Breastfeeding baby number 2 -help!

[April52]

Just wondering how many mums have managed to breastfeed their 2nd child whilst looking after an older child too? My daughter is 4 and at nursery 12 hrs (September birthday so won't go to school till this year). Otherwise she is at home with me. I am breastfeeding my second child - three weeks old - and seriously considering giving up by 1 month. Since 5am this morning he has cluster fed and only had a little nap whilst taking daughter to nursery. I'll get a three hour nap from him this aft but then it'll be full on again as I get into tea and bath time for daughter. Husband gets back late and I'm pretty much solo during the week. My baby isn't a bad feeder in fact he's pretty much same as his sister was but while I fed her till 7 months I just don't feel I can devote my full time to breastfeeding this time around. I feel guilty for being constantly distracted and being taken away from my daughter who is coping admirably well and I feel guilty for reluctantly feeding my little one. Did anyone else feel like this? Did you switch to formula much earlier for the second child? Did it help or am I just mistaken thinking formula will give me more predictable/well planned days? Advice please!!

My DS is 5 weeks and DD is 2. His feeding has calmed right down in the past few days which has helped. I have abandoned all screen time limits for DD so she can stay occupied while I feed DS, plus I have learned to snuggle her under one arm with a book, or to tell her a story off the top of my head, while feeding. I feel like DS is getting so much less of my attention than DD did as a baby so I would like to try to bf him at least as long as I did her (4months ebf then 2 more mixed fed!)

Also I expressing one feed a day so DH can give him one bottle a day so I can spend time with DD.

If you persevere the feeds may well space out soon though; if not then switching to formula sounds like the answer, I agree. Good luck, it's a tough phase!

Ah thank you for that sound advice! It's such a hard balance to strike and a difficult decision to make - breast is best but is a more relaxed and in control mummy even better for the two of them? I certainly feel as though the only cuddles DS gets are when he's feeding - I don't have the time or energy left to give him that extra holding that DD got. Also DD is suddenly sharing a mummy who used to really actively play and is now sitting still all day long! I think probably trying to mix feed is my best answer - formula by day and breast overnight and first morning feed. I know they say try to make it to 6 weeks but I think I'll have to gamble on EBF for one more week to a month then introduce the bottle.

I found that after 6 weeks it got easier - DS was used to his sister being there, and she wasn't feeding as constantly. Do you have a sling? I've never managed to feed using one but found that by putting DD in there it lessened the cluster feeding and I could still play properly with DS.

Ds is 4 and Dd is 12 weeks now. I've ebf (she won't take a bottle at all) and got/get through it with lots of Tv or dvds, games you can play with one hand from the sofa (connect 4, colouring, Lego), easy in the oven dinners and when he's available, dh is in charge of all things ds related.

I've gone with a more attachment parenting style with dd, because I've found holding her most all the time keeps her calmer, which makes dealing with ds easier as I'm less stressed.

As pp have said, sling, no limits on screen time and dad doing everything for dc1 when there are the only ways I've found to cope! Plus gallons of tea, lowering standards by a thousand percent and just gritting your teeth to get through it til dc2 gets older. That's been my experience so far with a refluxy 14 week old and a 3 yr old. The only part that's nice really is the enforced sit down to feed. Currently drinking tea and eating biscuits while dd1 watches fireman Sam. ..

Dd1 has gotten really into 'activity' books - the ones with stickers and little puzzles etc. They're easy to engage with from the couch, I recommend. In a little while I will put dd2 into the sling and attempt a minor outing of sorts.

I keep meaning to find time to express a bottle a day but failing. Haven't yet ruled out a bedtime formula bottle but might hold off until 4 months if I can.

Good luck if you try to do ebf, it's hard but doable. Accept all offers of help and food and just forgive yourself if you feel a bit all over the place and not as routiney as with dc1. Tbh I think I would feel all over the place however I fed the baby!

