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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Spacing feeds - newborn

44 replies

splendide · 02/11/2014 12:26

Would really appreciate some advice from someone with experience. I'm a first time mum with a one week old and im feeling a bit desperate.

How long is he meant to be allowed to go between feeds? The midwife told me to just set a timer for three hours after each feed and make sure he fed in that time. But then I read 2 hours is right and from the begining not end of the last feed. I feel like I'm going mad with worry, I'm crying all the time, please help.

OP posts:

Gen35 · 02/11/2014 17:44

I find this really stressful too, I would go by nappies and weight gain too. dc2 was 91st percentile at birth, 2 weeks late and she slept some 3.5 hour stretches from the start and at 3 weeks sometimes does 5-6 overnight. It causes panic but she's gaining weight very well, so for me that's the key, she's clearly getting enough milk, she feeds for long stretches in the pm and evening. If she wasn't gaining so well, I'd be trying to get her to feed more by waking her up with nappy changes etc.

bronya · 02/11/2014 20:07

Signs your child is getting enough milk/feeding well (look up online for the appropriate amount for age for some of these):

the right number of dirty/wet nappies
poos the correct colour/consistency
Alert, contented baby who sleeps well and increasingly spends some time awake.
A good, noisy, strong cry when in discomfort/hungry.
Keeping crying until you feed, not giving up and going back to sleep.
Feeding on average for a decent amount of time, with reasonable intervals between (cluster feeding happens, but shouldn't be all day long). So a longer spacing between feeds gives a decent amount of time feeding each time (not five minutes!).
Feeding is comfortable for you, and you can see baby swallowing regularly.
Baby is a good, healthy colour, is filling out and gaining weight.

Just my experience - by child number two you just feed when they're hungry and keep an eye on general frequency/length/their behaviour and appearance.

Original poster

splendide · 03/11/2014 06:35

Well I certainly didn't need to wake to feed last night. Fed on demand every hour or so all night so that's ok I guess. Still so weepy though.

OP posts:

geekaMaxima · 03/11/2014 08:13

OP - your ds is getting enough milk. Getting back to birth weight after a week shows that! So well done, you're doing great at bf

Try not to worry too much about what people say your baby "should" be doing. As long as weight gain and nappies are fine and you're responding to his cues to feed, all is ok. "Snacking" with lots of short feeds is normal. "Bingeing" with a mega feed followed by a long gap is normal. Cluster feeding for hours is normal. Staying on the boob for comfort rather than feeding is normal. Doing something different from one day to the next is normal.

Congrats on your lo and enjoy him. Bf does get easier but you're off to a flying start

LetticeKnollys · 03/11/2014 08:30

The rude midwife who discharged me insisted on (bf) DS being fed every 3 hours, and scared us half to death with stories of babies getting jaundiced even though DS was totally healthy. All of the community midwives who came to me reassured me that that was unnecessary and to feed on demand. I saw a lactation consultant at one point who also advised on demand feeding. I suspect that the hospital midwife was pushing a one size fits all overly risk averse way of feeding because she looks bad if anyone has to be readmitted.

hollie84 · 03/11/2014 09:10

Of course midwives look bad if someone gets readmitted because they haven't fed their baby enough and haven't been told to I mean, that is kind of their job!

bronya · 03/11/2014 09:16

Can I ask - have you got support at home? Have you been able to get out into the sunshine each day and have some fresh air? You sound like you could really do with some real life support.

Original poster

splendide · 03/11/2014 09:45

I have a really supportive DH. I'm normally quite good at coping but this feels like nothing else. I'm completely overwhelmed by it.

OP posts:

Imeg · 03/11/2014 10:20

It's really hard isn't it... Trying to deal with a completely new way of life while getting very little sleep and under the influence of changing hormones etc is not good.

I found getting out of the house (even just into the garden initially) very helpful, also doing something to think about something else for a bit eg watching a non-baby related tv programme.

I also used to listen to audio books or music on my mp3 player while feeding at night: didn't need the light on and kept things quiet for the baby but it helped the time pass and helped me relax.

