safe at all. When we put her down in her crib at night she cries and screams with discomfort for a very very long time. Is is terrible of us to leave her like this so that we can get some sleep?! She does eventually settle, I have just tried everything else to get her to sleep and nothing else works, we are beginning to make silly mistakes due to tiredness... What would you do? Is leaving her to cry (when no other option) terrible?

I had twins with reflux, and my enduring memory of that time is DS - who had the worst reflux and so had to be fed first - screaming and screaming in his Bjorn Bouncer while I fed and changed his sister and couldn't comfort him. It is hideous and you have my complete sympathy.

There are lots of medications you can try so keep on at the doctors - do you have Children's Ward call-back access? We used Domperidone, Ranitiiine, thickener in the milk etc

But also be very aware of CMP allergy and lactose intolerance - going Lacto-Free made a HUGE difference to DS. if you are BF then consider cutting dairy out of your diet. Lacto-free formula was a big help (prescription, the 'comfort' milks on the market tat the time didn't do much for us, although I know there are now newer Reflux-specific formulas).

Do you have a spare room? Could DH go into the spare room so you can make yourself a safe co-sleeping bed?

I've been told the new health guidelines (if baby is breastfed) is to get the mother to cut dairy out of the diet before trying medications because CMPA is such a common reason for reflux.

Go to GP and ask for Nutramigen. It's a hydrolised formula that makes it a lot easier for infants to digest and empty from their stomach quicker, reducing the amount of time they are uncomfortable.

See if you can get omeprazole (SP?) but she may be too young yet.

Agree with PP about lying baby on her front/side.

Sorry you are going through this. Just keep in mind that even though she may cry everywhere, she needs to be comforted by you. She's in pain and even though the pain won't go away when you're holding her she won't feel abandonned and unsafe. I think if you left her alone whilst she was in pain, it may damage her bond with you and potentially her development.

I know it's not what you want to hear but she's so tiny, she needs you. Try and enlist other family members to help during the day so you can catch up on sleep then.

FWIW, this time was especially hard for me. It got to the point where I dreaded going to bed at night and had a few panic attacks. It will pass, I promise.

You say she eventually settles if you leave her. How long does this take and for how long does she sleep then?

have you tried baby tummy massage?
changing to prescription milk (wysoy in my dc day)?
i would keep her upright as much as possible as a reflux sufferer myself
it s the best position but still painfull
i have to sleep fully upright .

Boot DH out of the room to sleep somewhere else, on a blow up mattress on the kitchen floor if there is no other space.

Wedge yourself upright on a stack of firm pillows arranged in a v-shape so the edges go under your elbows. Put something at your feet so you can't slide down. Let the baby sleep on your chest. Chances are that you will only doze but you may be able to move her to her basket/cot when she has digested a little.

9 days in my exp was a very fretful period even without reflux which is why I ended up dozing in this way.

Get to bed early in the evening leaving DH to hold the baby and hand her over to you for feeding later in the evening. MAKE SURE he cannot doze off with her in an unsafe way on the sofa. He needs to be sitting up, not lying on the sofa with her.

Put her to sleep on her side with a towel wedged behind her.

Sorry but the sleep deprivation is fairly normal at this stage with or without reflux and you will feel like the walking dead for a few weeks yet. It's only a lucky few that have babies who don't feed every 3 hrs at 9 days old. Ask for help from family/friends/professionals if affordable to help you both function.

My ds had terrible reflux. What helped was very tight swaddling, a dummy, white noise and a sleepy head pod (you can have this in bed with you with just one of you in the bed). Also persevere with ranitidine as it takes s while to fully kick in. We also had success with cranial oesteopathy.

Thing is, if you leave them lying down it exacerbates the reflux and pain by allowing the acid to flow back up the oesophagus. If she's screaming in pain it's because the acid is damaging her and it will only get worse.

I had a Jane matrix carrycot I could partially incline which was a lifesaver. Do you have a lie flat pram with multiple positions you can strap her in and raise the head a little so she's about 20 degrees up?

