14 week old losing interest in breastfeeding :(

[songbird54]

My 14 week old DS has had a bit of a tumultuous time lately. He was on the verge of sleeping through until 11-12 weeks when he started teething and was very unsettled at night, so I fed on demand as this seemed to settle him. However, teething comes and goes and in the last few days he has gone from breastfeeding for 15-20 mins each feed to doing 5-10. I wouldn't mind but he is pulling off lots of times and fussing, before just seeming to lose interest. It seemed like teething pain a couple of days ago, but yesterday and today he just looks up at me and grins when he is finished, so it doesn't seem like he's in pain, more that he's bored and would prefer to be off playing.

As a result of all if this, he is very hungry over night and has gone from doing a couple of 'comfort feeds' to 20 minute hunger feeds every 2-3 hours. This seems to then reduce his interest in feeding during the day even more, and it's all a vicious cycle involving no sleep at night or social activity during the day for mummy at all!!

I've heard about the dreaded 4 month sleep regression, and he is definitely learning lots of new skills and getting v excited about playing and toys. He is very alert and we have been going out lots in the day as he has started getting pretty bored at home/just looking at mummy all day.

Can anyone advise whether this is a temporary lull in breastfeeding or whether he will just show more interest again in a few days?

Today I have been topping him up with formula after each feed (150ml per feed so he is clearly hungry!) and using the breast pump to try and keep my supply up, but I'm worried that we are on a one way track to formula feeding, which I really don't want as i really want to keep breastfeeding. But I can't make him want to do it? :(

(We normally do a expressed milk feed in the evening btw, and then a formula feed before bed but bf all the other feeds day and night, and up till now he has been perfectly happy on breast/bottle/expressed milk/formula, so is generally quite a relaxed little man)

Is his weight gain still good? Then remember that your breasts magically adjust to whatever your baby needs, and you won't need to top up or pump to 'keep up your supply'. As soon as your baby demands more, your breasts just produce more. If you pump, you will just provoke your breasts into producing too much. As long as your baby is growing fine, trust your body!

I also can't see that this is a breast feeding vs formula problem. If you were FF, then surely your baby could well still be waking up at night etc etc? I have read many many threads on here from exclusive FF mothers who say that FF made no difference to their baby's sleep. How would FF help in this case?

It sounds like you are doing really well, and just need to keep going! (As long as your baby is putting on weight fine).

Oh, and my DDs were both pretty quick feeders, so 10 mins might well be what's currently normal for your DS. And it could all change again tomorrow / next week/ next month!

Thanks wigeon, he is putting on half a pound each week. He's 5th percentile for his weight but is tracking the line and definitely growing lots atm!

I guess my worry is if I go from 15-20 minute breastfeeds to 5 min breastfeeds topped up with 150ml formula top ups we won't resume longer breastfeeds, and will end up FFing at every feed. Talking to friends who have already dropped BFing, one said her baby couldn't be bothered to BF because she knew the bottle was coming, and the other said she just couldn't cope with all the screamy feeds BFing seemed to involve so has swapped more BFs for FFs.

I'm not thinking the FF specifically will make much of a difference to his sleeping at night - I just don't get why he isn't filling up at each breastfeed like he usually does? Maybe he doesn't 'need' to be topped up... But shouldn't he eat until he's full? I feel like I would mind all the night feeds less if I could be sure he was taking enough milk during the day?

Have you heard of reverse cycling ? You might also find this page on distractible babies useful - it has various tips such as trying to do some daytime feeds in darker and/or quieter places. It is normal for babies to become more distractible as they become more interested in the world (like you've noticed with your DS), but many mothers find it gets better after a month or two, often combined with babies getting much more efficient at feeding. You say that you don't want to end up FFing. Please can I very gently suggest that if that is the case, you don't want to keep topping up with lots of formula after every daytime feed, as that will lead to your supply reducing. Some babies will accept a bottle just because it is on offer - it doesn't mean he is necessarily still hungry. If you do still think he is hungry, what happens if you offer him another BF? If you are only offering one side, you could try offering the other. If you're already offering both, you can go back to the first again, and so on. You wouldn't need to do this every feed, but you might find he stays interested for longer (more letdowns, less work for him).

Hi redkites, great idea re swapping sides. At his feed just now we managed 5 mins on the right side, then 5 on the left. I tried to swap him back to the right side again and he seemed to want to latch on but didn't manage to and got a bit fussy. Which makes me think it could be teething pain again after all?

Having looked at the links you mentioned I would say he is definitely a reverse cycler (cyclist...?) - we worked quite hard when he was first born to teach him the difference between day and night and the key seemed to be feeding him up during the day so he slept well at night.

