will adding formula make my life easier?

[amijee]

Hi there

My ds is 10.5 weeks old and is having 12-13 feeds in 24 hrs, day and night with only one long stretch early evening. As the night progresses, the feeding intervals become closer and closer together so that by the time he is awake and ready to greet the world mum is wanting to curl up under her duvet and hibernate!

I am due to go back to work in under 2 mths and have a stressful job working long hrs. I can cope with being this exhausted now but not when I go back to work. I've started wondering about adding formula in about a mth's time to see if it will space out his feeds more both day and night. I feel really unhappy about doing so as I love breast feeding and feel really guilty about not breast feeding exclusively until he is 6 mths age ( he will be about 3.5 mths) If I was at home all the time I would definitely feed him until he was a year.

I'd really like some OBJECTIVE thoughts on this - not just people telling me I can express at work blah blah. I know all this - it's my mental functioning i am aiming to preserve not the logistics of breast feeding whilst working! I know there have been threads similar to this before but I really would like to hear from formula feeders as well as breast feeders. Thanks for your help x

I started introducing formula a month before i went back to work but breast fed in the morning and in the evening but gave bottle last feed to help him sleep through the night.My ds breast fed every 2hours i did find this worked and i got more sleep it is definately mentally draining

thanks runkid - very helpful x

You don't need to still be feeding so often at this age. There is nothing wrong with extending the gap between feeds, a little at a time, until he goes roughly 3h between feeds. You don't need to feed him every time he grumbles. Use a dummy or your finger, or soothe him in any way you can to get him to go another 5min before feeding him again, then another 10m and so on. I did this with my children and it was very effective. They settled on roughly 3.5h gaps between the feeds, with some closer together and some further apart. It will make a huge difference, and you will be less exhausted and able to reassess what you want to do about bfing when you return to work. Please, if you like and are happy bfing, don't go the apparently easier route of ff - give bfing another chance.

Message withdrawn

Are you sleeping with him? Is that an option? I found the night feeds v draining, but as I slept with DS2, I at least wasn't really awake for them.

I don't know much about formula, never really used it. They do space out their feeds more and more, they do get better at sleeping at night, as time goes on.

Hi amijee, I remember how exhausting that stage can be. It does get better, honest. But I know that feeling of being under pressure getting back to work. I can't promise that formula will be a magic bullet but it does take longer to digest. I added in one bottle a night at a slightly earlier stage and it did work for us. But I know it can affect supply.

pretty candles - i tried all that already - doesn't work. He is genuinely wanting food this frequently and the days I did try to extend him, my night was even worse! ( presumably making up for lost food in day)

Don't wanna co sleep - I can't sleep properly if I do this ( neither can dh) and I don't want him to learn to sleep on the breast ( after having read the sleep threads - so many probs from doing this!!)

I live in hope that it'll be better in a mth but tbh I have been doing this since he was born and he is probably one of those babies I read about on mn who feed 2 hourly at the age of 6 mths!!

thanks edam for your honest advice - know it can affect supply but happy to express at same time.

Thing is, expressing isn't as efficient as a baby is so won't maintain your supply as it would if he was feeding. My ds was a marathon feeder too so I sympathise. And I know it is possible to go back to work, express and keep on b/f but it wasn't something I felt able to do (although I was relatively lucky not to be going back until he was 7 mos).

In two months time he may well be spacing his feeds out more/feeding more efficiently ie for shorter periods anyway. There's always hope!

Actually, how long are his feeds? Not clear from your post if he's only feeding for short periods and that's why he's feeding so often? If he's snacking and then getting hungry again soon after, maybe you need to talk to a b/f counsellor to get advice on keeping him on for longer (I'm assuming you know all the tips about stopping him falling asleep during feeds, for instance).

amijee, my DD1 feed all the time like this - it was exhausting however, I was off for 7 mths & so feed her non-stop until I started weaning (on to solids) at 24 weeks. Also she was ALWAYS rooting, on me, on any one that held her.

What was interesting was she never really gained much weight, hovering around/under the 25th centile.

Having had DD2, who is a completely different feeder, I do wonder if there was something that was making her uncomfortble, so she felt she had to suck to make her feel better. She did suffer from being constipated within her first year & I did take her to an cranial osteopath who picked up on tension in her head.

As she was ventouse, I wonder if she had a permenant headache .

How is your DS's weight gain ? how was your birth ? do you think he might benefit from some cranial work ? If so, your Dr can usually recommend one.

I swore that if my next child was like that, I try anything to resolve it. Hence I now have a drawerful of unused dummies !

I feel for you & really think that if something is causing him discomfort, formula won't improve it.

he's a pretty happy, normal kid! Delivery was excellent ( completely natural) he poos well, brings wind up well (now) his weight gain is excellent and has jumped from the 3rd to 25th centile since birth. He feeds for anything from 5 to 15 mins ( usually 10) and is a very efficient sucker! I don't think there are any breast feeding issues that need to be sorted out - it's just him!

Perhaps this is a controversial suggestions - I'm not a BFC, just a mum who breastfed - but why don't you try taking Fenugreek to boost your milk supply?

It worked well for me - I could feel the increase in milk, and could see dd's greater satisfaction with feeds.

