Breastfeeding at 26 months

[MrsMarigold]

My DD is still breastfeeding (frequently) she is ill at the moment with a cold and wanted to feed six times yesterday and three times in the night. It is driving me to the brink. I just don't want to see her - I feel I have no personal space and I feel a sort of loathing for her. For a fleeting moment I felt like putting a pillow over her and smothering her - obviously I didn't and got my DH to take her but she screamed for an hour and pummelled the door so it wasn't exactly relaxing. I've tried stopping but she rips off my clothes in public and bites me. Time-out does very little for her - I wish I had never breastfed her at all - I've not enjoyed it and I feel so tethered to her.

I've had PND which I'm still being treated for and my DS is three and also hard work (always has to be on top of me). I'm thinking of going back to work at the moment because I just need to escape.

My DM reckons putting aloe vera juice on my nipples would deter my DD but I tried mustard and the little blighter was impervious. At the moment I just regret having children at all, I love them but they are such a challenge.

I spoke to the GP who was quite unhelpful, she just said you are in charge just stop but it is easier said than done. I don't have the energy to deal with two furious toddlers.

I just don't have the energy to deal with two furious toddlers

That's your main problem - and the rest would be far far easier to solve of you cracked that one first :)

I fed my twins to 2yr6mo and 2yr9mo respectively, so I know what it feels like to be completely touched-out. You want to be on your own, in a big white bed for 20 hours straight, right?

Your youngest is now over two, and is feeding for comfort only. I think that's great, and entirely worthwhile, but not if it is driving you to extreme thoughts.

My first step would be to go away or a night. Completely away, out of the house to somewhere with a big white bed, preferably and leave your DH to it. At 26 months and 3 years, your DH can explain and console and cuddle and cosleep to get through the night. You will get a rest. If it is at all possible, I'd make this a regular event - weekly? Fortnightly? Even monthly would help you regain your sanity.

When you've had a bit more sleep, and are feeling less like the only one who can take on the night time responsibilities, you might find you have the energy and resolve to start distracting from the boob demands during the day. Go out a lot, but to places like shopping centres and parks rather than confined places like soft-play, and when DC starts pestering, explain 'mummy's busy at the moment. I'll be done in a minute and we'll find somewhere to sit'. Then go somewhere super exciting (toy shop? Slide? Lunch?) so they forget. Repeat, a lot, and you'll get it so DC will accept 'not now' and you can control the frequency and location of feeds. Don't let them pull your clothes (don't sit/bend down!) - just keep moving and doing things and they'll give up eventually.

Making these changes needs you to get some sleep first. If your tired and/or depressed, it will be too hard to resist sitting down and feeding, even when you are then crying through the feed because you don't want to be doing it. You need some rest, independence and investment in yourself before you'll be able to do it. It is not a crime to invest in you - tell DH you need some time away from the DC and go for a walk, get your hair cut, go out for lunch with a book. I money is a problem, Bella Italia take tesco clubcard points for food (not drinks), so for £2.50 worth of points and the price of a soft drink you can have their £9.95 two course menu and a drink :)

Good luck. You have done and are doing an amazing thing for your DC - the only way to keep up that brilliant, close relationship now is to have regular short periods when you're not with them! They'll manage just fine with DH and you will start to feel in control again.

I would put boundaries in place for day time feeds. And make sure you don't I advertently put her in a feeding position or sit where you would to feed.

I would try distracting and give your dd to your DH more. I did that with ds for night feeds. He screamed and screamed (DH stayed with him though) and occasionally I'd go in but after a while he stopped asking for night feeds. Luckily I've not needed to do that with with dd yet.

Is she teething? Ear infection?

Also if she bites, be firm, say no and put her down.

Thanks - she is quite single minded some days she doesn't feed and we actually gave up for nearly a week in July but then she got sick and chanced it and the milk seems to just keep on coming. It's very thin but still there.

I've been away for nights and she howls for me but gets over it. I did take to wearing a tight polar neck fleece (ghastly crime against fashion) which deterred her for awhile. She has a cold at the moment so I'm guessing that's contributing. She is a total escape artist and can get out of the pram, cot, car seat., and we have these irritating low door handles which means you can open them too. I feel better for venting though.

A few days ago she refused her supper (roast chicken) and climbed out of her cot at 9pm, went down to the pantry, climbed on a scooter and helped herself to Cheerios. Everyone I've told thinks it's hilarious and shows loads of initiative but I'm a little less amused.

Thanks for your help I also saw someone from the Breastfeeding Support Network and I've stopped. I miss it but am enjoying more cuddles.

It also helped that we met two little babies and I could say to DD - you are a big girl who can walk and talk and dance and sing and play, you don't need it.

That's a lovely outcome for you MrsM. You have done amazingly well to have brestfed for over two years in itself, let alone with another toddler in the house.

It's time to enjoy a different sort of bond with your daughter now.