Judgement on BF'ing and Co Sleeping

[CanISayOfHerFace]

I met up with friends on Saturday night and I'm still stewing over some of their comments to me re breastfeeding and co sleeping with my 11 month old DS. I'm not sure why I'm letting it get to me so much.

Comments and questions such as:
"He's STILL sleeping with you?"
"How much longer are you going to BF for?"
"You're just BF'ing for your benefit now"
"Don't you think you should stop
BF'ing before you go back to work in two months?"

Plus a lot of faces.

I think I answered everything in a matter of fact way and managed to keep my cool but the one about doing it for my benefit upset me. I've always tried to do what's best for my baby since he was born and put him first. I've been very supportive of my friends choices and would never dream of asking if they switched to formula for their benefit or their baby's!

I've been left feeling like I'm doing something very strange and even weird when previously I thought I was just doing the best for my little family

Had anyone else experienced this and got any advice on how to deal with it? Or do you just avoid talking about it altogether? I have some very nosy direct friends so am likely to be asked about it again.

Penguins I guess back in her day babies weaned sooner. Darn! In fugly bras for another season.

PickledParsnip I definitely need to practice my Don't You Fucking Dare face. And your friend sounds like a keeper.

Squizita I agree with your mum. BF'ing has been a breeze these past six months and I'm really treasuring the cuddly quiet time now DS is crawling everywhere at 100 miles an hour. I also think it will be a perfect way to comfort him and maintain some normality/familiarity when I have to go back to work in a couple of months and he is at nursery or with my mum.

I am lost for words regarding the person who told you to give up work to avoid miscarriages. Ridiculous and so insensitive.

Cross post with you Willdoitinaminute! What you describe is exactly what I'm hoping for after collecting my DS from my mums/nursery. Thank you, that makes me feel a little but happier about going back

Oh yes, it definitely gets much easier past six months and once they are established on solids. I could probably put DS off and have him 'skip' one of those day feeds quite easily if I wanted to. He just isn't ready to drop them entirely. Squizita - my mum bf me until I 'didn't need milk' at all, which was 9 months. At which time I had been on solids for over six months. I think the weaning schedule was quite early and fast back then!

I am still bf and cosleeping with my 16mo. I don't want to stop cosleeping but will have to soon as DC2 is on the way, but I tend to just ignore the commenters.

They don't live with us,so what business do they have carping on about it?

Each family does things their own way and do what works for them. You carry on and do what you want!

Penguins I made a classic assumption today though. Explained BLW like it was brand new.
She quipped "oh yes we did that. But it was called giving your baby some toast and veggies off your plate in my day! And you didn't have to buy an ... an ... "app" or anything."

There's an app now What the hell does it say.

My mum had been ttold to do puree and was really interested in BLW. But I find the name really cringey now and just say "we went straight to finger foods".

OP learn to drown out the voices its really good practice for when you darling toddler starts whinging or repeating say mum, mum, mummmmm

My friend is still bf and her baby is over a year old. She has had very similar comments as yourself and it does as you say make you stop and think am I actually doing something wrong? Please retrain your brain now as it has only gotten worse for me!

"really you let him eat that?"
"that's far to late for a toddler to go to bed"
"he's not potty trained? really?"
"don't you think he's a bit old for xy or z?"
"he should be in a highchair not sat at the table"
"he spends far to much time with you"

I either do my best fuck off I am not listening smile face and say nothing and change subject. Or say "I know your so right" that shuts them up.

They grow so quickly its scary I have a 20 year old as well, so enjoy your babies and ignore helpful advice from others.

Your boobs, your baby, your bed, your rules!

It's just literature on the Kindle app on my phone! Apple to my mum is still a fruit one puts in pie.

There's a really lovely group on the dreaded Facebook called 'Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond'. Those of you feeling all alone feeding babies older than six months (or -gasp! - a year) might enjoy being part of a group of totally normal mums who just happen to be breastfeeding their babies/toddlers/children.

New mantra... My boobs, my baby, my bed! Thanks University

your welcome. You need to meet up with some likeminded mummies, keep your other friends to of course! You would be very welcome here for a cuppa (Scotland is a maybe a bit far) you could breast feed away while my toddlertastic boy does something dreadful like make a mess helping me make his lunch. He spread the bread today for our sandwiches they had walloping big holes in them but he was so chuffed with himself.

Some people make you feel awful like you are doing something not quite right or dirty. My first son used to always want to get in the bath with me and I remember someone saying there was something totally wrong and weird about that, I think DS was 6 or 7. I didn't walk round the house naked but if he came into my room/bathroom whatever I didn't hold my hands over myself I just carried on getting dressed. We did in time start the knocking on doors etc or if I was in the bath "mum shut your eyes I need to pee"

My eldest DS of 18 yrs sat in the same room while I breast feed his baby brother and he couldn't have cared less.
There will be more upsetting comments (for years and years, I know I am such a joy) so you stay strong and don't ever question yourself or your judgements

World health organisation recommend breastfeeding for the first two years. The NHS recommend breastfeeding for the first year at least. This is because there are documented evidence based health benefits for baby and mum - reduced obesity, diabetes etc.
Before I had my baby (first baby, now 4 months), I wrongly thought weaning took place anytime from 4 months and that once a baby was on solids, they didn't need breast milk. Maybe this is why some people are surprised when mums feed beyond 6months? I plan to continue breastfeeding my baby as long as he wants it in the first year. I haven't decided what will happen beyond this yet. The idea of having to buy and make up formula when one can breast feed seems like a real hassle and unnatural.

