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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Finally going to stop b/f DS (nearly 3), any words of wisdom about doing this?

17 replies

wangle99 · 01/10/2006 20:57

DS is 3 next Sunday. I feel the time is right for us to stop breastfeeding, we do two feeds a day - morning and night.

Not sure why I have decided now is the right time, I think deep down I know that for us the time is right and have been putting it off for a while. I think I now need my body back!

If you have extended fed and have some words of wisdom for me I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you.

OP posts:

KJSW · 02/10/2006 10:13

I only fed for 14 weeks so I only know about the physical side of things for my body, not the emotional side of things for the baby. For myself I found it better to just stop and not touch them, they will get very full but do not express any other wise it will take more time to be comfortable. It only took about 2 days for them to feel soft again, but they do sometimes leek a little (5p size on tops). I stopped 3 weeks ago. Remember to take pain killers.

SenoraPostrophe · 02/10/2006 10:21

with dd she just started having less and less and it naturally stopped. It didn't hurt.

ds on the other had was slightly clingy and loved his feeds and after several weeks of "never offer, never refuse", I decided the best thing to do would be to go cold turkey. That really hurt (both physically and emotionally). Do try to avoid that if you can.

lemonaid · 02/10/2006 10:47

I'm still going at 20 months but people I know who have done it successfully and none-traumatically have generally just avoided the situations where they'd normally nurse. I don't know your situation but could your DH/DP handle morning and bedtime routines for a week?

I am going to go for self-weaning -- I am too much of a wimp to put myself through trauma

Original poster

wangle99 · 02/10/2006 19:24

Today I am really wondering if I'm doing the right thing, I can't imagine if DS is EVER going to self wean . I don't offer ever he always asks (first thing in the morning I get poked by him demanding milk and the minute his pj's are on he demands it!).

Cold Turkey is going to be so hard. If I am honest I am getting alot of pressure from my mother and also DH keeps commenting.

I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:

hunkermunster · 02/10/2006 19:36

Do you want to stop? There are only two people in a breastfeeding relationship, IMO. You and your child. If he's happy to continue and you're happy to continue, then continue. He will self-wean.

But if you're not happy, then you need to think gentle of ways you can "refuse". But be sure in your own mind first that it's what you want, or it will be tinged with regret - and you don't want that.

Original poster

wangle99 · 02/10/2006 19:45

I'm not sure if I do want to stop, DS will be put to bed by other people if I'm not in the house so its not as if I'm tied like that. Sometimes I think that I just want him to go to bed without me (iyswim) but then when I'm feeding him and he's fallen asleep I realise what an amazing thing I am doing.

I don't know anyone around me he is still feeding an older child, its perceived as 'odd'.

OP posts:

GuppinBuppin · 02/10/2006 20:05

Let's face it, in our culture it is rare. But that doesn't mean it's wrong! Like others have said you have to go with what you feel is right. My DS is only 1 but I suspect that I will be in the same boat as you in a couple of years. And I'm already getting comments from people. (thanks to ch4 and ch5 for their lovely programmes about extended BF for that!)

mamamaaargh · 02/10/2006 22:09

I'm in the same boat, GuppinBuppin. DS only 1 but not convinced he will ever want to stop! At the moment that's ok for me, even with pressure from my family and lots of disapproval for bf at all from MIL. Why do other people feel the need to comment?

You're doing a really wonderful thing, wangle99. Please only stop if you want to, not because you think you should. BF shouldn't be stoped with doubts or regrets.

Let us know what you decide & how it goes.

queenceleste · 02/10/2006 22:10

I just posted on another thread about this! I stopped bf when my son was two, I had tried before and it didn't work until I really wanted to, and then it was a case of comfort him and offer a drink and it was only a couple of days of grizzling from him. I was really ready then and he adjusted really quickly. I did feel sad though - I think it is one of the most wonderful experiences of my whole life, it's naturally sad when you stop if you're not sure if there'll be any more!

hunkermunster · 04/10/2006 18:43

How are you doing, W99?