You could also ask about pain relief. Paracetamol often helped us through the really bad screaming.

My DS had reflux from birth and the first 12 weeks were pretty rough. My DH and I slept in shifts, I'd go to bed after my dinner at about 7.30/8pm and DH would stay up til 1am, he would then come to bed and I would stay up from 1am. DH would then get up at about 5am and give me a couple of hours sleep before he would then need to leave for work.

We never left DS to cry as it made his reflux worse and we would have choking episodes which were very frightening. If it's any consolation once we got his medication and milk sorted he started sleeping a lot better and now at 20 months sleeps great and has done since about 10 months.

Also search for Living with reflux on facebook, this is a group of mums and dads with children with reflux they have been an amazing support for me and have really helped me get through some difficult times

I have had many babies with reflux. You have to accept - your baby is different to other babies. You are going to have to work harder, get less sleep and have a shitter time than your friends. At other times in your life, your baby will be easier than theirs - for me it was toddlers, probably because my patience had been extended and tested already. Everybody else had angel babies who turned into monsters at 18 months, I had monsters who turned into lovely little people who were no longer in pain.

If you leave the baby to cry, it will make the reflux worse. Babies who are left to cry are often sick. Your baby's early development and attachment means particularly at this age you need to be responsive to cries, even if you cannot comfort her then she can feel your touch and your voice.

Double check she is not overtired - babies with reflux rarely fall asleep by themselves as feeding hurts and may need help e.g. swaddling, rocking, cuddling. Baby will probably only be able to stay awake for 45 minutes during the day, then you have to actually do something to get them to sleep.

No. 1 used to sleep in baby bouncer or car seat for first shift of the night (i.e. till midnight) and then whip into propped up basket. No 2 wouldn't so we slept in shifts. You can survive on just catching an hour here and there. Sling all day crying or not. Get out of the house and who gives a fuck what anyone thinks of her crying - they'll have screaming toddlers soon. Earplugs whilst DP is on 'duty' also help at night.

By the way I never sat in a cafe with any of them as I cannot relax with screaming baby, but I did go to places where other mums with older children and babies were eg. children centre as they tend to be more understanding than people with perfect PFBs :)

I agree with Junior about not being able to sit in a cafe, my DS was happy in the sling as long as we were moving so we would take walks at the local common or if the weather was truly horrendous we would go to a local shopping centre and walk round that.

Ah yes, the joys of the shopping centre, I'd forgotten that! Weather will be warmer soon OP and you and DC will survive this.

Oh my goodness...what a difficult first week and a bit :( :(

How can anyone be sure it is reflux? You have seen 'several consultants' about it - how do they know? You must have been hither and thither and your baby must have had a lot of handling...and all the different medications and milks :(

Is there one person you have seen you trust and who would discuss your options with you? It would be useful if this person heard your plans and your questions about leaving your baby to cry (which is likely to make you and her distressed, does not resolve any reflux - if it is reflux - and which is unkind, IMO), and can come up with a plan whereby you get more sleep and rest?

Do consider if your baby may just be being a new baby, needing comfort and connection. Is returning to breastfeeding an option for you?

Hope you get good help soon.

Both mine were reflux, and it's hell on wheels. But it DOES pass, though it won't feel it while you're in it.

I second the person who said to create a U shape of pillows for yourself, with pillows lifting your head and shoulders and then one or two under each arm, so you can't roll and your arms form a barrier. I did that and they slept on my chest, so they couldn't roll off, for the first 8 weeks each. It's surprising how many people quietly admit they did the same thing, actually. Sure it's not ideal, but nor is a mother so exhausted she can't cross a road safely.

I really wouldn't just leave the baby to cry in the Moses basket at this stage. It's so very, very early and babies this tiny can't really feel safe away from you. You regulate their breathing and body temperature still, if you're near them. But you have to find ways to survive it intact as well. Sleep whenever the baby does - sod anything else, literally. Just feed the baby and have soup or whatever for yourself (easy and quick to eat) and sleep.