"World health organisation recommend breastfeeding for the first two years. The NHS recommend breastfeeding for the first year at least. " In fact, the WHO have it as 'two years and beyond' and there is no upper time recommended for breastfeeding at all, by the NHS.

I've actually been surprised how many beyond 6 months mums do bf. I suppose once it's less frequent and baby/toddler has a snack and some water/juice out and about, how can you tell.
It's only when you're chatting that someone will say "oh I found it hard but got there, then it's ok, friendbaby still has a boob before bed now in fact don't you babe?" (Friendbaby either nods or continues to threenage rage about not being allowed yet another Frozen toy).

After weaning we probably see less BFIng.
But it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

...by which I mean weaning on to solids not off the boob!

University you are a long way from me unfortunately but I could definitely do with meeting some like minded mums. The way you are with your children sounds very like how I was brought up and how I hope to raise my son.

Squizita I don't feed my DS in public anymore because he's too easily distracted, it's much better in a quiet setting at home. Plus it's not like having a tiny baby when feeding on demand is so unpredictable - you have to drop everything and BF wherever you are. I imagine this is the same for a lot of people hence why less people BF in public after 6 months.

My DS, at 11 months old, is on the 98th centile for height. I wonder if I popped down to the local coffee shop and BF what kind of reaction I'd get?!

My DS, at 11 months old, is on the 98th centile for height. I wonder if I popped down to the local coffee shop and BF what kind of reaction I'd get?!

I still feed mine in public at 10 months (short, but heavy and noisy). Haven't noticed any disapproving looks so far but I do feel more uncomfortable feeding her out and about than I did when she was little, so I'm usually trying not to make eye contact now. It does feel like at some unspoken age you pass from 'breastfeeding' to 'still breastfeeding', where people Have Opinions about when/why you should really be stopping that now.

(Although it's harder to be inconspicuous than it was when she was little as well. Fed her yesterday in a very crowded coffee shop, where she was shouting "muhmuhmuh!", yanking at my top while mouthing at my breasts through the cloth, then shoving my top up to my neck while feeding so she could get her hand on my skin... )

I definitely had 6 months in my head as a milestone to aim for, and now I'm wondering where it came from....
I wonder whether it's a mixture of

1. the recommendation that they should have exclusively breastmilk or formula until 6 months
2. endless TV ads about 'if you choose to move on', not sure if they actually mention 6 months on these but maybe the message gets through somehow? On this note, I wonder how the regulators chose 6 months as the cutoff for advertising?
3. In my mum's day they apparently started solids at three months and weaned from breastfeeding onto cow's milk at 6 months so maybe this influences people as she is probably a typical grandparent age.

Imeg it's only "exclusive" because most babies start on solids at 6 months and rightly so as they're biologically ready. Hence they are still bf but also eat solid food and drink water. So not exclusive any more.
The word "exclusive" has different connotations before that eg not mixed feeding.

I wonder if this milestone on the way to weaning off the breast but which may be years before is confusing, or the "formula OR breast" use of exclusive is confused with the logical "if they have some mashed carrot and breast milk, they aren't exclusively eating breast milk" iyswim. Kind of creating an ultimatum that isn't there.

The NHS and Unicef guidance DOESN'T clash. No one would bf for 2+ years without offering solids - and before any solids are given at 6 months it's healthy to only bf. Therefore BOTH apply.

The mumsnet "ebf" may well be an issue here. Sometimes I want to politely mention you can't have an ebf 9 month old who took well to blw. You've just got a bf baby who doesn't have formula with their other non bf foods.

Yes sorry could have phrased that better! Should have said 'only breastmilk and/or formula'. :)

Possible comeback....

Canisay one friend who expresses this sentiment (not about me -she wouldn't dare- but to me about others) still drinks blue Wkd ... I almost want her to say it to someone so they can retort "not as too old as you are for that!"
Mind you I have been known to quip "let's get some cider inside 'er" abd cackle when my holier than though chums see me having half an Aspalls (half!) With dd on the boob.

Love this Squizita. Love cider in fact!

OP - seek out positive role models. I'm anticipating similar from some areas in my life (I plan to bf my DC for a year, maybe more if I can!). Luckily my Mum and best friend BF'd their DC until age three. So I shall be listening to them and thinking of something to shut up the naysayers.
I think your friends were rude. You were very patient to them-you don't owe them an explanation.
I feel like saying "well you can sort out all the bottles/buy the formula/get up in the night to prepare the feed if you feel that strongly about it"