Fenugreek discussed on a good breastfeeding site here .

if anything, I have an overactive supply already! I leak a lot and have very fast let down.

hi amijee - maybe it's the fast let down that's the problem - I read on Kellymom.com that if your let down is v. fast (me too..), then it can be that the baby is just getting foremilk and not enough hindmilk, and so is hungry quicker after a feed. I think you advised me this on my thread yesterday (!), but you could express first before feeding just so the letdown is out so he doesn't drown in the foremilk!

If you have an overactive supply, then I wonder why the feeds get closer together throughout the night? Clairemow's suggestion makes sense, especially for the night feeds.

I think you need Tiktok (she's a breastfeeding counsellor).

ref giving the bf when you are at work - it's quite easy ( I found it very easy, cos I am lazy !) to do morning & night feeds, so no need to give up if you don't want to.

ANother thought, do you think he is tired ? I say this because I've just put shattered DD2 into bed. Perhaps he is wanting to feed in an attempt to send himself to sleep ?

amijee - can you tell us a bit more about the situation?

Weight gain?

What he does at night?

How you feel about co-sleeping?

You sound like you have a very stressful situation to go back to and you're also stressed now, worrying about it.

If giving your baby formula fills him up nicely and therefore helps his feeding pattern and in turn puts your mind at rest, it sounds like it's worth it.

You have given him so much of your goodness already that you shouldn't feel guilty.

Whatever you decide, a calm momma and contented baby is the best scenario, so ultimately do what you feel is best for you.

I breast fed for about the same time as you and then bottle fed and have big, strong, healthy, intelligent kids and my sanity. So you will be alright. x

hi amijee, How big was baby when he was born? I had two big babies and they tend to need to go on to solids a bit earlier than others. At ten weeks both of by sons started on a bowl of baby rice before bed time, this fills them up and lets them sleep through the night it can be mixed up using you breastmilk so no need for formula. My health vistor agreed that this was a good idea. Hope this might help you

Sorry but breastmilk has more calories than rice and is unlikely to fill up a baby more. Also aren't you supposed to wait till they are six months old before weaning?

No evidence that big babies need solids before other babies....and sorry, 10 weeks is really far too young, but no surprise at all that the health visitor agreed with it

I'm sure Tiktok will give good advice, but here's mine, fwiw: don't forget that in 2 months your child's feeding pattern will have changed, whether or not you have introduced formula. There's a huge difference between a 10.5 week old and a 4 1/2 month old. Yes, you may have a child who just wants to feed all the time, but on the other hand his feeds may have spaced out all by themselves. If they haven't, a call to one of the bf support groups might help. Also I personally have found the No cry sleep solution a great help - the book gives lots of advice for trying to cut down on night feeds.

I completely agree with emmatom that you sound like you're worrying about the work situation - perhaps that's the real issue here, as opposed to how much your baby is feeding? That's not to belittle how knackered you feel as I know what it's like trying to function at work when your brain feels like mush and you really just want to lie down in the dark somewhere for the rest of the day.

Just so you know my background (because I think it is relevant, and because I doubt very much you will get any truly objective replies ) I went back to work part-time when ds2 was 3 months old, fully bf up to about 8 months, mixed fed up to about 10 months when I stopped bf altogether. Ds1 went long hours between feeds at nighttime but was always an awful sleeper. I actually wish I had let him sleep with me more as it would have saved us both lots of grief . Formula made no difference in terms of how often I was up in the night. Ds2 is 2yo and still feeds at night and sleeps with us part of the night too but I'm happier with this situation.

oh, and expressing at work is a real pain but, like many others, i found that ds2 'saved' himself for me to come back, so he didn't actually get through much while at nursery - which helped a bit as it meant less time attached to the pump

It was not the calorific value I was talking about. My children weighed 10lb 2 and 11lb 2 at birth and they did need to wean earlier as formula was not satisfying them alone (6 x 8oz bottles a day) I know of no-one that has waited until 6 months to wean there babies although this is the government guide line. My GP and health visior suggested this as they were not gaining enough weight on milk alone.

not got any experience re going back to work but re the sleeping. if you don't want them in your bed we have our cot with one side off pushed against our bed. this way you have your bed space they get used to their cot and you can just roll over half asleep to feed them.

works for us but good luck and yes happy mum, happy baby, don't stress it.xxx

lulu, experience warns me off discussing people's own past individual choices and I am sure your kids are fine....my concern was that other people might think it was ok to give solids at 10 weeks.

Your babies were pretty big!! Even so, 10 weeks is too young; though very big formula fed babies, in practice, may find it hard to get to 6 months without having massive amounts of milk, no one would argue today that 10 weeks is a good idea. And it must have been for the calories, despite what you said. as you said they were not gaining weight on milk alone...

But apart from all that amijee's baby is breastfed and there's no suggestion that he's not gaining or started off very big. That was my concern really - what appears to be appropriate in one situation is not in someone else's, for all sorts of reasons.
Hope that clears it up

Amijee - you wanted to know if formula would make your life easier. I honestly think that if you will genuinely be "really unhappy about doing so" and will feel guilty, as you said, then it will not make your life easier, but harder as you will constantly be wondering if you did the right thing. So the longer you hang on the better I would think, but only you can make the decision. Hope things improve soon. x