I also went to the first baby group (at the local children's centre) at 8 days old - completely wasted on baby as he just slept through it but it was nice for me to get out and chat to other mums. I went most weeks, partly because it was only round the corner, and it was really entirely for my benefit until he was about 6-8 weeks and started watching the other babies.

JuniDD · 03/11/2014 10:30

splendide you're doing brilliant. You really are. xxx

Gen35 · 03/11/2014 12:24

Most of the anxiety is hormone triggered, and due to being a bit low post birth - I felt better with every week that passed with dc1, and I found very few health care professionals interested in providing reassurance. I used to weigh ds every few days to reassure myself she was gaining.

PurplePidjin · 03/11/2014 12:30

If you're struggling all the time, please get in touch with your midwife, health visitor or GP. We can say all the nice things to you we want, but PND is very very common and easily treatable and only a Real Live Health Qualified Person can decide if you have it or not

Boomtownsurprise · 03/11/2014 12:37

Hello, I'm not sure anyone has mentioned but you perfectly normal for feeling weepy. You said baby was newborn? It's about a week? There's a massive change in hormones at that point for you. You will feel likely quite overwhelmed and down for a bit around then. It will get better slowly though.

Sounds like the rest is picking up ok. I wouldn't worry about waking the baby to feed if bf. If he's hungry he will wake up. My first did every 2 hrs like clockwork. Second did every 4hrs and I know some that did about 5-6hrs from 10pm. Just roll with it for now.

Good luck

Errrr2012 · 03/11/2014 12:52

OP it definitely gets easier I promise. The early days are really tough, especially first time round. keep going and take care of yourself. Ps. I cried everyday over anything and nothing first time - this is probably the biggest life change you'll ever go through. It's a real shock to the system, emotionally and physically. X x

Madcatgirl · 03/11/2014 12:57

Here's my advice. Don't worry about how many feeds your gorgeous newborn is having, if he is content and gaining weight then you're doing a GOOD job. My eldest slept through the night (12-7 ish) from five days old, but fed all the time through the day.

My second slept through from 3 weeks old. Again he fed lads in the day.

Put your feet up in front of the telly, eat cake, watch crap and cuddle and bond with your newborn. Trust your instincts and don't worry about hard facts like time between and number of feeds, go off if your lo is gaining weight. Congratulations, you're doing a great job.

Noodledoodledoo · 07/11/2014 08:12

I have a baby who in the early days didnt give me the cues or get to crying stage so following the 'feed when hungry' resulted in a big weight lost. I had fab midwife support who advised not to let them go more than 3 hours during the day and originally 4 hours overnight. My little one likes their sleep so struggled to wake them and after the weight was going back in the right direction they said 6 hours overnight was fine.

I tend to try to stick to these guidelines roughly but after nearly 6 weeks baby is much better at asking and the only one I really have to use is the overnight but thats more to relieve my discomfort!

Hedgehogging · 07/11/2014 20:11

Nothing further to add to the excellent advice you've already gotten here and suffice to say it sounds like you're doing a beautiful job.

Just wanted to say that I can remember well how you are feeling. I think most of the posters here were in the same boat a week in. You're usually a competent and together person and now suddenly you are all over the place- tearful, terrified and feeling completely overwhelmed. I felt like DD and I had been put into a small boat and set adrift in the middle of the ocean and our survival was all on me. It really is such a lonely and isolating feeling.

BUT! I discovered on here all the cool, together, confident BFing mums before me had felt exactly the same.

This will pass. It really will. All going well you and your DS will make a great success of BFing and suddenly one day you'll realise that feeling of terrified responsibility has faded away to be replaced by a slightly less terrified feeling of responsibility and you have got this.

Well done OP. Chin up. It WILL get better. So much better.

Original poster

splendide · 07/11/2014 20:26

Thanks for all the excellent advice and reassurance it's so appreciated. He was weighed again today and he's put on a little bit more so I'm feeling a bit better maybe. The boat adrift is exactly how I feel though! That's the feeling.

OP posts:

Hedgehogging · 07/11/2014 20:30

Well done on the weigh-in! You'll be on dry land again soon .

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