I bf for 15 months with dd1 and only managed 4 months exclusive bf with my second ds. I have swapped to formula with 1 breastfeed a day now at 5 months.
This was partly due to struggling with 2 under 2years and not being able to give my dd enough attention and a very demanding and fussy baby who didn't really enjoy bf'ing (well not during daylight hours and made up for it all night!). I felt a lot of guilt with the swap but in the main think I made the right decision. However bottle feeding is not necessarily easier or quicker! I seem to be constantly making up bottles and each feed takes longer than a bf did. The difference for me is ds can feed out and about (he was too distracted to bf when out) and in tne lounge rather than a darkened,silent room which was hard work! Night time sleep has vastly improved but may have done anyway.

Thanks everyone! It's reassuring to feel that we're all in it together. All your posts have probably kept me going a bit. Had a day of constant feeding but DD has been a delight whilst I've been glued to the sofa. To be honest I forgot that I do quite a lot with her within the limits of feeding DS - she's done stickering, learning to read (which I was against before she started school but she loves it so why not?!) and she's dressed up as a ballerina and danced to a Sesame Street dance DVD! I'll have to stop feeling guilty about calling on family for the more tricky days too. I'll be getting familiar with a sling too thanks for the suggestion! Another day ticked off!

I cannot imagine FFing being easier than BFing with a second baby. The idea of sterilising bottles and all that messing with the typhoon that is 2yo DS1 around gives me the heebies. DS2 is 6mo now and has never had formula and DS1 has been a complete trooper throughout. I'm sure he has atavistic memories of being BFed himself (I fed him until he was 17 months old, DS2 was born when he was 2y 3m) and has always watched in avid interest asking daft questions ('Are those your boobs, mummy?'), summoning me when he hears DS2 grizzling ('Baby eat. Mummy - BOOB!') He comes for a cuddle while I feed, we read stories, occupies himself with his trains or, yes, if necessary, Thomas the Tank Engine on Netflix.

There have been a million instances where I have been so grateful for being able to BF DS2 and thought how FFing would actually have distanced me more from DS1. Two I can think of: when DS2 was a few days old, I was sitting in the bathroom feeding him while DS1 had his bath. DS1 demanded a sudden cuddle and DH wasn't around. I quickly switched DS2 to a one-handed rugby ball hold and scooped DS1 out of the bath and we had a big cuddle. Another time, DS1 wanted me to do drawing with him while I was feeding DS2. A feeding pillow and a couple of well-placed muslins later and I had both hands free to draw. This afternoon, I had a lengthy two-handed Play Doh session with DS1 while DS2 BFed in the sling.

Wouldn't have it any other way

With my second I always tried to feed him at the table on a breastfeeding cushion whilst DD ate following a tip from a friend.

It meant he had 3 feeds in the day where she wasn't watching TV and I could sit and chat with her.

If you're teaching DD to read and have a tablet Reading Eggs is brilliant and perfect for going through whilst your DS feeds.

Ooh thank you SpaghettiMeatballs! Will look for Reading Eggs. We have the Biff, Chip and Kipper books which DD really likes. Could anyone suggest a sling that is good for breastfeeding? I'm not that adept with slings but I'll give it a go!

I use a wrap sling with a little bit of stretch (Wrapsody Stretch Hybrid) so I can tug him down to boob-level as needed. I've also managed it in a Connecta. It depends on your boob size really. A ring sling is the classic breastfeeding-while-babywearing sling but I've never tried one myself. It might be worth going to a sling library or sling meet in your area? They're always a bunch of attachment parenting hippies very au fait with both babywearing and breastfeeding so should have you sorted in no time. You should be able to hire a sling/s for a very small fee to see what works best for you before you buy.

It's a subscription service but it's really worth it IMO. You can get a free trial to see what you think.

It's good because you'll do it with her making sure she understands each exercise and is sounding the phonics correctly but she will do all the button pressing leaving you hands free. We have a laugh over some of the characters in it too.

My dc are 3 months and 2 and I ebf the baby, like others have said screen time has become limitless, tidying has taken a back seat.

