How long do you think your baby should sleep in your room for?

[josben]

DD is 10 weeks and we are thinking about moving her into her own room this weekend as she is a very light sleeper and so we think she'll sleep better (and hopefully so will we!)
But I know that the recommendation is that babies should sleep in parents room for first 6 months (as we did with DS1 & DS2) but I was just wondering if everyone follows this advice?

If DS starts to breathe funny I don't hear him with or without a monitor, the monitor i keep turned on cos with it I get 5 minutes advance warning on the 'i'm not going back to sleep and i'm going to scream for hours' tihng he does. If I catch it early enough before he's woken himself up i can get him to go back to sleep.
Without the monitor I lose that 5 minutes as I gradually wake up to the noise.

I do however turn monitor of once he has got me up once already int he night.

(of course this doesn't apply to the 3 ocasions when he has been genuinilly ill.) If he is okay when he goes ot bed and still hasn't stirred/cried/snuffled by 10pm I figure its prety dammed unlikely that he could suddenly become so ill in the night that he wouldn't be able to cry out and that it would come on so suddenly I didn't notice anything less than 8 hrs earlier!

Zachary - wish I'd had the guts to put DS in hiw own room straight away - I had 3 awful weeks with him and we all slept much better the minute he was in his own room.

With the monitor on, we can't actually hear his breathing anyway, so I don't see how that would help. Maybe it isn't a very sensitive one, but it was new 2 years ago - one with the lights that flash round the top when the baby makes a noise.

Clairemow, I must be lucky then, we have a really cheap Tomy plug in, but it's got a great recepetion and we can hear the breathing on a quite low volume setting...or maybe my ds's just are really noisy breathers, of course, lol!

Riab - just wondering, does it really make any difference whether or not we know the explanation for why something makes a difference, once we know that it does? For instance at some point someone noticed that drs washing their hands meant fewer mothers died of infections after childbirth. Would it really matter whether or not we knew why that was (obviously we know now) - surely once we've noticed that the handwashing helps, we'd want them to wash their hands anyway, whether or not we know why that is?

For me, knowing that fewer SIDS cases occur in babies who are in the same room as their parents is enough to make me want to stick to that - as and when the reason why is worked out, that may or may not make me keep doing the same thing (maybe it'll turn out to be a reason that doesn't apply to me, who knows). For now though I'll go by what the stats suggest is safest.

fireflighty - I always want to know why there is a link, though. For example, maybe babies sleeping in the same room as their parents is linked with a lower rate of SIDS because only non-smokers share a room with their baby. In that case, it would be the non-smokingness of the parents that brought the link, not the room sharing. Room sharing would be what's called a 'marker' for being a non-smoker.

In fact, the above is not the case, and the reason for the link is speculation - but I'm surprised riab finds it all unconvincing. It seems to be to do with responsiveness of the parent - breathing difficulties are more quickly spotted if the baby is in the same room, for instance.

we put DD in her own room when she outgrew the moses basket - about 4 months! Had monitor glues to my ear though, and would sneak in several times a night just because I missed her. And she was only in the room behind us!

We only managed 4 weeks, but our house is small so DS is never far away! I felt that it was an important step in letting her find out how to put herself to sleep. It was also v important in letting us both get some sleep since rested parents are much happier parents, I can assure you! Have occasionally shared a room with DS since then (she is now 13 weeks) and she's so noisy it's like trying to sleep in a train depot

Oh dear - looks like I'm a terrible mother - I haven't even bought a monitor! There didn't seem to be a lot of point, as dd's bed is about 10 feet from mine, even though she's in her own room, plus a monitor wouldn't tell me if she stopped breathing, which is what I worry about most.

My ds went into his own bedroom after the first night from hospital. None of us were going to get any sleep and I really wanted him to get used to his own room. We have had our evenings to ourselves pretty much from week one and for the first 8 weeks I slept in the spare room with mine and his door open (so pretty much like being in the same room) - I hardly slept a wink, my dh slept like a log and there were quite a few occasions when I ended up with ds in my room trying to get him off after the middle of the night feed. Once he slept through, I went back to our own room. I don't even have the monitor on in our room (what's the point, you might as well have them in your room if you're going to have the monitor on) but have the door ajar and I reckon mothers instinct is to jump at the first cry. I can be awake and up in a moment if he yells out. I still don't sleep well now ds sleeps longer - that'll take some practice. We also have a respiratory monitor which at least gives me some peace of mind (although would be terrified if it went off) but all round I reckon that we all sleep better in our own beds !! However it is such a personal thing you have to do what feels right to you (as always!).

Tiktok - I agree re wanting to know why (I like to too) - and it is possible that knowing why could end up changing what I do, e.g. if it was down to something that doesn't apply to me (if the smoking thing was true then that would be one thing like that). I was just making the point that you don't necessarily need a reason in order to act on something observed.

I think maybe FSID etc. need to explain the roomsharing advice because it seems to me that 90% of people think roomsharing is advised so you can keep an eye on the baby, and so therefore that a monitor must be just as good, and so they end up not roomsharing at all but not realising they're going against the advice. Not that following advice to the letter for the sake of it is always the thing to do, but understanding it before not following it is important.