Hang on in there. It DOES get better - for both of you. You're not alone. And call Crysis if you start to feel you can't take more, because so many of us have been there that there is a dedicated helpline by and for people in those shoes.

Tiktok one of my DC was diagnosed in first two weeks of life after 2 blue / choking episodes apparently it is quite common in prem babies. Admittedly with the others it wasn't clearly reflux (above and beyond normal new baby vomitting misery).

Aww poor you. It's tough. When you say leave her to cry for a long time how long does she take to go to sleep? A minutes crying can feel like an eternity. Also how long does she go down for when she does sleep? ie is it an exhausted catnap or is it actually long enough for her (and you) to get some rest? The reason I ask is that there is a lot inbetween leaving her to cry and letting her be on you whilst you stay awake. If she's crying anyway when you pick her up, and you've got the crib/basket propped up so she's not flat when you put her down than can you soothe her in that? (have your hand on her, shush her, etc).

Then can your DH not take time off work? He should be entitled to 2 weeks paternity leave. I appreciate there may be reasons why he is at work but are they really more important than you getting a little sleep?

I also agree with the sling/wrap suggestion. DD had reflux (moderate - not severe). I had a wrap and didn't use mine much but I had a few times when dd was inconsolable (for hours) and I found putting her in the sling and walking around finally made her drop off. It wont help you sleep but should give you an hour or two of peace which can make all the difference.

Choking with attendant scary blueness is a serious thing...OP does not mention anything like this, but instead describes crying and screaming which is obviously distressing and needs investigating, but would not be sufficient to diagnose reflux on its own, in a baby this young.

junior , I am not saying reflux cannot be diagnosed at all in very young babies, but it's not clear in the OP's case how the several consultants came to suspect it. Actually, reading the post again, it sounds to me that the jury is still out. This could be a baby who needs comfort, closeness and connection, rather than something physical being fixed. Would be worth considering this, I think.

My youngest suffered terribly with silent reflux, at her worst she screamed non-stop without any naps from 7am til 10pm one day. We ended up in A&E with her that time. You do have my sympathy, it is bloody awful and after a while of listening to nothing but your baby's screams that you don't seem able to stop you start to feel like you're losing your mind. I found myself at the bottom of the garden (the only place I couldn't hear her) and sobbing my heart out as I was at my wits end. Living with reflux is truly, truly shit!

The good news, however, is that it is treatable. We tried gaviscon and ranitidine but neither had any effect for long (after a week to 10 days the screaming and milk refusal was back). She was put on nutramigen 1 formula which helped a little but she was still very unsettled and we finally found the combination of nutramigen aa formula and omeprazole and she is a changed baby!

Silent reflux often goes hand in hand with cows milk protein allergy/intolerance so if your lo is really suffering ask to try some hypo-allergenic formula, that should reduce the reflux a little, maybe even stop it completely. If she is still suffering and the ranitidine isn't helping then ask for omeprazole.

I let my dd sleep on her tummy (she's 7 months now but has done this since newborn), I told her paediatrician that I was doing this and he said if that's the only way she will sleep then let her. Other than that I just held her upright. All. The. Time! I have massive arm muscles now!

Please don't leave your baby to cry, excessive crying makes reflux worse and she needs to know that you will at least try to comfort her. You may feel like nothing you do helps but it will make her feel slightly better just holding her. Dd is extremely loving and close to me as I spent entire days (and many nights) just holding her while she screamed.

It is hard but try to remember it won't last forever once you get the right treatment for it.

Agree tiktok reflux can be overdiagnosed, I was assuming if she has already seen consultants that something serious must have happened. Many babies without reflux will scream a lot and be inefficient feeders at 9 days. A BF baby in my experience at 9 days needs feeding a lot and will therefore be held a lot. I think we need to change our expectations and assume that babies will not want to be put down (my DC taught me this individually :) ) .

Neither of my dds wanted o be out down in a cot at night for the first few weeks it is normal with or without reflux. Both slept in my chest while I was propped up for some or most of each night as DH had to work. I wouldn't have been able to let them cry.

You have tried a large number if things which haven't worked some of which can take a week to work.

If you thi