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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Had a row with my Father about me continuing to bf my toddler twins last night

30 replies

Overrun · 10/10/2006 15:34

I feel really pissed off with him, I have always known that he is not keen, but then so what, its not any of his business and we have never discussed it properly before now.
The two things that were said that got to me the most and that I would like feed back for are as follows:
He tried to jusify it by saying that he is worried about my health as I tend to be ill for most of the Autumn and Winter with Asthma made worse by viruses. Is it really true that bf 23 monthers will make me run down?
Also, when I cited the health benefits he retorted that my children are alwasy ill anyway so it is obviously not working. This was what really hurt, ds1 has Asthma and I stopped at 13 months with him, the twins also seem to lean that way, but they are a lot less severe than ds1. My argument was that who knows what they might have been like if I hadn't bf them.
Any support, information or reassurance would be gratefully received.

OP posts:
Iklboo · 10/10/2006 15:36

Tell him its not of his business. Which it isn't.

bluejelly · 10/10/2006 15:36

Since when was he the expert on bf?
He's wrong. Ignore him and carry on as long as you want. It has been proven that bf helps reduce the severity and incidence of allergies such as asthma and excema.

tribpot · 10/10/2006 15:37

I think being ill autumn and winter is a condition known as "mum of small children-itis". I have never been so ill as my life as I am now that ds (15 months) is being afflicted by all manner of germs.

It's impossible to say 'what might have been' if you hadn't bfed but all the evidence suggests you're right, and that it's better for them to bf than not, for as long as you are happy to continue.

Original poster
Overrun · 10/10/2006 15:39

Thank you thank you, thats exactly what I needed to hear. Ignorant bugger. Believe me I stuck up for myself at the time, but have just felt a little low about it today.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 10/10/2006 15:44

Don't let it get you down. you are doing something marvellous for your kids. They may not thank you now but they will in later life ( when they understand what it's all about!)

bluejelly · 10/10/2006 15:45

Also point him the direction of the WHO website which recommends bf until at least age 2

Original poster
Overrun · 10/10/2006 15:56

I would but I know he wouldn't read it bluejelly, far too arrogant a man to actually research something before passing judgement on it

OP posts:
happybiggirl · 10/10/2006 15:59

Message withdrawn

anniediv · 10/10/2006 16:03

At least he's interested, my Dad avoids all reference to anything like that! Think I agree with other poster who said maybe he's just concerned, think about the sentiment he's expressing (eg I'm worried about you) rather than the words he's using to say it.

On the other hand, would also be thinking 'butt out'.

katierocket · 10/10/2006 16:06

What a stupid thing to say. Try not to let it get to you. And well done you for feeding them yourself for so long.

oooggs · 10/10/2006 16:07

Overrun - I am impressed that you are still bf-ing your twins. I am due twins March/April and would love to bf and you have inspired me.

Thank you

TiggernPooh2 · 10/10/2006 16:21

Well done for sticking up for yourself and children. agree with what has been said i.e. BF helping with allergies etc. Its all good. I am still bf my one year old and hope to do so for as long as poss.

GhoulsToo · 10/10/2006 16:31

you have to decide whether he is really being insensitive or does he really have your best interests at heart and respond accordingly.

At the end of the day you should do what YOU want to do.

Good luck.

Original poster
Overrun · 10/10/2006 16:45

Thanks again, all the posters who have said that he has my best interests at heart are right. It is sweet that he still worries, but the way he expresses himself his so obnoxious (a long running problem I am afraid), just makes me mad.
I'm glad that oooogs, really pleased about that, I think if you can bf with twins it is somehow more important to have that quality time with them iyswim
I just feel that (esp when I feed them seperately) that they get a lot out of it. I dont have a huge amount of time for them, but they have this special time

OP posts:
thebigbadmouse · 10/10/2006 17:57

If you google 'toddler nursing' or try the section on toddler nursing on www.kellymom.com there are loads of good 'factsheets' on why it's a good thing to do for you and the toddlers - maybe it will help him if he really understands the evidence behind your decision?

3andnomore · 10/10/2006 23:20

grrrrrrrrr, I know he is your dad, but he obviously is blinking clueless!
Honestly, at the age your tots are, they probably don't feed all that much, and anyway, even if they would it can't be that bad for your Health, in the 3. world women breastfeed a long time and very often, and I really don't believe that that is their main health concern, lol!
And, well, as for how much healthbenefit your milk has, well, there is no way of knowing how many MORE orbs your Kids would ave if you wouldn't bf...thing is you have asthma so there is a bigger chance for your Kids to get it, no matter how you feed, but you may well be able to avoid other probs!
But anyway, non of his beeswax, if you are happy bf and your Kids are, too...it's your business and yours alone!¬

FarMARSWarrick · 10/10/2006 23:22

Overrun... but for the fact that he is your father I would tell him that the second word is off. However, as he is your father simply say, thanks for your concern dad but I'm happy with my lot!