I tried using the nursing cover to see if that would help him to concentrate, but he seemed to think it was the most hilarious game ever and got even more distracted grinning up at me through the head hole. Was actually pretty adorable... :)

Thank you for being v gentle in your suggestion about FFs... I think I will see if the nurofen helps and then maybe he will BF for a bit longer, sleep all night and we will all be very happy! (Good to aim high I guess!)

I think one of the golden rules of breastfeeding is to trust the baby though that can be very hard to do. Naturally, you worry about whether he is getting enough. Personally I'm not sure that topping up with formula is a good idea as that will probably hurt your supply and the cycle of moving on to formula will continue. If you can row back on this I would try it.

I don't know if this will help but I remember when my baby was around 4 or 5 months old I was completely and utterly freaked out when he suddenly went from 20 min feeds to 7 min feeds. I actually thought he was going to starve himself. It took a couple of weeks and my husband's reassurance that he would be OK to realise that he had just got better and more efficient at feeding! When I finally accepted that this was the case and read about how short feeds can get on the internet I was delighted. What's not to love about the feeds getting shorter? It's kinder on your nipples too. We got to 22 months when he really did lose interest in the end so the dramatic shortening of his feeds in the early days didn't mean the end of breastfeeding at all for us.

Anyway, I know that all babies are different and you know your own baby best. However, I just thought I'd share my story with you in case the same thing is happening with you.

Thanks so much for your lovely replies ladies - really appreciate it. After topping up every daytime feed yesterday we had a much better night - DS slept until 4am, and admittedly was then fannying about awake until 6am, but managed to sleep from then until 8am! Hooray!

Plus for both feeds so far today he has managed to go for 11 mins on each side before pulling off and grumbling. Hopefully going for longer last night has kickstarted his appetite a bit... I think it seems more like teething pain at the moment so keeping an eye on him. My milk supply is also a bit better today so I think it was probably worth expressing more yesterday after a few quieter days. Glad that it doesn't seem like we will need to do this all the time though.

Just one thing- taking formula after a breastfeed doesn't necessarily mean he's hungry, just formula is there, tasty, and easy! Much like if you weren't hungry because you'd just had dinner, then someone said, here, have a dairy milk. You'd eat it!

Sounds normal to me. As they get older they get more efficient at feeding so feeds don't take as long. They also get really nosey which is also normal.

Don't time feeds down to the exact minute. In fact try not to time them at all, it's unhelpful - the time he's on doesn't tell you anything about how much milk he's taking.

Also, it will probably feel like your milk supply is dropping right about now. That's normal and not to worry about. What's happening is that you're switching from post-birth hormone fuelled oversupply to small-baby, supply and demand kind of supply. In short your body has learned how much he needs and is now making exactly the right amount, rather than overcompensating. You'll stop feeling rock hard and uncomfortable between feeds (yay!) and you might stop leaking (yay!). Until he's about a year old you'll probably still get engorged if he misses a usual feed or goes longer than usual between feeds. And don't worry - supply is now far more robust and if he needs more, he will nurse more to boost your supply.

If you want to add formula/expressed milk I'd keep it to one feed every day, not topping up after every feed. If he's hungry he can go back on the breast, a breast is never empty. If he's refusing to go back on then he probably just wants shorter feeds more often - that's a bit annoying but likely to be temporary. A baby will almost always take more milk from a bottle even if they've lost interest in the breast so that doesn't necessarily mean that he was hungry.

Yep exactly what micah said. He might be full but you've just offered him pudding I would keep the FF as a standalone feed or you'll get issues where he's impatient to come off the BF to get to the FF just because it's easier. You could try breast compressions too to increase the flow at the breast.

I agree it sounds completely normal, as does the sleeping then waking at night. At around 3-4 months babies get more aware of what is going on around them and can't be bothered to feed for as long in the day. Plus, they get more efficient at feeding. If you feed on demand then trust hey will get enough. Supplementing with 150ml after each feed IS a huge amount and is likely to mean the end of breastfeeding.

It's not nice being tired though, can you bedshare so you get more sleep?

Oh, and he might be taking the bottle as he can see about more or just because it's easier to get milk out. It really doesn't mean he's hungry.

And you really don't need to pump in anticipation of the baby wanting more milk - your breasts just adjust as and when the baby needs more - the milk the baby demands, the more your breasts supply. So if your baby appears to want to feed more or just more often than usual, go with it, because that's what builds up your supply. Floppy breasts don't mean low supply either - just that your body is getting used tithe amount your baby needs at that particular moment. If you pump before the baby is actually demanding more, you might end up with over supply, hard, sore breasts, leaking etc.

Www.kellymom.com is very helpful at explaining what's going on with BF, in an evidence based way.

Reverse cycling is a normal part if breastfeeding. Annoying but normal

With DS i would try feed somewhere boring at home that was free from distractions. Obviously that not always possible when out so I just fed little and often. It passed in a few weeks...

I thought of something else that helped which was a breastfeeding necklace or any necklace that could be fiddled with