In tears over this, help please

[AlwaysDancing1234]

We have a 4 month old DD (our 2nd child). Up to now she has been totally breastfed, only on 2 occasions I have managed to express DH had given bottle.
Several family meets have been pushing for me to start giving formula (mainly DH as I think he feels left out and PIL also mention it a lot as breastfeeding not the norm with MIL and SIL).
So today we tried a bottle of formula, DH tried giving it and eventually I tried but DD just got increasingly distressed and after 20 mins I was crying too so gave her the breast and she's now calmly feeding happily.
But I feel like I've failed in this and DH being very huffy and walked away when I tried to talk to him.
Any tips for when I can get the courage to try again please? Should I try expressed breast milk again first maybe then formula later?

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate all the support and advice

Oh my.....this is a grown up, fully-developed adult male, putting his own preferences to placate his parents above the health and comfort of a tiny baby?

I wonder if it's not your DH feeling left out (surely....as others have pointed out, there are a zillion other things he could do and if feeding absolutely has to be one of them, he can wait a couple of months when she is having other foods, and share then). No, not being left out, but feeling he has to be 'on side' with his parents and sister, rather than supporting you.

I think he's being pathetic, and you need to be assertive with the whole sorry lot of them!

I had this a bit with my in-laws, who are really lovely and with whom I get on really well, so they had the best of intentions.

I agree with everyone else that it's entirely your choice and you shouldn't feel pressurised but I also know that it's not always quite that simple so perhaps you could come to a compromise?
I found that at this age mine could go for quite a while without milk if he was distracted, so you could always leave baby with in-laws for a bit (if this is something you want to do) in between feeds and go out without her. You could always leave them with a bottle, and let them try if they feel she's hungry, so the onus is on them to give the bottle if they think she needs it rather than you. You might find that she goes longer between feeds if you aren't there and they are playing with her etc. If you only do this now and again then I doubt it would affect your supply much.

You could leave them with a range of sippy cups etc too so they have a variety of options to keep them busy - I eventually got some formula into mine with the ikea sippy cup, but only if he was in his bouncy chair rather than holding him.

But why should the OP have to leave her 4 month old if she doesn't want to?
Her in-laws are not entitled to make her leave her baby just for their entertainment.
If she had posted saying "I have to leave my baby because I have to go to work/whatever", I would understand, but it appears that she doesn't want to stop breast feeding/start mixed feeding/leave her baby.

She is being bullied by her DH and his family. They are being selfish and childish. I am appalled that a group of adults are spoiling this precious time for her. 4 months is very young. You never get that time back again.

Imeg, what a complicated set-up ('a range of sippy cups'....?!) when it would be far easier to say 'no thank you, we are happy breastfeeding'.

'Pushing' is the word used by the OP, along with repeated mentions because breastfeeding is not 'the norm' among the in-laws.

And the result is a mother who feels she is 'failing' and a distressed 4-mth-old.

Horrible.

OP, there is good advice here for if you want to express for bottle feeds, leave your DD with your ILs, mix-feed, etc. But you certainly don't have to do any of that.

Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing to do for your baby (if you want to/ can manage it), don't feel pressured to stop or to compromise your supply by giving formula instead. It's nothing at all to do with your ILs, so you have every right to either completely ignore them or firmly tell them to back off. If you want to though, you could educate them about the benefits of breastfeeding to both you and your DD, which might help them understand how selfish they are being.

And maybe look into going to a breastfeeding support group- the health visitors at our GPs surgery run one. Even if you're not physically struggling with breastfeeding, it can help to normalise it to make some friends who are also breastfeeding. It will also give you somewhere to complain about the harder bits, as I imagine if you do that at home it will fuel the argument for stopping.

FWIW, my DD is 14 months, has never had formula, and has only recently started spending some time with my ILs without me. She still has a great relationship with them, and has special little games that she only plays with granny. You certainly aren't cutting anyone out by breastfeeding. Good luck

Don't let anyone else bully you into anything!
You get to decide how to feed your dd, no one else.
If anyone tried to tell me to give my DS formula I'd tell them to eff off.

In just two months he can start feeding her solids at mealtimes. What sort of adult can't put their partner and child's needs above theirs for a few weeks? This is so sad.

I didn't mean to imply the OP should leave the baby/give a bottle if she doesn't want to, I just meant to suggest some options for it being less distressing if that is what she decided to do.

I ff so obviously not against it - But, bloody hell, that's awful.

If you and your baby are happy with it this way then why on earth change?

I know it must be hard for you having them against you but don't do anything you don't want to do.

Boggle boggle boggle. You and your child have a great BF relationship.
Everyone else can do ANYTHING else to care for your child. ANYTHING. The ONE thing that only you can do and you are being pushed into not doing it. BF is the normal thing to do.

Why would anyone want to disrupt a perfectly great thing and cause upset to a mother and baby. I just don't understand people sometimes.

Thank you everyone for support and practical advice. WishingWell I think I will look in to going to a breastfeeding cafe or similar, great idea thank you.
DH is not a horrible person or Dad, far from it, he said he sees how tired I can get and wants me to give FF another go so he can help more and give me a break, when it's put like that it doesn't seem so mean but of course if DD won't take a bottle it just causes more problems than it solves.

Op you carry on BFing if that's what you want. Sod bloody in laws. I know it's hard because you feel vulnerable and tired. Probably too tired to fight. Remember you don't need to fight them-just say NO and carry on BFing. DH will be able to feed her soon when you wean. He'll live.
My in laws (and DH to some extent) are slavez to convention. Mil weaned DH and SIL before three months. It's disgraceful that at this difficult time you have to fight a battle you just don't need.
I'd probably put ear phones in or go to another room op!

If they all want to help, get them to do the washing, ironing, cooking, shopping and cleaning.

Second 3littlefrogs. They should also bring you water and the television remote if you want it.

Firstly like others have said, your baby, your choice. If it is upsetting you and baby don't do it.

Neither of my older two took bottles I breastfed the eldest to 2 years, but expressed milk for adding to baby cereal and to put in a sippy cup for dd once she got to 8 months old. Dd2 solely breastfed for her milk until 16 months.

With ds I wanted to have a bit more sleep so we started with Nuk bottles and latex teats with expressed breast milk which he took from DH so long as I wasn't in the room. I still express milk for him, he wouldn't drink formula until 10 months old and only as a last resort. I intend to switch straight to cows milk for bottles once he is 1 in a month's time.

If you really want her to take a bottle and don't want to express for them long term then I suggest gradual transition by expressing breast milk and switching from 100% breast milk to 90/10 breast/formula, then 80/20, 70/30 etc... until she will take 100% formula. I have used that method to successfully get my three children drinking other milk.