too hungry/tired to feed?

[nutmegandginger]

I have a 12 week old who has always been a really good feeder. But recently she's been getting into a state where I know she's hungry, but she gets furious and refuses the breast. It's not that she's impatient and can't wait for let-down, because she refuses to latch on at all, and just won't close her mouth around the breast when presented with it but cries instead. As soon as she does latch on the problem is solved, and she will then feed very vigorously (often with flouncy little noises, as though to say 'finally you got round to feeding me'!)

This doesn't happen at every feed, and overall she is still feeding well and producing lots of wet and pooey nappies, so I'm not worried about her health, but it's very stressful for both of us when she cries hysterically and rejects what I know is what she actually wants. I think it happens more when she's tired (but she won't go to sleep because she's also hungry). Often giving her a dummy helps - she will suck on that for a bit and calm down, and then I can whip it out and offer her the breast while she's a bit calmer. Feeding in a quiet environment doesn't appear to make any difference.

Is this some kind of developmental phase? Or a growth spurt (she isn't feeding more than normal as far as I've noticed)? Has anyone else had this with their baby?

My DS is only 4 weeks but he does this sometimes...I try winding, checking he's not got a dirty nappy (and obviously changing it if he has!), holding him in different positions (upright, lying in my arms, on my shoulder, me walking around), giving him my finger to suck for a bit (won't take a dummy) and then try the feed again. It normally either works then, or he sucks for a moment then falls asleep, so I wonder if perhaps the crying is about tiredness rather than hunger when those situations arise.

It's annoying and quite distressing if the crying and boob rage goes on a long time!

Mine sometimes does this. I cuddle and shush her till she is a little calmer, usually works. It peaked at 3 month or so.

My DD is 13 weeks sbd started doing this around the 10 week mark. It's like she is just overtired and can't focus enough to latch on and feed.

I try different feeding positions and also try and feed her up during the day when she's less tired and fussy. It is stressful though because she can turn on a dime from smiley to howling in minutes. And she won't take a dummy either so I have no idea how to calm her if she won't feed bevcause she's tired and won't sleep because she's hungry.

A couple of times I was desperate to feed her so I gave her a bottle of EBM (and once had to even give her formula because I hadn't pumped and she was screaming the house down) and that calmed her down. I think she finds the bottle easy because it's no effort to get the milk out which suggests it's all down to tiredness. My son was FF at this age and he never did this.

I think it must be a developmental stage where they are waking up more to the world and struggling to fall asleep when they want to so are getting overtired easily. Let's hope it's just a passing phase!

My DS would get himself into a right tizzy when overtired around this age and yes definitely would be 'too tired to feed, too hungry to sleep'. I would usually try to make him sleep then feed him in a sleepy state. It's awful though when they are like that! It happened when he just lost the ability to fall asleep himself and I hadn't yet become practised in sleepy signs and the many techniques of getting him to sleep.

When did it ease off with your DS, Redling?

When I prioritised sleep over everything and made him nap every 90 mins so he wouldn't be overtired, but then that's very difficult going out etc so doesn't always work! But all babies are different and you'll see your has a definite 'switch' to tired, eye rubbing, a yawn etc. I also lucked out as he started waking hungry and tended to feed when he woke rather than feeding to sleep. But it happens, today we went out for lunch and when we got back we had a 10 minute 'episode' where he decided he wanted to feed and sleep at the same time! But at nearly 6 months he can also cope when he's tired now, though he still naps 3.5-4 hours a day. It's more that he's grumpy rather than distraught!

Sounds similar to what I am discovering with DD, Redling. Sleep is the key with her but I have a 3 year old too so it's difficult for me to make sure she sleeps when she needs to. She is not easy to settle to sleep at all and wakes up at the slightest sound - the baby carrier has become my only savior here. I really hope it passes soon and she starts to get better at settling to sleep despite noise...

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm more certain that tiredness is the root of the problem (combined with being hungry so she won't sleep). The last couple of days have been a bit better actually (after a major meltdown on Friday!). DD is definitely fighting sleep at the moment in a way she didn't as a newborn, but I think I'm getting a bit better at tricking her to going to sleep. I think she is also getting distracted from being hungry at the moment because the world is suddenly so interesting, so I'm trying to anticipate and feed her anyway to avoid her getting into a furious state when it suddenly catches up with her.

Just a quick tip here based on my recent meeting with the hospital lactation consultant. DD's nursing strike has just been getting worse and she's been very fussy feeding for the two Days.

So it turns out I have a very strong letdown - think jetting across the room! - and the LC was saying that my DD has been finding nursing stressful as a result. This makes sense as it coincides with when I stopped using shields, which slow down the flow of milk.

The LC suggested feeding in a laid back position which I've bern doing today and it has helped a bit. If that doesn't work long term I think I'm just going to start pumping more and using a bottle.

Just something to keep in mind if your baby is a fussy feeder or refusing the breast.