My ds1 was 4 weeks when we moved out of his room (his cot ended up in the guest bedroom as we were waiting for a new mattress to arrive). I still used a baby monitor and for the first few nights I stayed in his room after his first night time feed, so I gradually weaned myself away from him. It's hard but you have to trust yourself that they'll be ok. After all we were quite happy with him being upstairs in his cot whilst we were downstairs in the evenings it just seemed a big psychological step to take to leave him on his own during the night. However the extra sleep we got was definitely worth it as we were no longer jumping up at every little snuffle and ds1 would often wake and settle himself for another hour.

Everyone's different and you have to go with what feels right but do try doing it in stages just to give yourself peace of mind that your little one will be ok.

Kept DS in with us till he was about 8/9 months. All fine when we moved him but now he is 5 and back in with me!!!

I'm with fireflighty.

The risk of SIDS is higher for babies sleeping away from parents.

Even though SIDS is rare, and we're a low risk family, until the reason is discovered and found not to apply to us, we're not taking any chances.

With DS, at 4 months. He was in a crib by my side until he learnt to turn over then the cot took up too much space to stay in our room. This time DD may have to stay longer as the only other option is to move her in with a 2 year old, who may at any time suddenly decide to act his age.

If its a case of wanting to get your DC used to thier own room, while still keping them close to you they wny not get a cot-top changing table. We did this so evertime DD was changed we would play her mobile and she would get a view similar to that when she would be lying in her cot. Also, whenever I made the beds etc - put laundry away I would take her and lie her in her cot, I was always able to pop in and out but could also let her have some 'me time' in her own room.

I am addicted to dd3 sleeping in the room with me, she is 5 months and I'm going to have to chuck her out soon though

Enid - if it makes you feel better DD is now 3, and althogh bump no2 well on the way, I still have time when I go get her after DH has left for work and bring her in to my bed. In fact this morning was one of those days as she was poorly a coughing a lot so I went all soppy and bought her in for a cuddle - propping her up on all my nice pillows

Why are people so obcessed with getting their Newborns or young Babys independent...they are not meant to be independent until Toddlerhood, and then only to a small extend! I am sorry, I really don't get this...yes, at times I got fed up with waking up in the night and wotnot, but reallly, Baby's are not meant to sleep through, and that is part of the reason for SIDS forinstance!
Baby's sleeping in the smae room as you is not meant to protect from SIDS as in you hear them should they stop breathing, but it is meant to help them, subconsciencly (sp?) to remember to breathe because they hear the adults breathing and because they won't sleep as deeply and therefore can't fall into that trap as easily to forget to breathe! Sorry, what is more important...sleeping through the night or doing things right for the Baby and what they are meant to do?

Do some of you who have them in their own rooms not hear them if they're crying then (with monitors off, I mean)?

I'm sure some people will find this odd, but mine slept in my bedroom - often in bed with me - till 6 months for ds1 and 9 months for ds2. Meanwhile dh moved into the spare room! He couldn't cope with disturbed sleep, whereas I've always been a night owl. Both mine slept through the night from about a month old - just as long as they were with me. I used to keep them downstairs with me till about 11pm then carry them upstairs when I wanted to go to bed.
They both went through a phase of waking with nightmares at about 3 years old, but apart from that they've always slept well - even now they're 11 & 12 they're usually in bed by 9pm.

I hear dd from our room with no problem - she has inherited her dad's snore! Whilst I mercilessly poke dh in the ribs when he gets too loud, I can't do that to dd. I'm out of bed like a rocket though if I can't hear her. I did try sleeping with ds in my bed, but I got no rest because I was too scared I would accidentally smother her.

Mums just wants best for their babies, and there is so much advice out there that it's difficult.We moved our wee baby a few weeks ago because she had outgrown her bassinet.Her cot doesn't fit in our room! I had no choice. It's all down to different circumstances and its a very personal choice. She sleeps much better & is more comfortable. I don't think any Mum should be made to feel guilty about moving a baby into it's own room. Maybe its just me but a few of the messages come across in thhis manner.

One of my babies was a near-miss cot death at 8wks old. She made a very small sound in her throat which alerted dh (I'd gone to the loo, after feeding her and putting her into her cot) and made him sit up and look. She was gasping for breath and then started fitting. She never made another sound after that first one. We rushed her to a&e desperately trying to get her/keep her breathing and that's a whole story itself. If she had been in her own room we wouldn't have heard that tiny sound and as she made no other sounds we would have assumed all was well, until we found her in the morning, too late. We don't smoke and the only risk factor we had for cot death was that she was a winter baby.

juule - v scary for you but highlights the reasoning behind keeping baby in with parents -the other reason has been mentioned a few times and it is about the baby "copying" your breathing patterns as upto around 4 months there own breathing can be erratic - this was all a good enought reason for me although i can be an "overprotective" mother my dd moved about 12 months and ds was 5.5 months - he was a noisy sleeper but i was more worried about the cot death stuff than me getting more sleep - again anxious mother syndrome!

Something occurred to me in the middle of the night, when these things do: if babies respond to hearing their parents breathing, then would it make more sense to use monitors the other way round, ie with the transmitter by the parents, and the receiver by the baby?