Wordsmith · 10/10/2006 23:25

Point out that all the experts agree that you are doing what is best for your children. And unless you do start deteriorating health wise (and can't see any reason why you should unless you bf outside naked in a force 10 snowstorm, when you might get a bit of a chill)you'd rather carry on, thanks Dad. Be polite but leave him n no doubt that they're your children and it's up to you what you do.

edam · 10/10/2006 23:29

He knows nothing about b/f so you can safely ignore the content of his comments - just tell him he's wrong and he can look up kellymom or the WHO website if he wants to argue the toss. Although if you do want a piece of trivia to distract him, tell him Shakespeare wrote that Juliet was b/f until age three (by her nurse, though).

Agree that possibly he's just worried about you though, albeit expressing this clumsily. How long is it since you've had your asthma reviewed? Your GP or practice asthma nurse should be checking out your symptoms/treatment at least annually.

Maybe the best thing to say would be along the lines of 'Dad, I know you worry about me, what's this really about?'

lucy5 · 10/10/2006 23:29

Tell him, when he can breastfeed then he can have an opinion!

tutu100 · 10/10/2006 23:43

Just another point that many people foget. Breastfeeding is actually beneficial to the mothers health and can help reduce the risk of some cancers. So you are doing not only your twins good but also yourself.

Original poster
Overrun · 11/10/2006 22:42

Thanks every one, Edam I have to say that the gps all think that I should give up as well. They find out when they prescribe me something and I have to say can I take that while bfing, cue incredulous look at my toddler twins
My Asthma is monitored but I am unlucky in that it is poorly controlled and I do get really ill despite all the medication etc

OP posts:
mozhe · 11/10/2006 23:04

Hey you are doing good...and it will not affect your health, just make sure you eat healthily with plenty of fresh fruit and veg. I've breastfed all of my DSsx3 'til 2-2.5 and am currently feeding twim DDs aged 5 months.Relax and enjoy you can do it !

tigertum · 11/10/2006 23:36

Feel really for you. You are right to totally ignore him.

I have cut and pasted all of the following claims from Kelly Mom website where they all backed up by proper, recognised clinical studies. If your Dad thinks he know's better than the professional scientists who have carried out these tudies then that's his own problem. You know in your heart of hearts that you are doing what's right for you and your toddlers. Your Dad's dislike of what you are doing must be very hurtful. He probably has all kinds of reasons for not approving, but these are likely to be complicated, deep-seated and NOTHING to do with you.

My advice would be to ignore him, pitty him for his ignorance and relish in the fact that you are a stong person, doing what is right for you and your children and all of you are benefiting from it in.

Benefits for you...

  1. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast cancer. Studies have found a significant inverse association between duration of lactation and breast cancer risk.
  2. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of ovarian cancer.
  3. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of uterine cancer.
  4. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of endometrial cancer.
  5. Breastfeeding protects against osteoporosis. During lactation a mother may experience decreases of bone mineral. A nursing mom's bone mineral density may be reduced in the whole body by 1 to 2 percent while she is still nursing. This is gained back, and bone mineral density may actually increase, when the baby is weaned from the breast. This is not dependent on additional calcium supplementation in the mother's diet.
  6. Breastfeeding reduces the risk of rheumatoid arthritis.
  7. Breastfeeding has been shown to decrease insulin requirements in diabetic women.
  8. Breastfeeding mums tend to lose weight easier.

And as for your toddlers...

Nursing toddlers benefit NUTRITIONALLY
Nursing toddlers are SICK LESS OFTEN
Nursing toddlers have FEWER ALLERGIES
Nursing toddlers are SMART
Nursing toddlers are WELL ADJUSTED SOCIALLY
Nursing a toddler is NORMAL
Add to that the nutritional safetynet provided by Breastfeeding ( Iread that 400ml provides about 50% of babies nutritional needs past 1 year)
Add to that the feel-good factor. All those positive, feel-good hormones that course through your veins when BF.

Here's a nice article...
www.treehuggermums.co.uk/articles/breastfeeding/article.php?article=110

Keep smiling and try not to let it get to you

darlink · 12/10/2006 00:15

well done you on keeping going with twins.
Don't be put off by your father.

You are doing something wonderful for your little ones.

Feel proud!