I haven't tried formula feeding with either of them but I'd imagine once your past the tricky first few weeks breastfeeding is easier, one less thing to remember to pack when you go out, no washing bottles.

I managed to leave the house the other day with no nappies, for either of them! If I bottle fed it would only be a matter of time before the poor baby ended up with no lunch!

I really glad I found this thread as I've been quite worried about this. I'll have a 20 month age gap and fed DD to 14 months, pretty much exclusively (bar food, obviously).

She's a rough, poke your eyes and head butt you while rolling around in your arms sort of toddler. She loves books though and I'm introducing sticker books this week in preparation ... Four months to go. We'll be getting netflix so will have endless tv I hope.

I've written lots of these tips down.

Elphaba makes a great point - with bf you have at least one hand free, or both if you use a cushion as a pp said, or a sling. With ff you need both really, plus time to wash and sterilise everything. I need to remember that myself!

Love the idea of bf at the table at mealtimes so there are more screen free feeds!

April, how did yesterday go?

It's really tough. I'm nearly at 6 months EBF DS2. DS1 is 3.5. At first he really struggled with my unavailability. But after a difficult spell we've muddled through. He is now much better at bringing things to me, playing on his own, and waiting for baby to nap to play together.

I do feel sad for him at times but try to remember that it is really good for him to learn about the kindness and care we must give smaller humans. I also show him lots of photos (every day) and talk about how I did these things for him too to help him grown strong. It helps that I've got lots of pics of him lying on the breast feeding cushion I'm using now.

Overall I think I'm glad I stuck with it. It's not black and white though so don't blame you thinking about stopping. I'm not sure I'd bf a 3rd...

I think we're doing ok today! After a very awake night - had a 4 hour sleep between 8 and 12 then so hungry he brought back the milk he'd bolted down then got hiccups then 3 nappy changes later went back to sleep from 5 to 7. This has formed the patterns for the night and cluster feeding during the day.

Last night was a bit of a turning point for me and I decided to get it under control a bit now so have looked up the EASY schedule. At 3 weeks, he's too tiny for it now but we are working towards it. I woke him up at 7 for an hour's feed then he was awake and happy but when he got cranky i stuck to my guns an held him close (getting DD ready for nursery) till he fell asleep. Got him up again to feed at 9.30 then gave him a bath. it's the first time he was happy to have a bath. Now i'm giving him another feed (so not quite on EASY but i knew he needed a but more being so little) and ge should sleep for me to pick DD up.

Had the health visitor and he is doing well good weight gain and she is happy with what I'm doing. She suggested a dummy for his windy times when I know he's not hungry but wants to suck ( I have let him feed but that's when he brings it back up again). We might be getting there...

I spoke to someone the other day who maintains that going from 1 little one to 2 is the hardest step. She found her 3rd easier to feed herself. Perhaps the older two could play together whilst she had her attention on the little one?

Hi there congratulations on your newborn! Just wanted to add some more ideas for games you can play with DD1 whilst feeding. I have an almost 4 y old DD and a 3 month old. I was also ready to quit in those early weeks during the cluster feeds. We even tried to go to formula, but it actually leaves you with no hands free to do anything as others have said! Once you're adept at bfeeding you can do loads of things. We play Simon Says, musical statues (I use the remote) , 1-10 different fun 'exercises' she can do around the lounge (think jumping jacks, bear crawling etc) which is great esp when they are bouncing off the walls and need tiring out! Hide and seek with objects around the room (you're the seeker by giving directions and they say hotter, colder etc).. Games like connect four, guess who and matching pairs can all be done with one arm! You do end up knackered! Bt at least you can turn the tv off sometimes this way... (Although we have had our fair share of Netflix back to back marathons!)

Just came across this pic - if only feeding no.2 was as glamorous for us all!

Very beautiful photo it must be said.

I was on Messenger with a friend who didn't like the mental image I gave him when I said I was on FB a lot because I was parked under a breastfeeding child. I said, 'It's OK - this is what I look like right now.'