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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Honest opinions please should I stop bf 8 month old DD due to weight?

45 replies

Lucy1977 · 03/10/2006 22:11

Ok, sorry for such dramatic subject title but I feel that everyone is on my back at the moment.

DD is 8 months old next week and after such a rocky start we finally got the hang of bf and both of us really enjoy it. She weighed 17lbs and half an ounce on Tuesday and the health visitor said she thought I should switch to formula now because she weighted 16lbs 5oz 3 wks ago. Then today I used the gym's creche for the 1st time and left DD there for 40 mins, I gave DD a quick bf in a corner of the room when I picked her up and there were only the two women who run it, 3 small children and a woman collecting her baby (who is also a breastfeeder). The woman (who runs it ) said to me "that makes my toes curl seeing you do that" (I'm not sure what she meant but I was too embarrassed to ask so gave her benefit of doubt thinking she must've found it painful) then she said "well when you've got a healthy child like x (son of my friend who is a heavy bf baby) you can see how his mum's milk is best for him but when you see y (my DD) you.. well she must just be a different build".

Arrgghhh I thought we were doing so well. DD's just started sleeping much better at night and taking solids well.

Do you think I should forget how long I wanted to bf for and put her on formula? Am I being selfish bf her now?

THanks

OP posts:
MrsOhHu · 08/10/2006 13:14

Well done for getting so far! With dd#1, I was under a lot of pressure to start bottle feeding at about 4 months. The centile charts are out of date and they are made for formula fed babies. Some HVs think that weight is everything and make no accounting for the baby itself! I bf dd#1 till she was about 1, then she got bored of it. I expect I'll do the same now. Dd#2 is only 12 weeks old, so a way to go yet!

mammaduck · 08/10/2006 21:27

NO NO NO!

Don't listen to these people who say you should switch to formula.

Well done for bfding all that time and you carry on if you and she both want to. There's nothing selfish about it. It's the most natural thing in the world.

Absolutely agree heavier is not necessarily healthier. Please remember that most of the weight centiles in the red books are based on bottle fed babies who tend to be heavier, therefore breastfed babies always look as if they're lighter - but that's good IMO!

Original poster
Lucy1977 · 08/10/2006 22:16

Hi ladies

Thanks for more replies, you're really helping me to feel confident I'm doing the right thing and that DD is as healthy as can be. When I meet up with local mums who have babies of similar age (DD is the youngest by 4 wks) she's doing everything they are

Olihan thanks for the link to the charts.

TT - One of our health visitors is better than the other but neither are very knowledgable with regards to BFing. I think its shocking that the one who was telling me to go to formula is the one that runs the bfing support group - she has such a scarcastic manner and seems more interested in any holidays/weekends away people are going on rather than bfing!

Lucy

OP posts:
tiktok · 08/10/2006 23:25

Of course there is no reason at all to give formula - the HV is being unprofessional and unhelpful. The creche woman is just beyond the pale.

If a breastfed baby needs more calories, then they can have more breastfeeds - I never see the point of giving formula if breastfeeding is going perfectly well, as the baby can have extra milk simply by bf more often.

Have to point out that the charts in red books are not 'based on bottle fed babies' - I have to correct this a lot on mumsnet! The babies on whose data the charts are formed were not differentiated in feeding method. Common sense says that by the time the babies are older, a lot of them would indeed be formula fed because our bf stats are so poor for older babies. The WHO charts do start to differ from the standard charts from about six months, it's true.

Doesn't it show how fragile breastfeeding can be - here's a healthy thriving baby and an experienced breastfeeding mum, and confidence in breastfeeding is shattered to the extent the mum (Lucy) wonders if she is beinf 'selfish' in bf....all because of an encounter with an ignorant HV and a couple of stupid remarks from someone just poking their nose in

Gracesmum · 09/10/2006 02:41

hi lucy sorry for how you have been made to feel by ignorant people, sometimes wonder if HV are on commission for suggesting formula. i bf my dd for 9 months and she dropped of the 50th centile at about 12 weeks. i ignored HV comments about 'topping up'. she is now 2.5 and the healthiest, brighest, friendliest little girl you could ever meet ( most times anyway, she is 2 after all [big grin])but even at her age she only weighs 24lbs and has the waist size of a 12-18 month old and this is partly because bf babies are leaner but also because she's like a mini tornado.
keep up the good work and if anybody passes comment again give them that 'i'm a woman on the edge' glare, they'll soon back off.

