facts to make an informed choice....

[popsycal]

I am hestitating a little about srtarting this thread.....please please please keep it uncontentious.....

My sister is pregnant and will not breast feed as it 'isn't for her'. I am all for choice but genuinely believe that 'breast is best'. It is also a personal issue for me as I am still feeding my 19 month old.

She knows very little about breast feeding but seems to have made up her mind...and I can't help thinking it is at least, in part, to her knowledge of my ds2's dreadful sleeping habits.

So:

1. where can i find some good factual information about breast feeding that isn't 'preachy'?
2. how can I put my own experiences across alongside the facts to persuade her to at least consider it?

It is her choice, but I think it should be at least an informed choice....

we are really quite close and i dont think she would feel 'got at' - she would tell me if she did!!!

i will leave it for a bit and let her get used to things
plenty time

oh popsycal i understand. i come from a family of breastfeeders, and when someone in the family dismisses it without the facts (comments like, 'seeing you feed your baby put me off' as dd2 was so so hungrey all the time), you want to just give them the facts there and then but need to step carefully.

i think the cons of bottle feeding put me off it totally this time roumd. i had bottle fed dd1+2, but am extended b/f with dd3.

the faff of making bottles up. urgh.

the cost of formula, its actaully around £6+ a tin, once they get onto 8oz bottles you go through more than a tin a week.

how heavey your baby bag will be for a day out.

trying to get places to warm bottles up if your baby wont take a cold one.

worrying in the height of summer about keeping the bottles cool enough to be out all day without all the milk going off.

washing up those teats and steralising etc.

i am just too lazy to bottle feed lol.

My little sister asked me for a fair bit of advice when she was pg and I'd tell her all sorts of pearls of wisdom before eventually confessing that all the info was off MN [grin}. I think up till then she thought I was some kind of oracle.

just bite your tongue popsy - unless you really want to fall out with her!

or you could 'stage' a demonstration for her. my friend who is ttc at the moment said she had two friends visit her one day, both with babies. one was bfding, the other bottle-feeding.

the friend who is ttc said she was amazed how easy and quick the bfeeding was compared to all the sterilising shenanigans of the bottlefeeding mum.

it convinced her on the spot that bfeeding was the one for her!

you could also throw in that in bfeeding you stand to save between £600 and £700 a year! quite a powerful argument!

mammaduck, the reason most (not all) people who choose to breastfeed do so hardly ever has anything to do with saving money, or the hassle of bottles...it's something they want to do from the heart, because it is a lovely thing to do for a baby. They may then rationalise it with health and financial and other arguments, but mostly, it's not really anything to do with that.

If you are close to your sister, tell her you want to share with her that it's a good experience and you would not like her to miss out on it. You can offer to share as much information with her as she wants beyond that, and then judge for yourself how far to push it.

As her pg goes on, she may change her mind about being so sure it is not for her

Popsy, how about getting the book Bestfeeding: getting breastfeeding right for you which you could then lend to her as a 'by the by'. I didn't have this before I had ds but I sure wish I had had (although still bf at 11 months and no thought of stopping yet!).

Popsy, I understand you are trying to do the best for your sister and that you have her baby's best interests at heart. However, I would urge you to let her make her own decision in her own time.

I'm 20+4 with my first baby, and (shoot me down in flames) at the moment, breastfeeding really doesn't appeal to me, even though I have read all the facts and know it's what's best for my baby. I'm not a selfish person by any stretch of the imagination, but I have very sensitive breasts and nipples (nothing to do with pregnancy - they have always been like this) and the thought of my nipples being sucked gives me the same reaction as some people get from hearing fingernails scraped down a blackboard. To have to go through the feeding process 12-15 times a day initially fills me with dread - especially when coupled with everything I have read about how difficult breastfeeding can be and how painful in the first few weeks.

I'm not completely ruling it out, but I know that for it to work requires 100% commitment as the going may be tough, and a real determination to succeed no matter what. I will certainly try to give my baby colostrum at least, but if I'm not comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding and don't feel happy about it, then I will use formula and will not feel or be made to feel guilty about my decision. Myself and my brother were both bottle-fed and are two of the fittest, healthiest individuals you could come across: I haven't even had a cold in over two years.

If anything, people constantly telling me how "breast is best" and attempting to equip me with the 'facts' (which I already know) and the supposed 'evils' of formula would only make me more determined to formula-feed. The sanctimonious pro-breastfeeding lobby can get really irritating!

I hope I haven't offended anyone and I believe that it's every woman's right to decide what's best for her baby (and herself). If women want to breastfeed then brilliant; I agree that the benefits probably do outweigh bottle feeding - but no-one should be made to feel bad because they choose not to.

