Dd 'refuses' breast when upset

[flymo79]

So, if my 11wo dd cries at all she rears away from the boob... Was only happening in day but has just happened for first feed and I'm at a loss as to what to do. It's like she will only feed at the moment if she's sleepy. When she has woken up fully it's a no go. I've managed so far by giving her a bottle if she does this in the day (I know she is hungry because all her feeding cues are there but she gets so distraught she won't latch). I really really don't want to do bottles in the night... But really hard to catch her before she sets off crying. Anyone?

Bump... Anyone?

This started happening with my DD1 when she was a similar age. I too was at a loss; all my research suggested it was a 'nursing strike' but these are only supposed to happen in much older babies.

I won't lie, it was really really tough. And the more anxious and tense I got about feeding, the more inhibited my let down was and the more frustrated my daughter got. So it was a vicious circle.

For us, we had lots of issues feeding into making breastfeeding challenging. I had suffered a massive PPH after an EMCS, was highly anaemic, and DD had a severe tongue tie that was only diagnosed and snipped (privately) at 13 weeks. So we had supply issues too, which I tackled with domperidone and a hospital grade pump. I'm only telling you this to give you the complete picture -- hopefully these problems don't apply to you too.

Anyway, the fussing, fretful, unhappy behaviour at the breast did pass. I tried biofeedback methods to help calm me down and encourage a better let down -- maybe google if this appeals. I even tried Bach's Rescue Remedy. I also tried different feeding positions to help 'trick' DD into latching on and getting on with it, as well as plenty of bathing together and skin to skin. One of the MOST successful things I found was latching her on as soon as she woke from a nap, as she was a bit more fuzzy and amenable, for want of a better phrase I suppose her guard was down. Does your DD have a dummy? It's a controversial thing but if she does, maybe give her that to calm her down while you get your boobs going with a bit of hand expressing first. That way she might get some instant gratification as soon as she comes to the breast.

It got better, but it was a slow process and our stash of EBM was well and truly depleted by the end of it because sometimes only BM in a bottle would do. Persevere if that feels like the right thing to do for you and yours; the good news from my story is that we went on to breastfeed until my DD self-weaned at about 2.5. Please do PM me if you want to talk about this some more.

Thanks so much wrap, this certainly gives me hope!i was able to catch her before she set about crying in the night so she latched on for all three feeds, but yesterday was more difficult as we were out and had to get somewhere suitable to feed by which time she was thoroughly upset and would only take bottle . I'm really reassured by your post and that you kept going till 2! Thank you for responding

I agree with use of the dummy to calm down before latching / re-latching.
Also if they are windy - he adores the tastevin infacol & gripe water. I give him a but before each feed then if he starts to fuss another smidgen & that appeases him enough to go back on!
It's such hard work but so BF is so worth it.

It's a stage. It will pass if you just keep offering. In the short term, try to feed as soon as she wakes up during the day whilst she is still drowsy. I remember how hard it is emotionally though. Dd would just be so tired and upset and I knew if she would just feed she could relax and sleep. It only lasted a week or so though.

Hang on in there flymo. I think this can be overcome, the biggest battle will be keeping your morale up as it does just feel so stressful! If at all possible, don't feel bad about spending a few days not doing much with out and about with your DD (this is easier said than done, I know -- I only managed it a small amount with my first and it would be unthinkable now I have two!) while you get this sussed. If she can have a few days having feeds 'on tap' without having the chance to get too worked up it might help you both relax and get past this. Wishing you lots of luck.

Thanks all for support and advice, very helpful. Really hope it is just a phase, will try to spend some time at home with dd

OP, the same is happening with my DS who is 10 w 2days. interested in how you get on. I'm catching him at the end of naps, but any other time he refuses and gets hysterical.

Hi nyldn, today was a really bad day bf-wise, dd hardly latched on at all and she had a couple of bottles after she refused and then became increasingly fractious.. A shame as only the other day I felt we were getting somewhere with four or five really quality feeds. Worry about my supply on days like this and really hoping that she doesn't boob refuse tonight as those sleepy feeds are the ones I really rely on.... Have you found that anything works??? I might have to get the breastfeeding bib thing out to see if it's her getting distracted. Process of elimination maybe

I had this problem a bit with my second. If I was at home I'd sit on the bed with baby in cradle hold and my knees up so she was against them and sort of sway her from side to side whilst having breastfeeding by her mouth. The motion seemed to calm her and she grew out of it and fed until 14mo.

Breast not bf!

Have you thought about co-sleeping, it's not for everyone but could help with quickly latching on at night feeds

flymo, on the feeds that don't come straight on the back of a nap, I've had 2 ridiculous things work that are obviously not sustainable, but I'll do it for now hoping this is just a phase:
bouncing him on a yoga ball until he's sleepy and having him latch on there, then move to the couch when he does, and the other is turning the hair dryer on low next to us to create enough white noise to calm him down to latch.

both have worked often but not alway.

my confidence is crumbling! I was in no way prepared for a really difficult baby and then this is just icing on the cake!

Thanks petals, trying this now!
Nyldn, I know exactly what you mean, it's something new every week... My HV doesn't seem to have any advice either, she seems to think if dd wants bottle I should just go with it to get food into her!

I'm having this with nearly 10 week DS who is bottle fed now. He gets screamy and overtired and then won't feed, just gapes his mouth round the teat. He's then too upset and hungry to nap, and then when he does doze off he wakes 10 mins later hungry! This is when I usually get him to feed. Infacol seems to help him, like its a 'cue' that he should eat maybe?!

redling- getting any better?