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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I am upset at my mother's take on dd and formula

49 replies

Thomasina · 13/10/2006 14:12

Basically I ff my dd and she is now 5 and rght at top of the weight chart (like, just boderline on danger-of-becoming-overweight). my mum says she isn't fat but is sturdy (says like I was) but it is probably because I ff her.
Anyways, I am really upset and feel terrible. Don't know how I can do anything beyond what I am - she truthfully eats a very healthy diet (with occasional treat), is very active - well, playground every day and swimming etc. she does have a very healthy appetite and will often eat all her tea and still be hungry for more (so give her fruit). can anyone help? feel really gutted about this.

OP posts:

Original poster

Thomasina · 13/10/2006 14:32

lol, Pruni

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 13/10/2006 14:35

I very much doubt that ff a child would lead to her being big so many years on, especially if her diet is good and she is active.

Both my dh and my SIL were formula fed and are very tall, lean and fit. I, OTOH, was bf for nearly 2y, and am obese. Is there a connection? I very much doubt it! And my ds, who was mix-fed, is bang on 50th centile and so slender his trousers fall off, yet dd, whom I bf'd until nearly 2, is above the 91st centile. Is there a connection? Yes, and it's probably genetics!

Skribble · 13/10/2006 14:35

My two are skinny as rakes DS was a huge babby and BF for ages, DD also a good size baby was BF for about 2 weeks but never managed well so FF from then on, therefore I can scientificlty declare it makes not a blind bit of difference .

FioFio · 13/10/2006 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PrettyCandles · 13/10/2006 14:36

BTW, dd isn't fat, she's exactly the right weight for her height - it just happens that both are over 91st centile.

misdee · 13/10/2006 14:37

fio, you can see dd2 ribs now. yukky. she just shoots up all of a sudden, but her weight is still off the charts for her age. she went off them at 6months old, came back onto the 99.9th line for a while, then shot off again. height went off for a while, but she is now just back on the lines.

Original poster

Thomasina · 13/10/2006 14:38

also, I do worry about this new weighing thing they do at school (is it in reception?) - do they tell the CHILD they are such and such weight or do you just get a letter (am hoping it's the latter)... Can distinctly remember being pblicly weighed in school and being SO upset as heavier than my friends.

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lemonaid · 13/10/2006 14:48

There is a statistical relationship between ff and how overweight a child is, but it's not as simplistic as "if you ff a child she will be fat", which seems to be what your mother is suggesting. It's more a case of swaying the odds very slightly in one direction or the other.

From what you say she's borderline on danger-of-becoming-overweight (so not actually overweight), eats healthily and keeps active. It really doesn't sound as though there's a problem. If you are worried then you could look into getting her, or the whole family, involved in some additional sport or activity on a regular basis, but it doesn't sound as though you need to be worried.

Original poster

Thomasina · 13/10/2006 14:50

any ideas what, lemonaid? sport, that is...she swims 1-2 a week, dancing class once a week... rides her bike to school (though it's only 5 mins away)

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Skribble · 13/10/2006 15:04

Thats plenty excersise. Is her weight in proportion to her height? I found my two shot up at about 6yrs.

lemonaid · 13/10/2006 15:12

I am tempted to suggest getting your mother to take her for a 10km bike ride once a week as that might teach her to keep from making "helpful" comments...

TBH it doesn't sound as though she needs to do much more. The only thing I might think about is whether you all do the activity as a family -- Some study somewhere that I read (I'm dead specific in my citations, me) said that whole-family participation is a significant factor in keeping going with exercise into the teenage years. And that only springs to mind because I;m guiltily aware that it's something I need to work on myself. I really don't think you need to worry.

schneebly · 13/10/2006 15:22

Thomasina - my DS is only 3 and he is 3 stone and the HV says he is perfectly healthy for his height and build. Dont let your mother pass on the same insecurities to your daughter that you had.

Peridot30 · 13/10/2006 15:34

Agree with Lulumama. Both my children were ff and are not anything like each other height wise or build.

Mums What are they like always putting their feet in it. My mum the same but doesn't mean to be nasty just being honest (in her opinion!!!)

Original poster

Thomasina · 13/10/2006 15:35

hmmm, lemonaid - we all go swmming together once a week and go for regular walks and bike rides. may do rollerskating with her but think she's a bit young. forgot to mention she goes horse-riding too.

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bluejelly · 13/10/2006 15:37

She sounds v active

BloodRedRubyRioja · 13/10/2006 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lemonaid · 13/10/2006 15:46

There you go, then. Nothing at all to worry about.

Spanna · 13/10/2006 16:39

Just because there is a statistical relationship between FF and becoming overweight DOES NOT MEAN that FF causes it. There could be lots of other factors at play e.g. social class/education etc. Also surely the more exercise your child does, the more they will need to eat!!! If they are eating healthy food, they cannot overeat, according to my HV.
I found out with my 2 that the best way to not worry about their height/weight etc is to not measure or weigh them. I had this worry with my DD who has always been a petite fairy girl, but me and DP are both small. Some days she eats next to nothing, some days she eats like a teenage boy. You know if they are healthy and if they are growing better than the HV/school nurses do!!

MrsSpoon · 13/10/2006 16:43

I BF both my DSs and DS1 is skinny as a rake but DS2 (who was BF for much longer) is a chunky monkey.

pesha · 13/10/2006 16:56

My dd (bf til 6 months) is ever so petite and i worried alot when she was younger but she's so obviously healthy its just her build and ds (bf til 8 months) was quite chunky as a baby and has now slimmed down abit but still a very sturdy solid build. Its just the way they are.

But if you're worried about her having issues about her weight then i would have thought the main thing is to try not to worry about it and try and do everything you can to make her feel she's perfect just the way she is, whatever weight.

Oh and re the school weighing thing, my dd was weighed last year in reception, they sent letter home first saying what was happening and giving the option to say no (I think they did anyway, pg brain abit mush at mo!) and she was weighed in a seperate room and wasn't told what her weight was, nor was i, its just for their records.

Pruni · 13/10/2006 17:29

Message withdrawn

tiktok · 13/10/2006 17:32

On a population level, formula feeding is associated with obesity - the best studies into this control for factors like deprivation, mother's own weight, ethnicity and so on. But you cannot predict what the effect will be in any one child. Some studies show a very modest effect, too. In any case, we know overweight is probably multi-factorial and very individual.

The point, I wuld say, Thomasina, is not whether your mother is right (she may well be wrong about her perception of your dd, anyway), but her insensitivity in commenting in the way she did - it was a horrible thing to say, and I wonder if she knew how upset you would be. Can you tell her how terrible she made you feel?

Original poster

Thomasina · 13/10/2006 18:03

Yeah maybe I will speak to her properly about it - she wasn't trying to be horrible, quite the opposite really.

In the meantime, I find this very annoying - dd's school give the children a sticker if they finish all their lunch. Thought the whole thing was to learn to stop when you're full! Should I raise it at parents' evening or am I being silly (I find it hard to know what's reasonable or not when it comes to food/weight issues!)

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lemonaid · 13/10/2006 18:08

No, I think you're right. A sticker for trying a little bit of each of the vegetables, yes. A sticker for finishing everything, no, IMO.

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