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 04/10/2006 19:08

"when I'm feeding him and he's fallen asleep I realise what an amazing thing I am doing."

that is really lovely, wangle, and you're absolutely right, it is amazing.

have you seen the extended bf club thread?

um...here

There are plenty of older toddlers on that thread!

Notquitesotiredmum · 04/10/2006 19:16

Hi w99. My experiences

I weaned ds1 just after his third birthday. Felt it was right for me to stop then. So I offered him a bribe (you could have a drink tonight, or you could choose a big boy present if you go to sleep without a drink) and it worked first time. Guess he was ready to wean.

Ds2 turned three three months ago, and he had no intention of being bribed at all. I thought that I might have to go cold turkey, but three months down the line, he's self weaning - not had a drink since last Tuesday. Whew!

You've done brilliantly feeding for so long and resisting the pressure to give up until you are both ready. Hang on in there!

poppynic · 04/10/2006 19:20

I stopped on DS's third birthday. I made quite a thing of the fact that 3 was a big boy and that "boo" was for babies. I told him I wouldn't have boo any more. While he would have happily carried on he was also quite accepting of the fact that he was growing up. I think the fact that he knew none of his friends were being bf helped. I didn't have any trouble with milk drying up or anything, I think it must have pretty much have dried up by then anyway and it was just enjoyment for him. He used to try and grab a bit if there was a bare breast in his direction but just a bit of a try-on. I tried to make it not too accessible! Hope it goes as easily and happily for you - good luck. Although I miss the lovely intimacy of bf and I don't get as much touchy time as I used to I also enjoy having breasts back to myself (mostly). Now when he goes to sleep I stroke his back and we both enjoy that!!

FrankenZooey · 04/10/2006 19:39

Wangle I am currently reading a book called "How weaning happens" by LLL and it is very reassuring and inspiring. They state that virtually all children do self wean between age 3 and 4, so you might not have that long to wait for ds to gradually and naturally drop one feed and then the other. They also suggest gentle ways to encourage the process if you want to hurry things along a little.

I also congratulate you on having got to this point and want to extend an arm of milky camaraderie to you - breastfeeding an older child can be such a wonderful experience and I hope you have got as much from it as me and my ds have. He is 3.5 and I can see that the closeness and security he gets from breastfeeding at bedtimes helps him to be the confident and independent little person that he is. I really recommmend the book as it has reinforced my positive feelings about feeding him and helped my own confidence about carrying on until he is ready to stop.

Original poster

wangle99 · 05/10/2006 12:00

Thank you ladies, it is so nice to know I am not the only woman in the UK (or world!) still feeding an older toddler.

I think deep down I won't be stopping just yet, having thought about it lots and lots (and not much else) I think pressure from outside sources was making me feel I should give up as it is wrong (when of course we know it isn't). I would love for him to self wean, because then I would know I had fed him for the maximum amount of time he needed it.

We are going to continue for now and try and ignore everyone else!

OP posts:

Notquitesotiredmum · 05/10/2006 12:08

Good for you W99

By the way, I've just fed ds2 again - ten days since what was (I thought) our last feed. He's got a v. high temperature and is really poorly and it was the only way to console him this morning.

Huge thanks for starting this thread. It wouldn't have been so easy to start again if I hadn't been reading this last night and realising how much pressure I had felt under to stop now. We'll keep going a bit longer until we are both ready too.)

joelallie · 05/10/2006 13:01

My DS# is 4 in February and he's just about stopped bfing now. I had been thinking about stopping for a while but wasn't that bothered but that Extreme Breastfeeding program did it for me - some of the comments I heard about extended feeding made me feel so bad. First of all I stopped the feeding in the day - it took a few weeks but now he doesn't even ask. He might have a quick feed in the mornings but more often than not I'm up before he is anyway. If he gets in to our bed at night I just turn over and lie on my tummy - he might whinge a little but not much now. The only real feed now is last thing at night and that is usually just a token now - he can go to sleep without it quite happily these days.

I think that taking it slow is the way to go. We've had no trauma, no fuss and TBH after 10 years of constant pregnancy or bfing it's such a relief. Never thought I'd write that

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