Gracesmum · 09/10/2006 02:42

hi lucy sorry for how you have been made to feel by ignorant people, sometimes wonder if HV are on commission for suggesting formula. i bf my dd for 9 months and she dropped of the 50th centile at about 12 weeks. i ignored HV comments about 'topping up'. she is now 2.5 and the healthiest, brighest, friendliest little girl you could ever meet ( most times anyway, she is 2 after all )but even at her age she only weighs 24lbs and has the waist size of a 12-18 month old and this is partly because bf babies are leaner but also because she's like a mini tornado.
keep up the good work and if anybody passes comment again give them that 'i'm a woman on the edge' glare, they'll soon back off.

abelle · 09/10/2006 08:22

you must do what feels right to you - i always topped up my breast feeds with formula as i had such a hungry big boy! - i was very relaxed about it and i think the important thing to remember is that you should always do what works for you and your baby - each baby is different

Overrun · 09/10/2006 09:30

I would actually report the woman from the Creche, what she said was absalutely appalling and unprofessional. Keep going you are doing fine. My twins are not big boys but they are fine and there is too much emphasise on big bouncing babies when we know that formula fed babies can put on too much weight. Bf babies will take what they need

Original poster
Lucy1977 · 09/10/2006 14:00

TT - I've read what you said and it's so true, I am cross with myself for thinking that I was perhaps being selfish and this now sounds ludicrous to me!! It is terrible that these health professionals advising mums don't have better knowledge or attitude for that matter!

Right, I've been thinking about this woman at the creche and its really annoying me. This was the first time I had used the facility and I was really looking forward to being able to do some sport once a wk with DD in the creche. I want to complain about the woman but I wont feel comfortable putting DD in there again if I do (just the type of person I am). I could complain about:
Her comment to me
Her giving DD a beaker of water (when she told me to bring a beaker of juice in I said DD wasn't having any drinks except milk yet)
She asked us to sign a form, it was a rush at the end so I just signed it and dated it thinking it was authorisation about the creche but then I read it and it was a questionnaire about the creche and they had already ticked the boxes "very satisfied" . I was already wound up so just wanted to get out of there but usually I would of said something like "surely this is for me to complete"!

Not sure whether to complain or not..

Thanks

Lucy

OP posts:
tiktok · 09/10/2006 14:31

OK - here's the plus side of complaining:

  • other mothers won't have to put up with stoooopid comments
  • babies won't be at risk of being give food/drink their mothers have expressly said 'please don't' to...and for some (allergic) babies that could be very serious
  • the facility will be more careful in future about who they employ
  • you will feel great about what you have done

The downside:

  • you will feel, momentarily, awkward and even embarrassed
  • you may feel you cannot use the creche again, and will need to go to another gym or have other arrangements

If you are a scardy-pants about complaining, it will help you to jot down the four (or whatever) main points you are unhappy about, and to record the date and time of your visit, and to keep this note with you. You may even be able to ask for a 'suggestions form' and fill it all in without actually confronting anyone in person - and on the suggestions form, put 'I hope someone will contact me to let me know your response to these points'.

(I am an experienced complainer, BTW - like a dog with a bone, me!)

moudlesmum · 09/10/2006 14:48

Lucy - you must complain. I think you should right a letter to the management - at least you can write it and keep changing it until you have it exactly right. It it totally unacceptable that you were treated this way and you really shold do something about it. To be honest, when i read what had happened it was like "how DARE someone say that to you - HOW DARE THEY!" The UK is SO undereducated about bf-ing - it's just bonkers. I breast fed till 6 months and was devestated when I stopped (my little DG almost took my nipple off with her teeth. You are doing SO well and I'm envious! So with that in mind Lucy, the woman in the creche had no right to comment on the most natural thing in the world OR to do the other things which, by the way, are SHOCKINGLY over-stepping the mark. I'm livid! So complain - it's totally out of order & a cheek. I can't get over it!

foundintranslation · 09/10/2006 14:50

Oh I would definitely complain.