Hi there,
just got hold of 2 informative readsHave not read all posts, so, if they are doubles I apologise!
theecologistlink
salonlink

Current BUn, can I just say, my nipples are always really sensitive, but in that respect I never had probs when bf...I always think it is worth a try anyway
If you don't try it then you won't know if you like it!
Or the commercial slogan try it the buy it

3andnomore, fair comment but I'm still not convinced I want to even try. From a selfish perspective I kind of want my body back once the baby's born and I certainly don't want humungous, leaking breasts for months on end. For me personally, I just feel that bottle feeding will work better and be more flexible.

I ff ds after having to stop bf after a couple of days. My sil decided to go straight for ff. Because I felt cheated that I could no longer carry on bf I was initially peed off that sil wouldnt even consider it.

The only reason I didnt 'go there' was because I had an em c section (she had an elective) and had already battled with myself over this issue. I had time to think and realise that my sil was an intelligent adult, able to make her own decisions.

I apreciate that you love and care for your sister very much, but I think you should leave this one.

bf vs ff has always and will always be a highly emotive issue. There is absolutely no doubt that breast is best for baby, but it is not always best for mom. I ff both of my babies after a horrendous time with bf. Even though in my heart of hearts I know that i made the best (and only) decision for all parties I still feel wracked with guilt. There is so much support for bf moms, but very little for ff. I think this and the associated guilt sometimes backfires and can push some moms into ff. Bf is initially difficult (i'm sure i'll get no arguments there) and the best way to make is easier is to be relaxed. If she will consider bf at least initially for the 'colostrum benefits' which I did with an open and relaxed mind to ff when she wants then you may find that it becomes more pleasurable and easy for her to continue bf. In short I think I'm just saying support her. The biggest drawback to ff? - GUILT

I completely agree with some other posters that even though there may be real facts out there, it will be really tricky and may even be impossible to get them across. Only the OP can navigate that though based on knowing her own sister. Tbh I would feel insulted and patronised if my sister just shut up and didn't tell me something that she'd found relevant to her own decision, at the time I made mine, even if I thought that that something didn't exist before I found out. If it actually did exist and I hadn't realised, I'd see my sister telling me about it (tactfully) as a good thing. But that's me and my sister - all family relationships like that are different.

Unfortunately by the mere act of having BF already you (the OP) have become in most people's eyes fundamentally untrustworthy on issues of infant feeding. Sad but true. You now have an agenda, you know - what you say must be taken with a pinch of salt, and innocent new mums/pregnant women must be protected from you. You can have nothing to say they might actually be glad to hear - everyone knows all you want to do is make them feel guilty .

Anyway, good luck - it is really tricky. A younger sister of mine did BF very happily and needed no extra info from me, but I still found any conversation about it difficult because of the above. Don't ask me why my opinion on babygros or nappies or stretch mark creams was taken at face value (as just another opinion, coming up in general conversation, to go into the mix with everyone else's), while my opinion on anything related to feeding was viewed as slightly suspect and biased (one that didn't quite deserve to make it into the mix with other general opinions, but rather to be treated slightly as propaganda), but that's how it seemed to be! So it is difficult, and maybe you will be best leaving it alone - but I say that just because it is a tricky issue, not because I think your sister has clearly made an informed decision already, and because I think you'll be trying to force her to change it due to your evil BF agenda. There probably are facts that she might be glad to hear but you may never find a way to get them across to her, practically.

I've found this thread really interesting! I bf both mine until about 15 months and it was obviously a personal decision. I really, really struggled second time around, which was totally unexpected (thought I was a pro!!) but persevered, did a lot of expressing and gritted my teeth!
I'm glad I did it, like I say it was my choice and I don't believe your a lesser mother just because you choose not to do it.
Could you say to your sis, 'I know you're not keen and whatever you decide I will be a very caring Auntie and help whenever you need it' or something similar? I'm sure if she doesn't have to feel defensive, as well as coping with pregnancy hormones (!), then she might be more inclined to ask you for a bit more info...
Good luck!

Hey Popsy,

I always intended to bf and I am bf my 1st dd now 5 months still going strong. You mentioned the sleep thing may be part of the prob, if you need a good example dd slept from about 8weeks from 7.30pm until 5am and she created the routine all herself (I know every baby is different). Just a little success story...but I do like fireflighty's point where mums to be are concerned, that mums are taken with a pinch of salt. {grin} its so true.
I think you should talk to her about it as you don?t seem to want to approach her guns blazing. It?s definitely her choice but I think you are right she needs to be informed to make the right choice for her, after all it is such a beautiful thing and I personally love it. Most mums I speak to who didn?t (including my mum) now wish they had and have a bit of regret not at least trying...but sure like everything it?s not for everyone.
Good luck to you and your sis.