I'm another with a light baby (well, 17mo), who's pretty much near the bottom of those WHO charts - but still ON them, which is a revelation and a vindication for me. He is still bf but can eat a lot of solids if he wants - I don't know where it all goes. Wish I had his metabolism

Original poster
Lucy1977 · 09/10/2006 15:26

The creche woman has really been on my mind this afternoon because my slot for DD to go is Tuesday mornings so I know I'll see the woman tomorrow. I'm not a confrontational person so don't feel I could say anything to her directly but perhaps I'm not giving her the chance to apologise/explain? Then again I always feel like I'm apologising for breastfeeding as I seem to get so many stares when I do it in public (and honestly I am so discreet and never once exposed a boob to the public!) Also, I've had a few snidy passing whispers directed at me when bfing in public as well so confidence isn't very high but I got over that just by looking down at DD's milky face and enjoying the cuddle!

I'm paranoid about complaining - this woman has my address and she seemed a bit "rough" we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else (we're not from here, moved her a few yrs ago). However I do feel I need to do something because this lady shouldn't be allowed to carry on and whilst I'm not passing judgment on her at least it would give her chance to realise she's doing something not right.
You don't think they might turn around and tell me I should've have bf DD in the creche anyway?! I'd be gobsmacked if they did.

Moudlesmum - yes I think a letter will be the best way of communication for this, I'll sit down and start it later once DD is in bed.

Thanks for all your support

Lucy

OP posts:
bababoo · 09/10/2006 15:56

Good luck with your complaining!I can't believe anybody would say something like that, especially not someone who works with babies!If you write a letter then surely you won't be implicated in whatever warning or disciplinary action is taken either. Hope it goes well,

doggiesayswoof · 09/10/2006 16:38

Hi Lucy, just caught up with your thread. I also think you should put in a letter of complaint - I can't believe she asked you to sign a form and it was actually a completed questionnaire! I can understand you feeling uncomfortable but if you write to the management they would presumably not tell her who had complained (in fact maybe you could ask for your complaint to remain confidential). Good luck with it and don't let the ignorant comments get you down!

Original poster
Lucy1977 · 09/10/2006 16:51

I just bumped into one of the ladies who sometimes goes to the same BF support group and she told me that the HV used to work as a nurse then a midwife!! I am even more surprised now about her advice about the formula.

I've made a decision about tomorrow and the letter of complaint. I'm going to take DD to the creche to see if the lady has any intention of apologising etc. I wont bring it up but just to see if she is apologetic. If she doesn't mention anything then I'll send in the letter.

Thanks again everyone

Lucy

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy1977 · 09/10/2006 22:10

Hi again

Sorry that this thread is taking a diversion of sorts (think I'll put a post on the childminding forum) but I've just thought of something else and wondered what you thought.

When I picked up DD from the creche the same woman mentioned about DD liking her rice cakes (which I packed for her as all the children have a sit down and snack at 10.30) and then she said "but she doesn't like them as much as my laces, yeah I was holding xxx (wee boy) and when I looked down she's chewing on my shoelace".
I know I can't wrap DD in cotton wool but surely this woman should be paying more attention that this? Or, am I over reacting?

Thanks
Lucy

OP posts:
lemonaid · 09/10/2006 22:16

Overreacting a bit on the shoelaces, I think.

Olihan · 09/10/2006 22:23

Lucy, believe it or not ALL HV's used to be nurses and/or midwives before they did their HV training. You can't train to be a HV unless you were in the nursing profession first.

Totally that they are STILL so useless!!

Original poster
Lucy1977 · 09/10/2006 22:31

LA - yeah I thought I probably was!

Olihan, I didn't realise that was the case!

Lucy

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